Hot New Trends! Fall 2009 Edition!

1. Wheelchairs!

 

Those old-school pieces of fabulousness are everywhere right now, and waiting to roll their rubber-wheeled way into our hearts!  From the unabashedly geeky Kevin McHale on “Glee

 

glee-600

(image from here)

to the King of Cringe, Larry David on ” Curb Your Enthusiasm

 

larry david

(image from here)

(who on tonight’s episode, dated not one, but two wheelchair drivin’ chicks, and in lieu of learning their real names, dubbed them Wendy Wheelchair and Denise Handicapped), wheelchairs will NOT be ignored!

 

2.  The Head Nod!

 

Thanks to that fab new pandemic, H1N1 (see: Hot New Trends, Winter 2008 Edition), shaking hands is now all but verboten.  The two cheek kiss, a marker of a bygone era.  So what nicety stands between our civility and reverting to living in trees, flinging our own feces?  The Head Nod! 

head-nod-large

(image from here)

It’s the gesture that says, “Hey!  You, there!  I acknowledge your presence, and I think you’re super, but I don’t want to actually touch you, because you sort of look like a carrier!”

 

3.  Apps!

 

How did we live without apps?  They’ve embedded themselves into our lives so seamlessly, we’ve all forgotten what the non-word “apps” is short for, and we don’t even care! 

18_sexy_iphone_apps_headline2

(image from here)

And they’re not just for your iPhone, anymore!  Google, Twitter & Facebook have ’em, your printer has apps, your car’s dashboard probably has some apps. 

 (I looked in my purse, to see if there were any apps there.  Sadly, the search turned up a piece of fruit leather, ca. 2002, and a Biore nose strip.  {If I may go tangential, do they even make those things anymore?}  But no apps.  Maybe next year.)

 

4.  Exclamation Points!

 

richard-artschwager-exclamation-point-2006

(image from here)

Because there is NO faster way to make someone feel like you are immediate best friends than the use of an exclamation point!

For example, let’s say you read this in an email:

“I really love what you wore to the party.”  And you’re like, “Is that bitch being sarcastic!  That no-fashion-sense piece of trash dares to call me out…”

But if you read this:

“I really love what you wore to the party!”  You’re all “Oh!  Sometimes I forget how much I love Grandma!”

Plus?  There’s no quicker way to make a person buy into your excitement!  (It worked on you, didn’t it?)

 

5.  Mom Jeans!

 

They were due for a comeback!  Because more than enough time has gone by since the crew from West Beverly

Beverly-Hills-90210-tv-14

(image from here)

beamed into our living rooms every Thursday night, in all their high-waisted glory, for this style to make a COMEBACK!!!

 

(OK, you caught me.  I wanted this one to sneak through.  Because I really, really need this trend to come around.  You see, it’s winter here.  Early.  And I got so sick of bending over, in jeans with waist-lines designed for Teens Who Make Poor Fashion Choices, and feeling the cool, cool air caressing my lower torso/upper ass, that I succumbed.  And bought a pair of Mom Jeans.  Their waist?  Sits at my waist.  And I LOVE them.  I’m never going back.  So follow me or not.  Whatever.  At least elementary school children will no longer be scarred by the sight of me, in a short jacket, bending over to zip up winter boots.  So I think I’ve made the world a slightly better place, don’t you?)

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49 responses to “Hot New Trends! Fall 2009 Edition!

  1. glad you’re posting again ginny – i missed you!

    hey have you seen the new woody allen flick? It really sucks even with larry david in it

  2. I loooove ‘Glee’

    Mum jeans? (sorry Aussie in the comment box) We have a store called ‘Jeans West’ (do you guys have it?) and they have nice jeans with minimal butt cleavage, without making you look all bladder-busting in the front. Just thought I would share 😉

    http://www.jeanswest.com.au/store/Womens/Denim/Bootcut/stretch-bootcut-indigo-rinse.html

    (if only my ass was this small)

  3. I like a woman who knows when the world doesn’t need to see her crack. I mean, I like a woman who knows when the world doesn’t need to see her crack! There are so many in the “never” category who don’t seem to know it and precious few in “anytime is fine.” That sounds quite superficial, sexist and judgemental but I’m going to go with it!

    Benjamin C. Dover

  4. the higher-rise jeans aren’t all that bad, are they? i thought that technically, so long as there is no elastic, they aren’t mom jeans? my butt crack is a ‘never, thank you very much’….

    • Hey, if the elastic is the qualifier, then never mind, they’re not mom jeans. They also have back pockets, which, come to think of it, I don’t think the mom jeans are suppposed to have.

  5. If we combine the head nod with the elbow bump, we have the beginnings of “the dance of greeting.”

  6. I’ve just recently started watching Curb Your Enthusiasm & I love it! I cant beleive it’s been on for seven seasons & I just got into it.

    I havent watched Glee yet but I’ve heard great things.

  7. The night my husband told me he’d love me, even if I wore Mom jeans, was the night I walked away from those teeny-bopper nightmares that no woman with 2 crooked C-sections should EVER wear. God gave me hips for a reason. To wear jeans. Time to put those bad boy hips to work. Really enjoy your sense of humor, Lori

  8. I have one pair of, ahem, higher waisted jeans. They are for the express purposes of pairing with certain shirts to make sure I have no visible muffin topping. They are sooo comfortable but I can only condone these if the shirt is untucked.

  9. Also K-mart! And what you had for breakfast!

    😉

  10. Neither here nor there, but I honestly think I would take a chance on my freedom if the opportunity arose to murder Luke Perry.

  11. ginny, for what it’s worth, i’ve been wearing ‘mom jeans’ since my early 20’s. they’re just soooo comfortable!

  12. Welcome back 🙂

  13. Nice try on the Mom Jeans!

    And the head nod? You find the greatest pictures.

    Nice to meet you, Ginny!

  14. I agree with daisyfae…as long as there is no elastic, they don’t count as mom-jeans. Can’t wait for high-waisted stuff to come back. The end of the muffin top!

  15. Oh, thank you so much for the chuckle this morning! Love it!

    Glad you’re back. 🙂

  16. Just last night I realized three people I’ve never met before knew what kind of underwear I had on. I mean, It’s not like that’s never happened before. It’s just that it was a lot more exciting when it was because I was 21 and drunk. Now it’s just because I’ve put my 43-year-old ass into a pair of teen jeans.

  17. Along the h1n1 lines … I’ve recently started working in a building with a completely touchless bathroom!

    The toilet flushes itself when you get up. The water runs once you put your hands under the tap, soap dispenses the same way from the wall, and when you’re done, stick your hands under the paper towel dispenser, and it automagically comes out. One sheet at a time! LOL

    • Ours were like this where I used to work! Of course, none of it helps when you see the lady in front of you blow her nose in her hands and then open the door while wiping one palm after the other on her pants… /cry

    • Whoa. As long as you’re not stuck with a completely ineffective hand-dryer at the end, that sounds like my kind of set-up.

  18. Ah the apps and the headnod bits have me rolling in what passes for an aisle in our office. Unfortunately the “aisle” in question is littered with used tissues from the husband, who does not seem to understand the concept of placing klenex in the trash receptacle when he is done blowing them to pieces. Nor does he understand the ideology behind emptying said receptacle when it is filled. Memphis in October and it looks like snow has come to our office. Off track! Love the post, Ginny, and I remain certain that you rock those mom jeans!!

  19. I’m so ready for the exclamation point! The question mark? So last season.

    • Every time I tried to make a pithy reply to this comment, it involved a question. And then I didn’t want to use a question mark, cause they’re out. So never mind.

  20. Larry David happens to be on a list of mine, too. 😉

  21. you can have all the high waisted jeans you want. I can’t stand them.

    I don’t have any aps. I have a Blackberry. I had no idea how incomplete my life was

  22. Oh the power of punctuation. With texting and emailing it can be difficult to express tone, but throw in a few of those bad boys and you’re set!!!! <~~~Like there. Couldn't you just feel the exclamation in my voice??? 🙂

    Good to have you back,

    JayArr

  23. I did the witch thing last year ‘cuz it was so easy {snort} and now Max {almost 5} thinks it is mandatory for mama to dress up every year. Maybe I’ll pick up a hot dog costume or something. I’m sure there will be plenty of those left by time I make it to the store, last minute. Bella {almost 3} is a fairy princess this year. I tried to talk her into being a *zombie* fairy princess, but she didn’t go for it. Maybe when I bust out the black and gray makeup for Max’s Dracula outfit, she’ll have a change of heart.

    Oh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the robot costume – best one I’ve seen yet.

  24. I think I am crying with joy.

    I love the mom jeans! C’mon did we ever think leggings would come back? I just hope spandex stays down…

    • Thanks Jaime. I’ve since been convinced that “Mom Jeans” involve elastic waists and a marked lack of back pockets. So I’m not quite willing to go that far. But yeah, you know what I’m aiming at.

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