So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I took a wee, unintentional blog break. It just sort of happened. Want to know what I was doing? Of course you don’t. You’ve got much better, more fulfilling things to do. But in case I’ve overestimated your busy-ness:
1. I found out there wouldn’t be a funeral for my grandfather. My relief was palpable.
2. I totally won a pool. A Free Family grew by one, and I called both the date AND the gender of the baby. I never win anything. Ever. I am all over lottery tickets this weekend. Appointments to kiss my ring for luck are now being taken. (It should be noted that those appointments will be taking place in my imagination, exclusively.)
3. We went to Costco. I NEVER go to Costco, as I can never make it out for less than $300. Which might not be a big deal, if I actually bought anything we needed. But I thought it had been long enough, maybe I’d matured. Turns out I had. But for some insane reason, I got it into my head that I should browse the clothing section. With 2 energetic kids dancing around my cart and a bank of fluorescent lights overhead. I picked out a shirt, which The Boy stated (loudly) would “make your boobs look ridiculous!” (He was, unfortunately, correct. It seems Mr. Calvin Klein and I will have to agree to disagree as to what constitutes a size “large”.)
4. The Boy started Grade One. He was excited, and calm, all at the same time. He loves his teacher, I love his teacher, and this year is going to be six kinds of awesome. (I only cried once. And I don’t think more than 2 people saw me.)
5. My blog kind of exploded. (Did it seem a little crowded in here yesterday?) Someone submitted a post I wrote to this site. Did it belong on this site? No, not really. Because here’s the thing : I WASN’T BEING SERIOUS!!! Satire, tongue in cheek, call it what you want. But if you really can’t understand that I was joking/kidding/exaggerating, I worry about your mental health. Luckily, the majority of folks who came over here DID get it, and as for the trolls who didn’t, well out of a party of umpteen people, 5 assholes ain’t bad.
6. We went out for dinner to celebrate a successful first day of school. Sadly, Mother Nature didn’t get the memo that school is back in, so she kept the temperature on Scorch. By six o’clock, I was parched. When the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink, I said, “Something frozen and girly.”
This is what she brought:
No, your eyes, aren’t messing with you. And no, I didn’t special order that. It’s as if…they knew me.
P.S. This blog is not a democracy. If you’ve come here just to get your troll on, and can’t be bothered to read two comments ahead of yours, where I’ve gone out of my way to explain that some of my posts are satire? I’m not publishing your comment. As I plan on telling my grandkids one day, in the hopes that it will be the quote I become known for, “If you can’t say anything nice, shut the fuck up.”