Dear Venerable Canadian Department Store:
I am writing to inform you of an experience I had in your lingerie department.
I was purchasing a foundation garment, and asked to try it on. Because I needed to know that the bra in question would have the desired cantilever effect on my not-so-awesome rack.
I was led into a change room, along with my 2 year old daughter who was acting as a consultant. I removed my shirt, and was immediately aware of an abundance of air on my shoulders. This is when I first realized that the demi-doors provided were by NO MEANS designed for tall chicks. For the first time, I was thankful that 2 children, a large weight loss, and that rotten bitch, Time, had left me with saggage that, really, ought to be criminal. Because if the girls had been perky, they would have been on full display.
What happened next, though, was a source of great consternation.
I have provided this diagram, to better illustrate the situation:
Of special note are the placement of the mirror, and the spiky-haired gentleman.
I was on my way out of one bra, into another, when I happened to glance in the mirror. I didn’t meet his eyes with mine, because his eyes were…elsewhere. I immediately went into the “duck and cover” position. The 2 year old asked what was going on, and while I hissed an explanation at her, she chose to dwell on the salacious, yelling “Mommy’s a nudie! Guy looks at her BOOOOOOBS!” As I crouched down, willing it all to be over, I realized that the door wasn’t just lacking substance at the top, but also at the bottom. Thus, my hunched over self was on full display. And the “girls” were pointing south.
I settled for hunching over in the middle of the door, waiting, waiting for this gentleman to leave. For a person who could have no need of items in this particular section of the store, he did hang about for what can only be considered a suspiciously long time.
In your defense, I know where your company started. You’ve been around for well over 300 years. Of course, back then, you traded furs. I understand that ladies frilly things may be a little removed from your area of expertise.
But for the love of all things holy, you’ve GOT to fix that change room.
That poor, spiky-haired gentleman was probably scarred for life. And my 2 year old is pretty sure something untoward happened in that change room.