Mirror, Mirror….Aw, Crap

Dear Venerable Canadian Department Store:


I am writing to inform you of an experience I had in your lingerie department.


I was purchasing a foundation garment, and asked to try it on.  Because I needed to know that the bra in question would have the desired cantilever effect on my not-so-awesome rack.


I was led into a change room, along with my 2 year old daughter who was acting as a consultant.  I removed my shirt, and was immediately aware of an abundance of air on my shoulders.  This is when I first realized that the demi-doors provided were by NO MEANS designed for tall chicks.  For the first time, I was thankful that 2 children, a large weight loss, and that rotten bitch, Time, had left me with saggage that, really, ought to be criminal.  Because if the girls had been perky, they would have been on full display.


What happened next, though, was a source of great consternation.


I have provided this diagram, to better illustrate the situation:


Of special note are the placement of the mirror, and the spiky-haired gentleman.


I was on my way out of one bra, into another, when I happened to glance in the mirror.  I didn’t meet his eyes with mine, because his eyes were…elsewhere.  I immediately went into the “duck and cover” position.  The 2 year old asked what was going on, and while I hissed an explanation at her, she chose to dwell on the salacious, yelling “Mommy’s a nudie!  Guy looks at her BOOOOOOBS!”  As I crouched down, willing it all to be over, I realized that the door wasn’t just lacking substance at the top, but also at the bottom.  Thus, my hunched over self was on full display.  And the “girls” were pointing south. 


I settled for hunching over in the middle of the door, waiting, waiting for this gentleman to leave.  For a person who could have no need of items in this particular section of the store, he did hang about for what can only be considered a suspiciously long time.


In your defense, I know where your company started.  You’ve been around for well over 300 years.  Of course, back then, you traded furs.  I understand that ladies frilly things may be a little removed from your area of expertise. 


But for the love of all things holy, you’ve GOT to fix that change room.


That poor, spiky-haired gentleman was probably scarred for life.  And my 2 year old is pretty sure something untoward happened in that change room.





21 responses to “Mirror, Mirror….Aw, Crap

  1. OMG ! That is totally ultra creepy. Just how tall are you anyways?

  2. Oh how I understand what you went through.

    Which is why I paid so much money to not point south anymore. What those kids do to our bodies.

  3. i’m thinking that department store dressing room was designed by fur-trading men, FOR fur-trading men, if ya know what i mean…

    blechhh… i don’t think you scarred him. suspect he was hanging around for a reason. double blechhhh….

  4. Did you give him a ‘Do you MIND Buddy?!?!?’ LOL

    I was home sick a couple of days this week and one afternoon caught a few mins of one of the talkshows.

    It was about men taking pics and video of women undressing without their knowledge.

    One of the guys was in a woman’s store, snapping pics under the salegirl’s skirt.

    ‘They’ said that if a man is in a woman’s store, and it doesn’t look like he’s actually looking to BUY anything … betware.

    Maybe he was hoping to snap a pic of the ‘girls’? 😉

  5. As long as he didn’t see any fur, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

  6. Mirrors are the perverts friend.

  7. Jeez, I’m no prude or anything, but I at least demand a couple of bottles of wine or something before random passerby get a glimpse of the girls. Is nothing sacred?

    Incidentally, this is one of several reasons why I dislike trying on clothes in stores. That and the rooms are never big enough to get a decent-length look at yourself. At least not without stepping out of the changeroom where all the other women are milling about that common mirror at the end of the row trying to decide if the almost-fitting pants are causing an indecent amount of camel-toe or not. No, no, I’m no fan of this. I shop nowhere without a generous return policy so I can try shit on at home.

  8. That’s why I’m the queen of the return counter! I sincerely believe that someone is getting me on film whenever I’m in one of those dressing rooms, and let’s face it, the lighting just won’t do. If I’m going to show up naked on the Internet, there better be some fantabulous lighting 😉

    Just stopping by from Mongolian’s. Cool blog! I’ll be back.

  9. My 2yr old girl is the one I have to watch out for. She loves to open the bathroom stall before I am done. It happens. A lot. Great diagram; I think I’ve seen that guy before.

  10. that reminds me of the time I took my then four year old to the library. I was taking a long time to choose books and he lay down on the floor near where i was standing, looked up my skirt and announced to all the patrons – “hey my mummy’s not wearing any pants today”

    Daisyfae’s right on the money – a shop designed by fur traders for FUR traders… hahahaha

  11. Oh Ginny. OOOOH Ginny. I am so feeling your mortification. I am also a wee bit envious that you have boobs worth staring at (unlike say, oh, me). Butt that’s another story. The spiky haired dude was inappropriate but also, unfortunately, I’d say fairly typical. I mean, my husband would have looked. I don’t think some of them can help themselves. I can’t believe that there wasn’t a full door on that changing room.

  12. What a creep!!!!
    Funny stuff from the 2 year old though.


  13. I love the two-year old. Love.

  14. That is a bit strange about the guy watching. Did you say anything to the store employees?

  15. Dressing rooms leave a lot to be desired without the added torment of a private screening for anonymous onlookers. Just think though, if he had a blog, how different the story might read.

  16. ROFL OMG That was hilarious, and I am so thankful it didn’t happen to me . . . yet.

  17. vinomom: I’m 5’10”. Which, to my mind, anyways, is not freakishly tall.

    Betsey: I sincerely hope to follow in your footsteps.

    daisyfae: Fur trading men….tee hee hee…

    Kim: I never saw him pull out a camera. But if you see me on the internet, try not to judge.

    chris: Me too, sister.

    Xbox: As are lonely housewives. If you know what I mean.

    Em: Yup. Next time, I’m only going where either the change rooms are uber-private, or the return policy is liberal.

    Lola: I can only hope that if I ended up on the internet, people would say, “That LOOKS like Ginny, but way older. And more tired. Can’t be her.”

    Gigi: I tried my best. If you see him in the area, call police. And me. I’d like to know.

    nursemyra: Oh, what a precious little scamp! Did you want to throttle the little angel?

    Gwen: If he was staring, it wasn’t because they were good; it was because he’d never seen anything quite like them outside a caricature of someone’s grandma.

    Loni: The 2 year old likes to keep it real, yo.

    rassles: I like to think she’d love you, too. If you clapped for her rendition of “Teenage Dirtbag”, I KNOW she’d love you.

    Southern (in)Sanity: I think he actually may have been there to see one of the employees. But he went away. Eventually.

    aj: “Dear Penthouse: I never thought it would happen to me. Her name was Candy. She was a mature woman…”

    faemom: Well, if you ever see a spiky haired dude, lurking, beware.

  18. Who the hell was their architect? Hugh Heffner??

  19. Beej: Or a 13 year old boy. Kind of the same thing, really.

  20. I hate those things. I kind of get the feeling that maybe I´m being seen, but that I´m not really being seen that it´s some kind of optical illusion or something. But, you know what, maybe I am being seen.

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