It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. And by “Came”, I Mean, Well, You Know…

Picture it:  Southern Alberta, the last night of 2001.

The night is cold, we (my sister Sherri, her boyfriend, me and Owen) are drunk.  Sherri has neighbors over, and we are trying our best to act, you know, normal, and what-not.

Midnight comes, people kiss, the neighbors go home.

And Sherri shows us what her boyfriend bought her for her last birthday:

(FOLLOW THIS LINK, BECAUSE I JUST CAN’T PUT A LARGE PICTURE OF A DILDO IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOLIDAY POST.  I JUST CAN’T.)

They say it was a gag gift.  The scale of it makes me hope like hell it wasn’t serious.  The thing is the size of my forearm.  And it adheres to flat surfaces, like, say, the wall, the windshield of a car, whatever you might need it to adhere to.

We’re contemplating bed, the night is winding down.  But Sherri & Owen aren’t quite ready to call it a night.  They feel like maybe a prank is in order.  So they pick up the Gift, and head to the neighbors.

They place it, carefully, on the doorstep.  Then knock on the door and run away.

They hide behind a car and watch as the neighbor comes out, looks both ways, sees no one, and closes the door.

Sherri is willing to give up.  Owen is not.

He goes back, pounds harder, runs like hell.

Damn near wipes out, instead makes it look like he’s sliding into home around the back of a car.

The neighbor comes out again.  Same thing.  Starts to close the door.

“LOOK AT THE GROUND.”

The neighbor heeds the disembodied voice.

Looks down.

Sees the gift.

Picks it up and quietly closes the door behind him.

I can only assume it was a Happy New Year at their house.

And Happy New Year to all of you!

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20 responses to “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. And by “Came”, I Mean, Well, You Know…

  1. On the first day of Christmas… 😯

    Your forearm? My oh my. 😛

  2. HAHAHA!

    I think the body-less voice made it even funnier! Maybe next time they should stick it right to the door. 😀

  3. at least they didnt’ set it on fire….

  4. I used to work for a German woman who had one of those attached to the wall of her shower for a couple of weeks…..

  5. I wonder if he thought it was the dildo who was talking…

  6. I once woke up from a nap and found one of those and my bra had been attached to the ceiling fan and were going ’round and ’round over my head.
    Um…

  7. one of these days…i will answer the door to find a giant dildo…i just know it! *sigh* a girl can dream…

  8. Huh. I didn’t know you were in Southern Alberta too. Small world.

    Now I want to go check if Santa left me a dildo on my front step too.

  9. This reminds me of someone leaving an inflatable sheep for my friend’s brother…

  10. Ah yes, the old novelty dildo knock and run. Classic.

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