When Will Barbie Finally Grow Up, & Start Going by “Barbara”?

The girl got another Barbie.


(Sigh.  I know.  I wasn’t thrilled with the first one that came into the house.  Or the second.  But god damn, she loves those pieces of pink-clad, Made in China plastic.  And there are so many ways I’m probably screwing her up, what’s one more, in the grand scheme of things?)


She brought Beach Barbie home, introduced it to the others.


Can you spot the difference?


Look closer.



Old Barbie feet:

Mangled arches, good only for squeezing into what were (proportionately) 5 inch stilettos.


New Beach Barbie Feet:



Free-wheeling, flat-soled, with actual, honest-to-goodness TOES!


I realize this is a small change.


And that not every Barbie has these new feet.


But it gave me just a glimmer of hope. 


Will my granddaughters be playing with Barbies with slightly less perky racks?  Soft, perceptibly widened mid-sections?  Saddle bags?  Crows feet? 


Probably not.


But those huge feet gave me hope for the future, however fleeting.


19 responses to “When Will Barbie Finally Grow Up, & Start Going by “Barbara”?

  1. get some…barbie bitch!

    you got yourself knocked up…

    **and yes, we remember that. you were hoping we’d missed that one, or had somehow forgotten, but, guess what B…we didn’t forget. i remember seeing you with the big round belly. knocked up. what kind of example are you for skipper?**

    anyway, look at ya. look at your body after baby…the years are catching up with even you, my friend.

    the corners of your eyes are drooping a little, your neck looks a little thicker, face a little fuller…and those feet. swelled up like damn sausages, didn’t they.

    ya might think twice about it next time ken wants start bumpin’ plastic uglies…won’t ya?

    • Oh Nikki. You know damn well that Ken wants to go for lattes, get mani-pedis, and shop with Barbie. But he most certainly does NOT want to bump anything with her.

  2. Actually, I’m a firm believer it’s just a fabulous marketing scheme to get everyone who has a toed Barbie to buy more crap. Afterall, slender-footed Barbie’s shoes aren’t going to fit toed Barbie’s feet, are they?

    I can just see it now. Little plastic Barbie shoes sold in plastic clamshell packaging and labeled “wide”. Only 99 cents a pop. The girl will get a new pair of Barbie shoes and the boy will beg a Matchbox car off you in the store.

    Seriously… it’s brilliant!

  3. I love her new feet!

  4. Is it just me or are their heads unusually large now?

  5. As a typical demanding Baby Boomer I am impatient for the 64-year-old Barbie with bunions and two hammer toes.

    Patty Cure

  6. mongoliangirl

    Two things:
    1) I would like to see a Barbie with a mole. It should have a hair that grows out of the middle of it that she swears she plucked out “just yesterday”. Not that I would know anything about that.
    2) How about those feet! I wonder if there is a horse-lover Barbie that wears Muck boots, smells funny, and has unusually nappy hair at the end of the day? Not that I would know anything about that either.

  7. It’s a start, at least. Now if they’ll just downsize her boobs a bit.

  8. Earth mother barbie would be excellent

    Hairy armpits, BO, and a wild bush peeking north of her hemp skirt.

  9. OK, her head is fricken huge, isn’t it? Her neck would never support that melon of a head in real life.

    I was a tomboy as a kid, and some misguided rellie bought me kissing Barbie. You could put a special lipstick on her mouth and press a panel in her back and she would jut her head out a little in a kissing motion. The lipstick would leave a mark on collars other than Ken’s too.

    The missing mechanism was instantly destroyed when Barbie became a scuba diver in our pool.

  10. At least she’s starting to look real. Don’t worry. Barbie probably won’t mess up your daughter. I don’t know one girl who wanted to look like Barbie; we wanted her to look like us. Apparently we still do.

  11. Most of my daughter’s barbies had flattened feet and elongated, webbed hands. She used them as chew toys.

  12. Dude. Old Barbie doesn’t have feet, she has hooves.

  13. I’m glad I have a boy. And that I’m a retrograde 50’s father who will only let him play with trucks and shit.

  14. My daughter has a few of those new Barbies with the cool feet. It is a step in the right direction. I loved Barbies growing up – and I think it’s really neat to watch Liv play with the same toy I did as a little girl.

  15. Progress! I actually love that they’re sneaking it in. The daycare I used to work at had a ‘realistic proportions’ barbie thrown into the lot, and none of the kids wanted to play with it. Occasionally one of them would squeal ‘Ew, what’s wrong with her?’ Broke my little heart, but perhaps sudden progress is too much for their wee brains. Maybe if she’d been packaged with a new hat…

  16. Yay for Barbie! I still dread the day we get one in the house, though.

  17. She definitely needs a gap between her toes, so she can wear thongs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s