The Ridiculous Load (Which I Promise is SFW, and NOT the Name of a Failed Pornographic Film*)

In this frigid little corner of the earth, the seasons change pretty damn fast.

 

So fast, that we’ve nearly done away with Spring and Fall.  We’re direct, no-nonsense folks.  Fall and Spring are for ditherers and gaddabouts. 

 

If you’re  not really, really  paying attention here, you could, conceivably, miss Fall.

 

The signs are there, but they’re not always reliable. 

 

Back to School didn’t mean much when the kids were sweating their way through 32 degree celsius/90 degree farenheit weather.

In the Age of Central Air, casseroles and roasts are no longer the exclusive province of the Autumn chef.

Sports and lessons, which used to be a reliable demarcation line between Summer and Fall, now go year-round.

Even the high holy month known as Season Premiere Month on TV is now virtually meaningless.  TV seasons start whenever the hell they feel like it, and I can watch new episodes of something every month of the year.

 

So, to try to make sense of it all, to wrap my head around these crazy times I’m living in, I did what I always do.  Laundry.

 

And that’s where I stumbled across the perfect way to tell that Fall has, indeed, arrived.

 

The Ridiculous Load.

 

That one load of laundry that contains elements so unsuitable, you can’t believe you ever needed them.  A load of laundry filled with shorts, and linen capris, and bathing suits and tank tops, all still redolent with the cloying odor of sunscreen.  And as you’re folding these treasures, you look outside, where the leaves have forsaken the trees, and the sky is a particularly pregnant shade of gray, that could deliver snow at any minute.

 

 

You look down at the tank top.

 

You shiver.

 

And you know it’s Fall.

 

 leaves

 

 

* OK, so that totally could be the name of a failed pornographic film, hell, it could be an actual, un-failed pornographic film, that’s just not what I was talking about in this case, and if it really were a pornographic film, I think it would be kind of artsy, don’t you?

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49 responses to “The Ridiculous Load (Which I Promise is SFW, and NOT the Name of a Failed Pornographic Film*)

  1. I’ve found a good indicator down our way in Toronto is when bar patio’s go from being populated by rowdy drunks wearing ironic T-shirts to rowdy drunks wearing hockey jerseys

  2. Are you going to be in that film?

  3. a good indicator. i know it’s fall when i have to wear a heavy winter coat to drive to work in the morning. in my topless jeep. because i know that it’ll be perfect jeep weather by the time i drive home, and i hate to miss one more topless day…. (sigh)

  4. For me the ridiculous load would refer to the fall time but for different reason. With five people in our house, the change from swimsuits, tank tops and shorts to jeans, long sleeves, socks etc. means like triple the laundry for me because of the extra weight these warm weather clothes bring. In addition to that, pullovers and sweaters we all would normally wear several times before laundering have to go each wear because fall has ushered in flu season and between the kids using their sleeves as tissue and even just holding the bebe for a few minutes typically results in a shiny smear across one’s chest, ugh. I wish I had an Alice like in the Brady Bunch.

    • And what in the flying hell did Carol Brady need an Alice for? Bitch never had a job. How the crap did they even afford her? And why is this making me so angry, now?

  5. Yeah, I just spent my free morning digging out winter coats and putting away sunhats. But since I never finish anything in one go, now it seems that every piece of clothing we own is sorted into meaningless piles in the basement. Sigh.

    Did you take that picture? I like it.

  6. We don’t really have winter. Just an extended Fall and Spring. But as a soft Southerner I’m kind of OK with that.

    I don’t know a thing about porn. Far too genteel for that.

  7. Wait, I thought you lived in Canada? Have you been in Rhode Island recently?

  8. i had a ridiculous load moment yesterday – i wore shorts because the days had been starting out chilly and then getting warmer in the afternoon. well, yesterday it never warmed up and i sure looked like an idiot.
    plus i was FREEZING

  9. hey it’s nearly summer over here and I’m HAPPY about it!

  10. I would rent “The Rediculous Load” because the title implies self-deprecation which, I have read, is sorely missing in the doing it industry.

    Fall is here because of the happy visit just yesterday of the Propane Man (“the propane man, the propane man, he has that stink, upon his hands”) and this morning the wall heater has the delightful, dry smell of burning dust. I guess Fall smells at my house. Now if I could just get someone to come in and bake a mile-high apple pie with a lattice crust.

    Ray Nasal

    • Self-Deprecating Porn. Oh dear lord, I think you’re onto something. For a certain, self-loathing segment of the population, you may have just hit a goldmine.

  11. I was just thinking that this morning! I put on a load that had heavy sweaters, jean and shorts and tank tops… We had about a week of autumn and, based on today’s temperature, are heading right into winter! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

  12. Oops *jeans* (there is no woman named Jean nor a man named Jean in my laundry)! 😛

  13. wth is sfw?

  14. My favorite time of year! Our ridiculous load seems to last forever here in Texas because it will be 60 degrees one morning and then 85 the next – wearing sweaters one morning and shorts the next. Hate that.

  15. SFW = Safe For Work

  16. I’m glad that I wasn’t the only one that didn’t know what SFW meant. I think that it is closing in on winter here in KS when my hubby and I are playing a game of air conditioner off, air conditioner on. He likes it cold, even if I end up wearing a sweater and thermal pants. Speaking of… air conditioner off!!! He won’t see that one coming!

    • We need to play a little game called “Hey Dumbasses! When There’s Snow on the Ground, Maybe It’s Time to Pop the Air Conditioner Out of the Window!”

  17. i think they should show that flick in health class… Ridiculous Loads aka How Baby’s are Made.

  18. Great title! Yes, Fall is definitely upon us.

  19. In Louisiana we have the ridiculous load year round. The one bonus is that when winter coats go on sale in February at major department stores to make way for the spring merchandise, that’s just when we need them. I remember bring my first born home from the hospital almost 12 years ago and breaking into a sweat because it was cold when I checked into the hospital and hot when we checked out 2 days later and did not bring the appropriate clothing. It’s still flipping hot here in the fall and the only way we know it’s fall is that the leaves fall off the trees and my mutt dog’s winter coat comes in. Last year we had SNOW! We will see that again in approximately 12-15 years. When I woke up that morning and looked outside I immediately thought “Nuclear Winter” and turned on the tv to see how long we had to live….

    • Ahhh, I hear you about the baby thing. My first was due in March, and I was ready with spring stuff. The day we brought him home, it was minus 40 (which is the same, farenheit or celcius. )

  20. I am too lazy to do a little digging to find out where you actually are, and I’m no stalker, but you could very well have just described my town as well. “Fall and Spring are for ditherers and gaddabouts.” Hilarious! Kudos.

    We have three seasons here. Hot, Cold and Windy. The leaves don’t get a chance to change colors and fall….they just blow off green. It’s sad, really. I do enjoy Fall.

  21. I know just what you mean. Only a week ago I was wearing short sleeve shirts to work and this week I’m scrounging for turtlenecks to wear under my parka (and it has nothing to do with hickeys). It’s flipping FREEZING here. Cripes. I had to let my car warm up this week before I could leave, and I miscalculated my time and had to bust out the ice scraper anyway.

    *sigh*

  22. I hung on to Summer as long as I could but sadly, the time has come. Goodbye capris. Goodbye happy bright colors.

    Trading in the flipflops for loafers hurt the most. And I actually bought some tights today.

  23. I am in Wisconsin and we went from 70 degrees to 50 degrees also, no 60’s. Our ridiculous load is washing all the summer stuff to put away and all the winter stuff to wear. No in between.

  24. The ridiculous load here is trying to fit the same number of long pants in a drawers that held the shorts.

  25. I was gonna say it sounds like comedy porn, but maybe you’re right, it’s artsy. Like if Fellini did porn.

  26. The Guy Who Once Saved Your Week

    I never Googled “The Ridiculous Load” before, at least not in quotation marks.
    I guess I always knew that it would return a web page with Owen’s name on it.

  27. Loving “The Guy Who Once Saved Your Week” because now I’m not the only one commenting waaay after the original post.

    Here in Memphis, TN, “The Ridiculous Load” consists of bathing suits, sweaters, long pants, shorts, tank tops, hoodies, long johns & sweat pants, flannel PJs and abbrieviated night shirts, and the shoes lined up in your bedroom or by your door are usually flip flops right beside heavy boots, open toed sandals cozying up with Neanderthal knee-highs lined with fur that is related to a living thing only insofar as your cat has rubbed up against them.

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