Feliz cumpleaños, señoras!

Christmas birthdays probably blow.

People give you christmasbirthday presents, a lot of your friends are away on vacation, Jesus completely steals your thunder, and you have to act like it’s all cool.

You know what else blows?

Birthdays right after Christmas.

Everyone’s hung over, feeling bloated, and broke.

The odds for a good birthday are kind of against you.  Unless you are a chick who is so awesome, your birthday has no choice but to be a reflection of your awesomeness.

Not one, but two totally rockin’ bloggers I happen to be friends with happen to have post-Christmas birthdays.  On the same day.

Please join me in wishing Kitty and Rassles each a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!  IN CAPITALS, BECAUSE THAT INDICATES YOU REALLY MEAN IT!!!

I realize neither of you is named Emma, but the love? That's real.

(Image via Cake Wrecks.)

Which brings me to me.

My birthday is exactly one month after Rassles and Kitty’s birthday.

It’s a demographic-jumping year for me.  I’m leaving the coveted 17-34 group.  Off to the purgatory of the pre-middle aged.  The only things marketed at me are beige carpeting and Sheryl Crow CDs.

I want to turn thirty-five in a blaze of glory.

So how do I go about making that happen?

All ideas are welcome.

(But just so you know, here’s some things I won’t do:

Wear heels over 2 inches.

Eat kale.

Get a perm.

Drive a Yugoslavian car.

Shank a bitch.


Go to a movie starring Kate Hudson (I find her off-putting.)

Lick a metal pole.


Take public transportation.

Wear lace-up anything.

But other than that, anything is fair game.)


32 responses to “Feliz cumpleaños, señoras!

  1. Whatever you do, don’t fall for the beige carpet

  2. I’m still laughing at “jesus completely steals your thunder”… 🙂

  3. A_wandering_mind

    Have a makeover! 🙂 Btw great post. I am going to add you to my blogroll. Thats for sure

  4. Oh Ginny, you shouldn’t have!
    THANKS, you funny funny girl.
    It does rock to share a birthday with Rassles. So glad to have found her here and you at Sulya’s.

  5. The traditional way to celebrate 35 in a blaze of glory is to shank a bitch.

    So I guess you’re out of luck.

  6. I’m hitting the big 4-0 in a few months so I need to start thinking of this too.

    Maybe the best birthday blaze of glory is to have a steamy affair with a celebrity childhood crush. Does anyone know how to get in touch with Shaun Cassidy, Ricky Schroeder, John Schneider, Jason Bateman, or the guy who played Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles?

    Also, where can I get that cake???

  7. corset friday, nursemyra’s place…. 🙂

  8. They do make some of those lace-up items with velcro instead. This is for the over-35 crowd who’s fingers my be starting to feel a little stiff in the morning.

    I can see the seams on the softball as it floats lazily toward home plate.

    Hank Overcure

  9. Go to the spa. you get to wear a robe and slipper. everything is quiet and people pamper you. sounds like heaven to me.

    happy birthday to all the January birthday girls and boys out there.

  10. HAPPY BIRTHDAY (see I really mean it!) KITTY, RASSLES & GINNY!

    GREAT POST. (Excuse me while I lick off those chest hairs).

    Ginny, welcome to purgatory & thanks for making me feel old (I just hit 40 in September). Wow – I just had a rush of writing ideas while composing this comment, so THANKS (I meant that one).

    Ideas for marking your (plunge towards elderdom) blaze of glory? When I turned 30, I bought myself a diamond sapphire ring. Beats getting a perm, right?

  11. Yes, happy birthday to Kitty (and Rassles, who I don’t know) and to me, too!

    I love that someone took the time to make each – individual – chest – hair. Now THAT is detail oriented.

  12. When I turned 30 I had an 80’s prom themed party (of which I was the queen of course.) We had spiked punch, horrible dresses, horrible hair, etc. It was awesome.

  13. For my 30th, two of my sisters and I had a girls’ weekend in New Orleans, brunch at the Court of Two Sisters, lots of wonderful restaurants and great shopping. What’s your favorite getaway city — could you plan a weekend with your friends?

    Happy soon-to-be birthday!

  14. I would mail you five dollars, but then you’re going to have to go exchange it for crazy Canadian money with loons and geese and mounties and stuff, and that totally defeats the purpose of getting five dollars which is, of course, to get a footlong sandwich at Subway.


  15. OH! And thanks for the birthday wishes. You are a bloggy goddess.

  16. I have no idea. I stink at birthdays.
    (Meaning I don’t do them very well. I don’t smell worse than usual on them.)

  17. Woah, woah, woah…let’s not get to dark in our thinking about heading for the 40’s. I heard years ago that there was a ‘sexual diamond’ just waiting for me when I got into my 40’s. Indeed, I’ve turned into a total hooker and could easily dress up in all kinds of things and throw myself into that hairy cake.

  18. My mom, dad, and hubby all had birthdays in the past two weeks. I am exhausted from celebrating! Not too exhausted to recommend a night on the town for 35! It’s great to be any age, celebrate big!!

  19. My birthday is on the 9th. To me it never seemed that close to Christmas but apparently to everyone else I know it does.

    I’m turning 35 too.

    I’m afraid I have no awesome ideas for you – I was just hoping for dinner and a movie but apparently even that is not to be. Bah. Hope when you party you party big enough for the both of us.

    PS. I love the cake. Yay Magnum PI!

  20. Is ‘drink’ too obvious?

    What if you add ‘eat’?

    I got nothing.

  21. Go streaking.
    It doesn’t have to be through your neighborhood.
    It sure as hell makes a statement.
    “I’M NAKED AND 35! YEAH!”
    (because the caps say that you really mean it… that’s a good one.)

  22. Hmmm, that was 1975? Have a 1975 themed party, you were there, but not really THERE. Lot’s of polyester, frizzy hair, and great music. The food will be all mayo based and icky. why, yes I should be a party planner.

    And one more thing, I’m homing in on 51 and I just might be to aged to be ready your blog… 😦 But I’ll stick around to see what happens.

  23. I was totally going to suggest Shank a bitch.


    Happy Birthday sweetness.

  24. I once had an afternoon tea party with a dozen girlfriends that was way better than it sounds.

    A friend celebrated her 40th with canoeing / kayaking with 10 girlfriends (she liked my girls only idea that much), then back to one of her friend’s gorgeous house for a fabulous dinner (we all contributed our specialities). It was fun doing something physical that we don’t do every day. Maybe an afternoon of skiing or snowmobiling or ice skating given it’s the dead of winter.

    My best friend and I are planning on celebrating our 40th by meeting up in Europe for two weeks (she’s in Canada, I’m in Australia). Seriously looking forward to that – hoping it actually happens.

  25. Is that Tom Selleck or Burt Reynolds?

  26. Hand the kids off to a babysitter, then meet your husband at a strange bar and act like you don’t know one another so he can pick you up. 🙂

  27. I have one of those post-xmas birthdays too and it kinda blows.

    I still get marketed to though, but only for another couple years.

  28. “shank a bitch!” bahahahah!! 🙂
    thanks for the much needed laughter today.

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