PSA of the Day. (You’re Welcome in Advance.)

Dear Men of Earth,

 

I’mma do you a solid.

 

When you see a woman with a ponytail,

 

(and she is NOT on her way to cheerleading practice)

 

(nor is she of the mistaken belief that she has fucked with the space-time continuum, and it is actually 1984)

 

 

 

then you can assume, in 98.9% of all cases, that something has gone very, very wrong in that woman’s daily routine.

 

Her hair has let her down to the point where the only thing she can do is restrain it, and look forward to tomorrow.

 

Now that you have this knowledge, I know what you’re thinking.

 

“I’ll tell her hair looks good.  That’ll make her feel better, ergo winning her over.  I’m a freaking genius!”

 

No.  No you’re not.

 

It will make us think you’re an assclown with ulterior motives, coupled with nearsightedness/a complete lack of taste.

 

Instead, go for the eyes.  We will always buy that we have nice eyes.   And we’ll believe we successfully distracted the world from the follicular disaster playing itself out on our scalps.

 

Everybody wins.

 

 

 

 

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23 responses to “PSA of the Day. (You’re Welcome in Advance.)

  1. That is just priceless! Thank you for setting them straight! Assclowns. Freaking hysterical!

  2. And you have really nice teeth, too . . .

  3. put this in book form. it’ll sell, and you’ll have a talkshow before you know it… which includes a staff of people to take care of hair and makeup.

  4. So if i see a ponytail i should say something like, “damn having a bad hair day, well at least in brings out the beauty in your eyes, wanna have sex in a public bathroom.” thus proving my honest intentions and dispelling any thoughts of ulterior motives.

  5. There was this sales guy I used to work with that whenever I wore a ponytail told me, “girls with pony tails rule the world.”

    I think he may have had a thing for pony tails but it always made me feel better about my half-ass hair.

  6. I had no idea this was the general impression of ponytails. I often deliberately pony-tail my hair, because I think it looks good that way.

  7. If my hair is in a ponytail I probably didn’t have time to shower.

  8. Eyes. Ok, noted.

    If she’s flat chested.

  9. Please – I’d take bad hair day over bad beard day any, uh, day. At least you don’t look like Captain Lou Albano when you tie your shit back… or, if you do, somehow, I apologize for bringing it up.

  10. I’ve taken to just wearing a mask around town.

    …I was going to make a really great wrestling-move-on-random-passersby joke here, but in realizing that I don’t actually have any of the proper vernacular handy, I’d like to bail out now if I could. (Standing eight-count, maybe? I’ve really got to start thinking these things through before haphazardly commenting. Apologies all around.)

  11. Mmm K. You totally validated me. It’s always been the eyes for me. I notice hair, but mostly how it smells rather than coiffure.

  12. I have to keep my hair too short to put in a pony-tail because if I don’t, that is all I do with it – booooring. Short hair forces me to style.

    Glad you are back! Though the ‘read more’ linky things on each post are shitting my lazy ass to tears 🙂

  13. Ginny, you are a helluva writer. You probably know that but I thought you probably wouldn’t mind hearing it one more time.

    I am also a helluva writer (although not as good as you, I think). I also blog but nobody ever reads it (or perhaps they just don’t comment). Eventually I get cranky and delete the blog. This has happened many times. Or I write things and am afraid the thought police will show up and take me away to a Canadian version of the FEMA camp (apparently there’s one in Prince George or so goes the rumor — people have seen it). Or the neighbors will somehow find out and … one hates to think.

    My problem is that although I can write, I am rats ass crazy. I think this unnerves people. They might enjoy some of what I have to say but too many posts are “dark and twisted” .

    I know this is accurately phrased because I once wrote a humor column for the Kamloops News (a pretty good paper, in most respects) which had to be checked out by the Assistant Editor before publication (another clue). He was a gentle soul who would hold my column at arm’s length, between thumb and one finger, and ask timorously, “Is this funny or dark and twisted?” If I suggested the column might be just the teensiest bit on the dark side, he would shudder and hide in his office until he drummed up the courage to do his job which seemed to be making sure I hadn’t gone completely off the rails, this time. I never did totally fail the test (the column always ran) but my husband said people would gasp, “She’s your wife? Oh dear.” Then they would be very nice, pitying really, from then on.

    I’m glad it worked for him on some level.

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