Sorry I was gone. I missed you all terribly. I moved. There was no internet. Well, OK, there was internet, but it wasn’t wireless, and what am I, a freaking cavewoman? So there was no blogging. But I’m moved. And well. And thanks to a sick kid, I had to slow down enough to make this wireless shit go down. As a reward for your patience (and yes, I am taking ridiculous liberties with the word “reward”), please, enjoy this series of texts between my adorable friend Chris and I.
(Here, I’ll give you some context: we’re sitting in a school hallway, my daughter has just finished dance class, her daughter is just going in. And apropos of nothing (well, not nothing, but this already pretty damn tangential, no need to make things worse), she says, “Oh my god! You need to google Blue Waffle Disease.I need someone else to see it.” And so as soon as I could, I did.) (And no, I’m not linking to it. I’m just going to quote a certain brilliant woman, who once said, “The internet is a much begrimed place.”)
Not the Blue Waffle we're talking about. Not even close.
Me, Nov.13, 11:08 am: “I just googled it. I hate you.”
Chris, Nov. 13, 11:32 am: “Just pass it on, you’ll feel better:)”
Me, Nov 13, 4:14 pm: “I have been looking at mine every chance I got today, just to make sure it didn’t look like the pictures. That makes for one hell of a weird day.”
Chris, Nov 13, 9:30 pm: “Thank the lord for hand mirrors, eh? I’ve been super busy spreading awareness about this. It’s the responsibility of us all. Blue Waffle is no joke.”
Me, Nov 14, 11:10 am: “Fun fact of the day: pretty sure my babysitter read the texts between us from yesterday.”
Chris, Nov 14, 1:15 pm: “Well! She got an education, didn’t she?”
Me, Nov 14, 1:20 pm: “Probably. She goes to Christian school. And you know THOSE kids…”
Chris (former Christian school attendee), Nov 14, 1:22 pm: “Bwahaa! Do I ever. Good, she can spread the word at school!”
So if even one innocent child has been scared straight, Saturday was not in vain. I feel good about that.
Praying to Darwin 
missed you! good to have you back on form! much huggage
Aw, thanks! And you still want to hug after looking that up? Strong stuff you’re made of.
I found out about this in much the same way. I still have not fully recovered.
I don’t know what I expected. Just not that. Never that.
Thanks. Thanks for that… I have to go scrub my brain out with bleach, or vinegar, or something. Bah!!
Try penicillin. Just a guess.
i’m glad you’re back. and that you are maintaining a healthy waffle. (damn you. damn google. i’m off to grab a hand mirror…)
Thanks lady. And keep a hand mirror at the ready at all times. It’s for the good of us all.
I half closed my eyes as the picture came into view…. and it was still the stuff of nightmares.
Totally glad you’re back.
Also, if this is how you’re going to reward our patience in the future… I think we should be less patient……
Excellent point. Dammit.
Now I’m scared shitless to Google this. Some stuff you just can’t unsee, right?
Love the stripped down bloggy look . . .
Thanks. Was playing lay-out roulette, stopped here.
I hate you. Welcome back.
Thanks (?)
Yay, Ginny’s back!
Thanks for waiting around. I don’t really deserve it.
I’m glad to see you back! I saw this several months ago; and was properly grossed out. Sadly, my doctorly husband shrugged at it and said, “well, I’ve certainly seen worse.” And he’s not even an ob/gyn! Bleah! Bleah, bleah, bleah!!!
I freaking hate it when nurses/doctors get a little drunk and start telling the stories…good lord.
Welcome back G-girl and i’m debating on this blue waffle thing, i think there are things a man just doesn’t need to see and it seems this might be one of them, natural childbirth being another.
You’re so right. Once that horse is out of the barn…
i couldn’t help it i looked and now i believe i think i’ll join the monastery and learn to make beer.
Don’t think I have the courage to google that. See? Ignorance IS bliss.
Agreed. Smart woman. (aren’t you dying of just a teensy bit of curiosity, though?)
Must. Not. Google.. Gah!
Still didn’t. And am still living blissfully.
Thank you ever so much. I had to wait until I got home, but I still did it, and the pictures are the worst thing I’ve seen since…well, actually, since yesterday evening’s locker room, but trust me, that’s pretty bad.
It was just so unexpected. I was all “Whatever, you can’t shock me.” WRONG.
Well, thanks and thanks. I googled it, yuk.
Miss you.
The bit about being begrimed is easily one of the quotes I quote most often. Hands down.
This is very similar to the time I first heard about the Grilled Danish.
But you can’t really google image that shit. You have to Urban Dictionary it.
Grilled Danish. It’s no Cleveland Grilled Cheese. Or even a St. Louis Croissant. Nice try.
Glad you’re back. Pissed as hell at myself for “giving into temptation”, despite all of the comments, and doing that damn google search. Ew.
Seriously, glad you’re back.
Like this isn’t EXACTLY what the internet is for.
I can’t bring myself to google this. I just know it will end up being terrible, no matter how curious I am. I have an idea of what it’s about…and that idea is terrifying in and of itself.
Welcome back though!
Your, um, loss?
Spanky showed me and I didn’t react. She said she hates what hospital work has done to me.
No comment on the blue waffle other than that I hope my daughter, who is a nurse, never has to know about it.
I’m glad to see fresh posts from Ginny. Let us resume our prayers to Darwin.
argh, my eyes, my poor innocent eyes!
Dammit. I just googled that and saw a picture of a woman being roasted on a spit. Dammit. Dammit!
I, sadly, already knew what this was. It was terrible how I found out. You see, a kid in my 6th grade class oh so thoughtfully decided to say the phrase “blue waffle”. Well, being the naturally curious 12 year old I was, I decided to get on that laptop, and google that shit. I didn’t expect that. Anything but that. What’s even worse is that one of my lovely friggin classmates decided to look over my shoulder as I googled this. And when that picture came up, we both blew our shit. Then, since we were blowing our shit too loud, all the rest of our class wanted to know what was so awful that deserved this reaction. So they all got up and looked at the screen. So the rest of study hall was filled with words of disgust and the blowing of shit. Our teacher was cool, though, and didn’t even get up to question what was going on. He just sat there and stared at us like we were alien lifeforms whose odd and confuzzling ways have yet to be understood.