Words that Aren’t, But Ought to Be (Part I)

As of quite recently, I have a fiancée. (I absolutely DID have to let spell check take that for me. No clue how to spell it, most of the time. I start adding e’s and c’s till it’s just a sad marital status jumble.)
When I started seeing him 3 years ago, I didn’t know how to refer to him. “This is my…..” and then trail off. Boyfriend was accurate, I suppose. But boyfriends are for teenagers.

And what were my alternatives?

“Special friend”  That one made me picture a 50 year old divorcee in the 70’s, rocking a caftan, turquoise rings on every finger, telling the girls about him at our weekly bridge game. (Or maybe I was just daydreaming about Mrs. Roper. Again.)


“My old man” I thought that one made me sound like a biker. Plus, he’s 7 years younger than I am, so it was WILDLY inaccurate.

“Sex monkey” OK, so I totally used that one whenever I possibly could. Mildly shocking when used at the grocery store, teeth grindingly uncomfortable when used at parent teacher interviews.

“Partner” sounded like we were either an established gay couple, or we practice law together. Either of which would be AWESOME, but aren’t true.

So on top of the whole getting-to-marry-my-best-friend thing, the engagement gave me an awesome gift. I finally had a word to describe him that other people would recognize.

But here’s the thing. I got what I thought I wanted. And it wasn’t.

I am still in search of a word that captures ” I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything, and he makes me laugh and I hang out with him every chance I get and we have a house together and we parent together and we will be hanging out together regardless of legal status as long as this whole thing remains cool.”

For now, I will try to embrace fiancée.

(Even if I do see it in my head as Feyonce….)




5 responses to “Words that Aren’t, But Ought to Be (Part I)

  1. Before we were married, I used to just say “this is Matt” and let it speak for itself. But I’m also partial to “my fella” with a smile or “my gentleman friend” with a completely straight face.

    • Introducing him, the name was fine. It was more when I was referring to him that I had issues. Gentleman friend is pretty great 😊

  2. We’re still using “Statistically Significant Other” – mostly because it gets a laugh, and leaves people scratching their heads. i hate ‘boyfriend’, and ‘manfriend’ sounds stupid. “Partner” means we’re gay (yes, we came to the same conclusion). “Companion”? Makes it sound as though i hired him to keep me company on a cruise or something…

  3. I, too, had issues with what to call my husband before he was my fiancée. I mostly went with just friend, and left others to wonder. I like all of the solutions offered here!

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