As we speak, trees are dying in my name.
Trees being felled to make paper. And that paper is going towards the shit load of flyers coming through my mail slot. Flyers advertising all the gifts that will clearly make me and my loved ones deliriously happy, if only we purchase them.
Some gift ideas are a harder sell than others. And in that spirit, the marketing geniuses of the world are pulling out all the stops. Thinking way outside the box. So far, that the box is just a dot on the horizon.
Observe:
This woman was in a flyer I received this week.
Looks happy, doesn’t she? Past happy, even. Maybe bordering on (blush) orgasmic.
Now what could she be selling me that would make her look like that?
Give up?
You wouldn’t have guessed, anyway.
Yup. A vacuum cleaner.
Some marketing dude sat in an office (you know it was a guy no woman would do this) and said, “You know, the Canadian housewife is just waiting to have a vacuuming experience that will leave her frozen and in need of a cigarette. And by golly boys, we’re gonna show her how it’s done!”
Not that I was an avid vacuumer before this, but I find myself turned off the entire business now. For shame, wacko advertising guy. For shame.
Praying to Darwin 
she has seriously long legs.
that item she’s holding looks like something to compress snow with instead of something to vacuum up dirt
The long legs may be exaggerated by the angle of the picture (I was too lazy to stand up, so I just leaned back to take the picture. There. I admitted it. Happy ? 😉 )
I too tend to cross my legs and shout “Ahhhh” after a good vacuuming. Perhaps I need to rethink this homemaker position I am currently holding down. You went back to work and you are happy, seeing adults, etc. I may be due.
Andy Madedinner
Apparently, I was doing it all wrong.
I am so happy that you’re blogging every day – I need the laughs. Crappy Tuesdays, gay boyfriends, vacuums as “adult” toys – your world is such a great place. Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
I’m happy you’re reading. You never know if anyone will show up when you start something like this, so thanks.
vacuum cleaners with wireless remote ummm…. er… “attachments”? be right back. off to file a patent…
As your muse, I feel it’s only right to get a cut…
I think that my position on vacuuming is abundantly clear to all who know me but holy hannah if that isn’t the most offensive advertising tripe I’ve seen in some time.
I would so prefer an image of that woman using that vacuum to bash the ice off her windshield… Far more realistic.
I knew this one would get to you. I think I had you in mind, actually.
Ok, that is definitely over the top… But the Dyson is “almost” that awesome…
Is it really? Because I have to say, their automated hand dryer was not the be-all end-all experience I was led to believe it would be.
I get very happy when I vacuum, but in my defense, I do it naked.
Oh my. Blinds closed or open?
You Canadians are so crazy, vacuuming snow, who would’ve thunk it.
Swear to god, we don’t. We do some wacky shit. But not that.
You guys have this all wrong. That advertisement was clearly aimed at men, not women. It’s trying to tell us ‘Your wife will be this happy if you buy her a vacuum cleaner for Christmas.’ And, us men are just stupid enough to fall for it. Sure, we still remember what happened last year when we bought her that ironing board, and the lecture about not buying household appliances as a Christmas gift, but surely she didn’t mean this awesome vacuum cleaner.
In that case, don’t believe the hype Dan. Seriously.
Those boots look like a better buy. And lets face it, it’s probably what’s making her so happy.
Those boots look like part of a re-purposed Yeti costume. Still better than a Snow Vacuum.
the vacuum must be plugged in, and she’s getting a buzz of of it. are you sure it isn’t a bong?
I’m not sure of anything, Seraphine. And that would make a lot more sense.
clearly they only thought this partially through. the woman should instead be holding a power tool of some sort. that way it’s a fully-fledged pile of sexist, gender-norm crap.
god, i hate it when people only go halfway.
At least she’s not wearing a bikini?
perfect! a bikini and a chainsaw! and she could be holding a beer! *sigh*. i was MADE for advertising!
Wow. That’s probably the worst advertisement ever.
It’s not good, that’s for damn sure.
Do you think you could vacuum snow?
Well, next time I’ve got a spare hour and 50 feet of extension cord, maybe I’ll give it a whirl. In the name of science, of course.
That is ridiculous. Maybe she’s thinking of using it as some kind of snowmobile?
Nope. She’d have bigger mitts on 😉
I want to know why she’s vacumming outside. Assuming marketing imagery is strategically planned with some exact purpose in mind, I wonder why on earth they put her out in the snow with a vacuum. Like, is she going to vacuum up all that snow? Without changing the bag, even?
You’ll love vacuuming so much, you won’t even notice you’ve left the house!!! (I would love to talk to these people. Seriously.)
YES! God DAMN all advertising companies everywhere. They suck big time. Worse than that stupid ass vacuum, which probably doesn’t suck enough. Let’s make advertising illegal, shall we?
Where’s she supposed to plug that thing in anyway?!
Appreciated your admission of photographing the flyer. I get questioned often about some of the crap I point the camera at.
Of course I photographed the flyer. The scanner is ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS, for the love of god.