I Don’t Want to Buy It, I Just Want to HAVE It

Scene: flourescent lit department store.
Night before trip, zero-hour, attempting to procure a swim suit.

STORE CLERK (who I thought I could avoid simply by denying her eye contact, but was proven wrong): Hi! How can I help you?

ME: Not a reflection on your talents, but I don’t think you can.

STORE CLERK (undaunted): You’re looking for a new suit?

ME: Yup.

STORE CLERK: What sort of features are you looking for? Underwire? Ruching? Halter or tank straps?

ME: Have you seen the Harry Potter movies?

STORE CLERK(with the faintest glimmer that this may be going off the rails): Yes….

ME: So you remember the Invisibilty Cloak?


ME: Yeah, what have you got in that material?


ME (eyes downcast): Just bring me something black.


9 responses to “I Don’t Want to Buy It, I Just Want to HAVE It

  1. Loved this!!

  2. This year, I’m taking a cue from all the guys I see and I am going to wear my pasty gut loud and proud. Sure my thighs look like a anatomy map of the circulatory system but I didn’t design this body, I just rent it.

  3. You are brilliant! I wish like heck that I’d been your salesclerk. I would have grabbed an empty hanger, handed it over and given you a complete “emperor’s new clothes” act. You would at least have gotten a laugh!

  4. lmao @ post and comments xD Lissi ans Chris fully as awesome as our beloved Ginny. Lissi, I’ll bet she wishes you were the clerk too!

  5. Why can’t they have a sense of humor????

  6. I really hate sales clerks. I know they’re just doing their job, but they’re never there when you need them (like when you’re practically naked and need another size) and always there when you don’t (like when you’re fully clothed and just walked in the store).

  7. Plus, I didn’t know that bathings suits came in any colour other than black, anyway.

  8. Oh I love your idea of an invisibilty swimsuit. GREAT! If you find one please let me know where I need one too!

  9. Why is it that bathing suit shopping leaves me feeling like the “before” picture on a weight loss product ad?

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