And Now I’m Scaring People

I didn’t mean to stop.

I like blogging.  I really do.

But shit, as it tends to do, happened.

Kids.  Kids who are getting lippier, and bigger, and funnier by the nano second.  Kids who I felt like giving more attention to.

And then, for a while, I got to be away from those same kids.  The freedom was enough to simulate drunkenness.  Actual, honest to goodness, reeling drunkenness.

I was figuring out some  wife-type things.  Because the absence of those kids made me look at some stuff, stare at it, eyes blinking, in a “now who did you say you were, again?” kind of way.

I started going to bed early.  Like, before midnight.

I went to some concerts and remembered that damn, I used to be so wrapped up in music, and when did that go away?  And if I’d forgotten music, what the hell else was I neglecting?

And at the end of the day,  I just didn’t feel like writing any of it down.

Today, not one but two people, within an hour of each other, took the plunge, asked me if I was OK.

I’ve been absent before.  For not so awesome reasons.

But there’s nothing to worry about. I didn’t mean to scare anyone.   I’m OK, and I’m here.

And I want to write, now.

(Image is “And what shall I Write” by tomswift46)

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43 responses to “And Now I’m Scaring People

  1. whew 🙂 I was just on the verge of posting an ‘oi! where are you?’ comment. Glad you are still around.

  2. mom/wife/self issues are pesky… and sneaky li’l fuckers. good luck sorting. whatever and whenever you write? i’ll be reading…

    • That makes me think of the most excellent Jon Turturro in “Mr. Deeds”, when he suddenly appears behind Adam Sandler: “You underestimate the sneakiness.”

  3. i said it when Kid A was born that i’d not lose myself in the kiddies, so far so good, doesn’t mean i don’t love em to death and enjoy my time with them but sometimes i need the daddy time, went and saw the Drive By Truckers last week and got nice and loaded and sang along and had a blast, nothing wrong with some me time, nice to see you’re still alive though 🙂

  4. Yes, my dear, we are here. Missing you, obviously. But willing to give you the time and space you need. Actually, it’s not ours to give, but yours to take. So take it. All that you need. And don’t feel like you have to explain it all. Some of it should just stay right there, with you, inside you.

    Share what you want, and cherish the rest . . .

    • Thanks man.

      “Some of it should just stay right there, with you, inside you.” Is that your extremely polite way of saying I’ve been too TMI? 😉

  5. Wow, sounds like you were having some fun and the rest of us were missing out on it.

  6. PrecisionGrace

    Were you having a pre-middle life crisis? People who don’t stop to smell the roses (and check them for aphids) on a regular basis, have to contend with plastic flowers.
    … OMG I’m like so wise and insightful in shit!

    Glad to have you back! 😀

  7. I’ve been away, too, but for altogether different reasons. Like, OMG can he stop being sick yet?

    I have so many posts swirling around in my head I wonder if I’ll ever get to them all.

  8. VERY glad to have you back!

    “I started going to bed early. Like, before midnight.” – Good God, I remember those days fondly … from when I was 10, I think … 😉

    • Really, the greatest gift I could ever receive would be if someone would call me every night, at, say, 9, and tell me in a firm but gentle voice to get the hell to bed.

      • Ya know, that was one of the hardest things to get used to when the ex and I split … he’d start about midnight saying ‘go to bed! go to bed! go to bed!’ until I’d finally get off my ass and go to bed. With nobody to do that anymore, I’m never in bed before 1-2am now LOL.

        And FORGET trying to get up in the morning! He was my alarm clock too! I sleep right through the damn thing! I don’t think the kids have been on time for school in the last six years 😉

      • I start to go to bed at 10ish. I trip on a bowl from snack time and pick it up. As I put it in the sink I notice it is full. While I’m washing the dishes I remember the laundry I started and do another load. “Since you’re up could you make me a tea?” while that’s brewing I pack the kids’ bags for the next day. As I fold the towels I think fondly of ‘me’ time, so I wash my face and brush my teeth, then I feel guilty about not spending enough time with the dog so I stand outside for some time to bond. Yawning, I check on the cheribs. I pat each head and take a moment to think about something special with each one and remember why I do it every day. Then off to bed to fight for a corner of the blanket (how did he get in there so darn quickly?) And shut my eyes, hopefully, before the sun starts to peek over the horizon.

      • Sigh. I hear you.

  9. Yeah, I miss you, girl. So good to see you back.

  10. I’ve been a delinquent blogger myself, Ginny. I’m kind of back. Maybe. We’ll see if I have anything worth writing about. Glad you’re back though. Because you certainly have stuff worth reading.

  11. I know the feeling. I do the same thing, with blogging and with fencing and with lots of my more “out there” ideas. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that there are so many other things in life, beckoning. And honestly, most of them seem more important. Then the guilt builds up enough and I find myself finally coming back, and that’s a relief rather than a burden. But I try not to promise anyone (including mysel) that I’m back for good this time.

    At least that’s how it is for me.

  12. Welcome back. That is all.

  13. Coming across your site is like driving down a deserted road, and finding a rest stop with the best dang apple pie. I think I’ll come back. Thanks!

  14. I too would add to the chorus. Glad you’re okay.
    Write whatever, whenever. We will be here.

  15. Well, I think it’s absolutely fantastic you had a break. (Given the length of mine, who am I to judge, hey?).

    Anyway, glad you’re out and experiencing some awesomeness!

  16. Blogging is just one of those things.
    Sometimes you gotta go do shit so you have more shit to write about. 😀

  17. I know. I’ve recently discovered that I really like my job and have started actually doing it. Which means I have less time an inclination to mess about on the internet. I want to write, but I just don’t make the time.

    • I’m glad you like your job. That sounds like such a simple thing, but what do you think the percentage of people who can say that is?

  18. I would have missed you greatly if I weren’t so busy being MIA myself. I wish you a belated welcome back.

  19. As you know, I totally get it, because here I am reading like a month after you posted and I used to have my reader all cleared out and cleaned and was on it when a new one popped up. I don’t know why…I just can’t. But then I start thinking about people and how much I care about them, however removed they are from my real life.

    As to writing, I am just absolutely dulled into silence. And I’m okay too, I think. Or maybe I’m not because while I feel happy, I can’t bring myself to post about the day to day anymore and I wish I could because it must mean that I’m not finding humor in places where it used to come naturally. I don’t know. When I start reading up I start realizing I need to reflect on why I’m not writing anymore. But right now it just feels to difficult to write anything. Okay, there, I said it, I’m lazy.

    The other thing keeping me from reading blogs and writing is that I recently rediscoverd these cool little things called books and I’m just kind of on a roll of one good book after another and I don’t want to jinx it.

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