Do You Think Mia Hamm’s Mom Ever Had This Moment?

The Girl had her very first soccer game last night.

She ran.  A lot.  She made contact with the ball once,  maybe twice.  She sat on a blanket with her team.  She shook hands at the end of the game.

And I was proud of my baby girl.

But it had nothing to do with soccer.

Because while I can appreciate that she is learning new skills, learning how to relate to others, learning how to be part of a team, I have to admit, all things sports-related leave me feeling a little “meh”.

No, the pride was all inspired off the field.

Just before half-time, The Girl seems a little off.  She’s looking around, maybe dancing a little.  And I walk back in my mind, to when I was running around the house, trying to feed supper to two excited kids, get them into soccer gear, and remember the damn water bottles.  I remember telling her to make sure she went to the bathroom before we left.

But I don’t remember her doing it.

Uh oh.

At first, I try to convince her that she’ll be able to hold it.  She’s not buying it.

I scan the area.  All the adjacent buildings; the school, the community hall, the rink shack, all closed.  We don’t know anyone who lives within a block of the place.  And I’m not taking her all the way home.

As I try my hardest not to curse her for not being a born a boy (because damn, I really love that about raising a boy), I panic and weigh my options.

We have no other choice.

We find a relatively dense bunch of pine trees, walk between them.  And I tell her how this is going to go down.

Watch out for your soccer shorts.  And your shoes.  And try to balance.  And try not to get it on yourself.  And be quick so no one sees this.

She was unconvinced.  This kind of went against everything I had ever taught her about etiquette, bathroom or otherwise.  But she’s always up for a challenge.  And she REALLY had to go.

Copping a successful squat?  Really damn hard.

Getting it right on your first try?  Genius.

Not one drop on those shorts, not one stray trail down the leg, not one wet shoe lace.

She can score goals all damn season.  And I could not be as proud as I was last night.

Good job, kiddo.


40 responses to “Do You Think Mia Hamm’s Mom Ever Had This Moment?

  1. You know, that is really a necessary skill to have, one that I didn’t manage well until age 20, on a backpack trip in the middle of Australia. Her life could someday depend on being able to pee in the wilderness, and she’s mastered it already. Good on you:-)

    • It is SO important. I also hope to pass on my ability to get through a barbed-wire fence, unscathed.

      • Barbed wire is easy if you have a friend to help. Not so much when you are by yourself…
        Hopefully those two skills need not be used simultaneously. I’m having visions of losing balance and bare bottoms getting snagged on barbed wire… Ouch.

      • Gotta be able to do it solo. You never know.

  2. a skill that will serve her well for the rest of her life… well, hopefully it won’t be necessary when she’s in her 70’s, but the teens and 20’s? oh, yeah!

  3. Great moments in childhood history, someday you’ll regale her potential mates with this glorious story.

  4. Ah, for the (usually) unspoken life skills we need to acquire… may she never learn to fear the sometimes necessary outdoor-pee.

  5. Two thoughts. One, I used to know Mia’s mom a little. Mia was a grade ahead of me at a really small Catholic school in Texas. Mia was probably already awesome at soccer as she left the womb. Whole family is really athletic, bright and attractive. Oh yeah, and the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

    My other thought is I wish my daughter had nailed it the first time. Unfortunately, as a man I was ill-equipped to coach her on the finer points of successfully copping a squat. I remember thinking, “Man, I didn’t expect it to shoot that direction. WTF? I need some paper towels.”

  6. Mongoliangirl

    Damn, you ARE a good mom. If you ever figure out how to do it standing up, send directions. Good job to the kiddo!

    • I always love it when guys are trying to assert their superiority, and they’re all “Well, guys can pee on CAMPFIRES!”. Um, so can we. It just takes a little thought and planning…

  7. Ah, a passage into early femaledom. Well done wee pissa.

  8. Now THAT is good mothering. A skill she really can use. Well done.

  9. And then when she’s 16? She’ll totally do this while drunk.

    • Actually, that’s where the whole getting through a barbed wire fence unscathed thing originated for me. Both are hard to do while drunk, but very necessary, depending on where you grow up.

  10. Being a boy – and having boys – is awesome. No instruction required for outdoor urination.

    • I took it for granted, having a boy first. I kind of had a new (and maybe undeserved, but whatever) appreciation for The Boy. But hey, The Girl’s gonna be just fine.

  11. Love it! (totally against peeing in public lol but not in those cases)
    It took me a few times to get it right…maybe thats the key? teach em while they are young and then those drunk times will be a piece of cake!

    • With great power comes great responsibility. I’m against peeing in public, generally, and I definitely don’t want her thinking it’s cool, when you’re just too lazy to walk across the yard, to just do it.

  12. She shoots, she scores. 😛 Nice job Mom. 😉

  13. I’m starting to notice a trend in the comments here. It seems that for women, when drunk, peeing in public is not only acceptable but expected.

    By the time I joined my girls’ family, they were already old enough that I didn’t have to teach them this, apparently, very important skill, and they would have been mortified if they thought that I was even aware that they actually peed in public.

  14. ChesneyCheetos

    Anddddddddd this will probably end up being a story that you tell her first boyfriend. Am I right?

  15. I’d say that is one HUGE milestone. One of many I’m sure.

  16. Jesus, I’m still not capable of doing that without at least peeing on one of my sandaled feet.

  17. Pulling that off successfully her first try is mighty fine…perhaps she’s a true athlete?!

  18. Way cool! Definitely a “life skill” and you have EVERY right as a mom to be pretty darn proud!

    My boy is going to be 24 soon… my girl just turned 19… both with mad skillz!

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