The Things I Thought But Didn’t Get to Say

Oh honey, you don’t have to live like that.  One bottle of Head & Shoulders, things could be entirely different.

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When I go home at night, I parent my children in reaction to you.  Having them turn out like you is my worst nightmare.

 

Paula Abdul was pretty great.  Not amazing, but pretty great.

 

Her cookies are not that good.  You rave about them because she flirts like a maniac with you.  Your girlfriend is a million times better than her.  Cut that shit out.

 

No, I am NOT ready for Christmas.  I am screwed.  I am looking forward to Christmas being over more than I’m looking forward to Christmas.  Except for the part where eggnog is out of the stores.  God damn, I dig eggnog.

 

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2 responses to “The Things I Thought But Didn’t Get to Say

  1. I’m really not sure why eggnog is EVER out of the stores. We need to create a holiday in every month that is intimately associated with eggnog as its beverage of choice.

  2. hahaha, this is great stuff – good thing we have filters between our brains and mouths! okay, seriously, you have to read my post, “Are they Paternal?” – my real life things I said to people who asked me stupid questions about my twins. You would fit right in with the group that has commented so far! 🙂

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