Christmas Is Over, Now Get the Hell Out

Christmas has just barely passed.

There is still wrapping paper bagged up on my back porch, waiting for garbage day.  The crumbs of Santa’s cookies still cling to the cookie jar.  The scent of eggnog still hangs heavy in the air.

New Year’s Day, and its preceding Eve, have yet to pass.

But I’m done.

I have had enough eating till I bloat, enough stores and restaurants open only on wacky schedules, enough of ceding precious living room space to a tree.

And enough of people to whom I am related.

I had a vague feeling of unrest today, the last day of my in-law’s stay at my house, this festive season.

I was starting to want my house back, to not have to ask if anyone wants tea, to be able to take up a whole couch and not feel one bit bad about it.

And then came the crystallizing moment.

I’d had to pee for quite a while.  But stuff kept coming up, kids with questions, phones kept ringing, and it all conspired to keep me away from the bathroom.

Finally, it couldn’t wait.  I’d left it too long, and as my Kegel muscles were starting to cry “Foul!”, I dashed up the stairs, undoing my pants as I went.

As I reached the bathroom door, my jeans were already around my ankles.  My vision tunneled, and I focused on the toilet, already reveling in the relief.

But then, in my periphery…

was my father-in-law.  Making a cell phone call in the only place in the house a person could find privacy – my bathroom.

And he tried to act like it didn’t happen, like he’d seen nothing.

But he did.

He saw it.

It.

Whatever you call it, he saw it.

The festive season is over.  And now I have to avoid eye contact till the next one.

Advertisements

38 responses to “Christmas Is Over, Now Get the Hell Out

  1. *snort* Yes, the holidays must be over when these things happen.

  2. it’s moments like this that have made me pull the blankets over my head… DECADES after the incident.

    but shit, at MY age? i’d have never lasted that long… he’d have not only seen The Beav? He’d have gotten to watch me pee… middle age is a motherfucker.

  3. What’s a little wildlife spotting amidst the family? {*grin*}

  4. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrghrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (and that’s just for making me think of W.)

  5. I am sorry for laughing, but OMFG … hilarious!

  6. I would have DIED but I confess to laughing really hard right now.

  7. hahahha… lucky dad-in-law

  8. awesome! nothing like flashing the in-laws. Though my question is…..your jeans were around your ankles…..I am assuming so were your knickers….or does a certain Ms Ginny go cammando? lol 😉

  9. commando. whatever. typos suck. I know how to spell, truely. Ha – kidding, with the truly. Anyhoo!

  10. Oh Lord. Awful. Yet sooo funny. lol sorry .

    My brother in law once walked in on our mother while she was buck naked. I think he became scarred for life. 🙂

  11. Now he spends his day chuckling everytime he sees the size of your son’s head.

  12. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

    I can’t write anything, I’m laughing too hard.

  13. hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa…hysterical! Yeah, probably at your expense, but hysterical none the less!
    Perhaps we should trade FIL’s next year. My FIL would have absolutely no plex about that incident, and your’s could come here and learn how to have no plex about it either.

  14. Um…I just realized that sounds really, really bad, doesn’t it.

  15. Ha! Reminds me a of a great quote from “Friends”…

    “It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”

    Same for Christmas.

  16. That’s soooo BAD! Oh no! Soooooo Baaaaaad! Funny, but bad!

  17. i just laughed out loud…. to ease the awkwardness with the FIL just tell him he should be happy it wasn’t a beer shit.

  18. WOW. That is pretty major. Good luck on all the eye contact avoidance.

  19. oh, bwahahaha.

    Apparently I sleepwalk and one holiday before I was married, I walked into my parent’s family room whilst all my brother in-laws, my brother and sisters were watching a late night movie.

    I pulled down my pants and sat next to my bil on the coach as if to relieve myself. Apparently, i was really slow and all got to see my {ahem}.

    They told ma about it the next day. I didn’t believe them, but they were able to describe my [ahem] line. Sigh.

    Last week, my seven year old did the same thing. He walked downstair, listed the garbage lid, pulled on his pants and started to pee.

    I startled and schreeched and he awoke and started to cry.

    Yep, my little guy. I felt the same way…

  20. Oh. My.

    If for nothing else THIS makes me happy my in-laws live in the same town and don’t have to stay with us. It’s bad enough the kids keep coming home from college. 😉 Kidding.

    But really. What does one say to someone who’s had something this tragic happen? I’m sorry. It just doesn’t seem like enough.

    Thanks for the laugh, Ginny. I’ll be sure to pass this story along to Bill. I know he’ll get a kick out of it.

    • I can’t believe it took this long, actually. I’ve known him since I was 18, I lived with the in-laws for a couple of those years. Really, I was due.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s