Since (I)’ve Been Gone

So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I took a wee, unintentional blog break.  It just sort of happened.  Want to know what I was doing?  Of course you don’t.  You’ve got much better, more fulfilling things to do.  But in case I’ve overestimated your busy-ness:

 

1.  I found out there wouldn’t be a funeral for my grandfather.  My relief was palpable.

 

2.  I totally won a pool.  A Free Family grew by one, and I called both the date AND the gender of  the baby.  I never win anything.  Ever.  I am all over lottery tickets this weekend.  Appointments to kiss my ring for luck are now being taken.  (It should be noted that those appointments will be taking place in my imagination, exclusively.)

 

3.  We went to Costco.  I NEVER go to Costco, as I can never make it out for less than $300.  Which might not be a big deal, if I actually bought anything we needed.  But I thought it had been long enough, maybe I’d matured.  Turns out I had.  But for some insane reason, I got it into my head that I should browse the clothing section.  With 2 energetic kids dancing around my cart and a bank of fluorescent lights overhead.  I picked out a shirt, which The Boy stated (loudly) would “make your boobs look ridiculous!”  (He was, unfortunately, correct.  It seems Mr. Calvin Klein and I will have to agree to disagree as to what constitutes a size “large”.)

 

4.  The Boy started Grade One.  He was excited, and calm, all at the same time.  He loves his teacher, I love his teacher, and this year is going to be six kinds of awesome.  (I only cried once.  And I don’t think more than 2 people saw me.)

 

5.  My blog kind of exploded.  (Did it seem a little crowded in here yesterday?)  Someone submitted a post I wrote to this site.  Did it belong on this site?  No, not really.  Because here’s the thing :  I WASN’T  BEING SERIOUS!!!  Satire, tongue in cheek, call it what you want.  But if you really can’t understand that I was joking/kidding/exaggerating, I worry about your mental health.  Luckily, the majority of folks who came over here DID get it, and as for the trolls who didn’t, well out of a party of umpteen people, 5 assholes ain’t bad.

 

6.  We went out for dinner to celebrate a successful first day of school.  Sadly, Mother Nature didn’t get the memo that school is back in, so she kept the temperature on Scorch.  By six o’clock, I was parched.  When the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink, I said, “Something frozen and girly.”

This is what she brought:

untitled

 

No, your eyes, aren’t messing with you.  And no, I didn’t special order that.  It’s as if…they knew me.

 

 

P.S.  This blog is not a democracy.  If you’ve come here just to get your troll on, and can’t be bothered to read two comments ahead of yours, where I’ve gone out of my way to explain that some of my posts are satire?  I’m  not publishing your comment.  As I plan on telling my grandkids one day, in the hopes that it will be the quote I become known for, “If you can’t say anything nice, shut the fuck up.”

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94 responses to “Since (I)’ve Been Gone

  1. Oh Ginny, lol. I laugh a lot over here, girl, but your post being submitted to a site like that…
    Damn that’s funny. Funny. Funny.
    Can’t stop laughing!

    • It was the most exquisitely embarassing moment of my life. And as soon as I clicked over there, I KNEW it wasn’t the right site. But whatever, a butt load of cool new people came with it, so whatever.

      • You should be proud, not embarassed. Your post was the best thing I’ve read all week. I love your blog and I totally want to see math done through interpretive dance. Someone needs to get on that.

  2. Is that a worm in that drink?

  3. I’m so glad your post was submitted to that site because without the link back here I might never have found your adjective-worthy blog. I’m a fan.

  4. Frozen and girly… by the looks of that worm, it was clearly shaken and not stirred.

  5. Congrats on the blog love. Few people that get it deserve it. You? Worth every click . . .

  6. Gummy worms are girlie?
    Okay dokay.

    • I kind of thought that, too. But then, I knew a gummi worm was coming to my table, and there was no way in hell I would have to share it with the kids (it touched BOOZE!).

  7. That is hilarious! Maybe she heard you say “Something frozen and wormy.”

  8. Wow your blog really did explode! That was one of my alltime favorite posts of yours though. Most people seemed to get it, like you said.

    That drink looks yummy!

  9. I’m one of those strangers who stumbled on your blog from re-post of your teacher letter and I laughed to tears! I’m totally a subscriber now… keep up the great posts!

  10. A gummy worm cocktail! So awesome 🙂 I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus myself. I’m back – kind of. Glad you are too!

  11. You must have “loves gummy worms” written somewhere on your forehead…

    That drink looks yummy and I want one!

  12. Ginny – Love your blog! As it happens, I was introduced through ’emails from crazy people’. But don’t worry! Often times posts are actually emails TO crazy people – as I found yours to be. So please, don’t be discouraged – the right people will interpret your post correctly:)

  13. I think you were being serious. Go on, admit it…

  14. I am a newcomer to the awesomeness that is your blog. I wish I could say that I stumbled upon it randomly, but alas, I too was directed here from “Emails From Crazy People”.

    Forget the trolls that didn’t understand it. The letter had me rolling and I only wish you’d actually given it to the teacher and videotaped her response!

    I can’t wait to keep reading!

    • Thanks for coming over Lauren. I actually really enjoy the site – even though my stuff didn’t really belong there.

      Glad you enjoyed the post, anyway.

  15. i too am from the land of emails from crazy people and LOVED your post! sent it to my friend/parent of 2 children and SHE loved it too! i am however a bit disappointed that your son will NOT be showing his math work through interpretive dance. i had hoped at least some parts of your letter were serious. keep making us laugh!

    • I don’t know for sure that he WON’T show his work through interpretive dance. He’s been known to bust a move or two at highly inappropriate times!

  16. Wow, remember the little people when you’re Dooce North, will ya??

    And that drink…I know you like the worms, but my first thought was “They know you like — limp?”

    • Oh Tara. You know I’ll always be the same old shows up at school to pick up her kid with her underwear hanging out and pillow lines on her face woman I’ve always been.

      And my preferences, while they may not be mainstream, are still mine. Please respect them. And try not to laugh when you see my husband next time.

    • LOL Tara – I was def thinking something along the same lines. That worm just wasn’t in the mood. Too much alcohol perhaps? 😉

  17. I also found you because of emails from crazy people and I never once thought you were serious. I thought it was so obvious that it was satire. I laughed hysterically and forwarded it to my co-worker who also laughed hysterically. While I’m sorry you got trolls out of the deal, I am glad someone submitted the post because I have found yet another great blog to read.

  18. So…. I found you blog from reading all of the comments on that aforementioned site.

    I so got it.

    and it was hilarious.

    I will now be subscribing to your feeds because I enjoy that kind of snark.

    thank you for the laugh!

  19. You’re back! Cool drink! Costco can be evil. Yea for for boy being in grade 1! Awesome on the explosion! Want to really mess with people, diss a kid’s tv show. Trolls come out of the woodwork months later.

  20. Which TV show??? Was it Caillou? Because I fecking loathe Caillou.

  21. I’m one of the guys who came here from emailsfromcrazypeople.com, and I’m glad I did. I had nothing of any substance to do today except throw myself around the house in procrastination, so I read through damn near your entire back-log. I’m already a fan. I only follow one blog, and yours will be the second. 🙂

    • Thanks, Andy!

      I’m number 2! I’m number 2!

      • Wait, I guess that’s kind of a half-truth. You are the second person whose blog I want to follow, this is true, but the first is a friend who blogs maybe once every two weeks; I guess you could say you’re the first I’ve read who belongs to the “blogosphere” (please tell me you don’t use that word).

      • Go Number Two! (repeat)

        Chad Thue

  22. I’m thinking the waitress is also a follower of your blog…how else would she know about the gummy worms??? Congrats on expanding your audience AND infuriating a bunch of uptight people! Two for the price of one!

  23. uhm, wow – crowded blog! congrats on shooting through obscurity and into the blogosphere spotlight! i couldn’t read all of the comments – but i would like one of those drinks. now. please.

    congrats again! (and costco clothes always fit weird….)

    – daisymae (the blog is being upheaved, hence the name-change)

  24. NUMBER ONE!, NUMBER ONE!
    I have been reading your blog since the holidailies. I had started reading someone else’s and made my way to yours. Your blog is now the only one I read and I have read every blog post you have written since. I get excited when I see a new post or two I haven’t read.

    I was reading some comments from ‘that’ site. One of my favorites was by Christine who wrote: Sad thing is, there are women on Ginny’s website that find her hilarious, or more scarily, agree with her. This is exactly why we have a shortage of teachers. (troll) Who wants to deal with a beeyotch like that?

    And the answer is: I do. I enjoy it. Keep doing what you do Ginny!

  25. I was trying to work out why so many people were coming to me from you and now I know – you are a crazy person. Hurrah! I’m going to keep your e-mails to me so when you’re a famous crazy person I’ll be able to sell them on eBay.

    I’m really sleep deprived.

    I’m glad you won the pool, because I always like people who I like to win my contests. Sometimes I cheat to insure that they do. I’m excited about putting together an extra special Crazy Person grab bag of Australiana.

    • In all honesty, for Dr. O’C’s sake, I was hoping I was wrong, and that she would have gone into labor way earlier. Apologize to her for me, won’t you?

  26. I was gonna say the same thing, I’ve had a few people hitting me from here, so thanks for being nuts.

    I’m now convinced AFM rigged that pool.

  27. Congrats on the blog explosion!

    Humour like yours SHOULD be shared, and enjoyed.

    My suggestion for the nasty emails? Within the first few words, once you sense they won’t be saying anything nice … delete. Don’t read another word.

    Don’t give them the satisfaction. If you don’t know what they’ve said … they’ve said nothing at all 😉

    So listen, my dryer’s been making this squeeking sound lately, are you on twitter? ;-p

    • Forget dryers, my VAN had been making funny sounds. Hello, Dodge? Are you listening?

      (Thanks for the congrats, Kim. You’ve been reading for a long time, and I really appreciate it.)

  28. So I too came here from that crazy people place :-P. What can I say I don’t have a life. I thought your post was hilarious and shared it on my blog (linked to you) and on facebook lol. My friend and I were getting supplies a few days ago at a certain big chain store (cough:cough) Walmart… and ended up going through stock boxes in the middle of the aisle to find what we needed. Hey in our defense an employee said we could and we only opened the boxes we needed (they said what was in it on the outside).

  29. Satire seems to be lost on the unwashed masses in the aether of the interweb Ginny, seems once you put it down on paper or screen and hit the send button it becomes the gospel, had the same thing happen with a hipster moped gang post, they found it and were all up in arms and i pointed out to the lovely hipsters that if they read more than one post they’d find that there is much irony and sarcasm embedded in the writing, then i thought- fuck em who cares, let em get their panties in bunch and bait them even more. keep up the good work.

  30. See? That explosion was necessary because my head has been exploding over your blog forEVER and I just didn’t want to feel alone.
    Awesome!
    Oh, and I won’t tell anyone I know you were serious about sending the birthing video on show-n-tell day.

  31. the crazy person site, congratulations! well done.

    i recently joined a yahoo group and after my introductory post i got some private emails from people who were concerned that i was self medicating. groovy.

  32. Oh Ginny. May I call you Ginny? I hope so. You HAVE just sucked the past 6 hours from my life. I was compelled to go back and read every single post I could get my hands on. I was going to go to bed early tonight. As you can tell, that didn’t happen. Curse you and your highly intelligent and droll commentary!

  33. I wasted all of last Friday here, well not all of it, cause I’m a fast reader, but a good bit of it, like an hour. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the day. It’s kind of a blur.

  34. I also found my way here from emailsfromcrazypeople. I enjoyed the letter so much that I have gone through and read every single entry on your blog (it was totally worth the time it consumed). You’re hilarious, please write more often!

  35. No joke about the ‘sploding. When you originally wrote that “letter”, I laughed hysterically (having previously assisted in buying school supplies from “The List” for my nephew) and went to the next blog in my reader. I apologize for not commenting at the time however that entry seems to be overflowing at this point. 🙂

    As for the trolls, here is a (crappy) poem for you:

    Nevermind the trolls
    They’re all assholes

    That’s it. Not even haiku but what the hey, it’s an original! 😛

  36. Dude, I think mine exploded by way of your explosion. I got like 200 hits more than usual on one particular day and a good chunk were from my comment on that post. Did people actually think for a second you were serious? Yowzers…

    And can I book an imagination appointment to kiss your lucky ring? I could use a nice lottery myself! 😉

    Also, that is the raddest looking drink ever.

  37. I’m here due to your post being on emails from crazy people, and I love your blog – just now finished reading through all the historical posts. 🙂

    I really wish the post had been real, and given to a way-too-anal teacher though, was hoping to see some sort of mother-vs-teacher battle royale slowly (and humorously) progress towards nuclear apocalyptia (yeah, it’s not a word, but it should be…) over the school year… 😉

    Thanks for the awesome blog – you’ve got another subscriber-for-life.

  38. Hey Ginny! I cam from THAT website, a friend of a friend of a friend posted something from that site, followed it and came across you’re entry.
    I really thought you were serious. I sent it around to my coworkers:
    Who thought you were serious.
    We all praised your name as many of them went through the same thing this school season.
    Sorry we took you as serious.
    But even though I dodn’t have kids i still love your blog and have been a constant reader for a week now.
    Thanks so much for the laughs you’ve given me!
    Alexis, a New fan!

    • Thanks, Alexis!
      From now on, if I’m being serious, I’ll hold up my right hand while I’m talking, so you’ll know.

      Oh wait, that might not work…

  39. Oooh, boy, did I miss some mega hullabaloo, eh? Well, rock on with your bad self, most of us get it.

    And how funny is that drink?! Love it!

    • You got here early Sue, and got yourself a seat down front. So you knew what you were getting into. I guess some of those new people were way in the back, and everyone knows that sarcasm never translates at the back of the room 😉

  40. It’s so nice to see all this love over here. You’ve got hella fans now, gin.

  41. But what if you LIKE ridiculous boobs?

  42. Count me among those who found your blog from EFCP. Love your blog (and read several others from your blog roll too) can’t have too many intelligent women on the web who know how to sling the sarcasm. Well done 😉

  43. Hmmm…I found you through a google search for “albino vagina.” Just kidding. I, too, wandered here from emails from crazy people.

    I read a few posts, and you’re so funny and just all-around awesome, so I started at the beginning…it’s taken me a while, but now I’m only two months behind.

    I’m almost sad to be getting caught up…it means soon I will have to wait for posts, instead of reading as many as I want each day. On the other hand, I can start leaving comments on *current* posts, instead of skulking around, posting on months- or years-old stuff.

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