What I Have Learned, Today

Every family in the world has a mustard story. A story about an incident where mustard went awry.

The family thinks their mustard story is pretty damn funny.

It is not.

*OK, so apparently, a post furtively dashed off on an iPhone underneath a restaurant table is not enough to explain what I’m talking about.  So here’s the deal.

Once upon a time this family I knew sat down to dinner.  There was mustard on the table.  Somebody said something about being careful while passing it.  And everyone gave these knowing little laughs.  Because once upon a different time, someone in the family had shaken the mustard, to get the last bit out.  And it sprayed all over the mom. I can allow that it would be funny if you were there.  Maybe.  But it was the way they told it.  Like, “Oh my god, this was the funniest thing EVER!  And you cannot possibly fail to find it as pee-your-pants-funny as we always will!!”

I thought that was the end of it.  One weird little quirk of one weird little family.

But no.

Because over the years, I’ve met at least 5 OTHER FAMILIES who have an extremely similar story, that they tell with the same weird expectation that you’ll be enthralled with it, too.

So yeah, that’s what I was thinking while I wasn’t concentrating on dinner.


26 responses to “What I Have Learned, Today

  1. Mustard is pretty damned important to me. On so many levels. I’d be interested to hear this mustard story that they think is funny and you do not. Here’s a link to some of my mustard thoughts …

  2. Funny you should say that, because I have a great mustard story.

    Every year, my grandparents had a huge party at their house with fireworks and everything. Well, one year,

  3. My mustard story is that one time I was cooking with a friend, who is a professional chef, and when I burned my hand on our chicken mushroom crepes he made me put mustard, which I hate, on the burn. I don’t really think that qualifies as funny, but oh well:-)

  4. Am I missing something? What am I missing? I am blonde – help meeeeee!

  5. Mine isn’t funny at all.

  6. Oh go on… Tell us the story! 🙂

  7. Tell, tell, tell!

  8. My family doesn’t have a mustard story.

    But then, we’re Polish. We don’t use mustard very much.

    Now, that story about the cabbage is fricken hilarious. And the one about the borscht? Fuhgeddaboutit!

  9. Tell us the story! I promise, if I think it’s funny, I’ll keep that to myself! =)

  10. There is a person that lives in my neighborhood that squirts mustard over the hoods of cars that park in no parking zones, where the curbs are yellow.

    I have been mustarded thrice.

  11. I don’t have a mustard story.

    How, precisely, does mustard go awry?

  12. No mustard story here. Salad dressing, however, is another story, although also one that’s not even remotely funny.

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