It’s Not You, It’s Me

I started to brush my teeth, this morning.


I was replaying a nasty phone call in my  mind, not really paying attention.  Applied toothpaste to the brush, brought it to my mouth.  For some unknown reason, I stopped and looked at it.


I’d pasted my husband’s brush instead of mine.


My husband and I have been married for 11 years, co-habitating for 15.


We’ve been through a lot together.


He’s taken care of me after surgery.  I’ve washed his shorts.  He watched me give birth.  We’ve had sex on non-showering camping trips.


And it’s not like I’m some raving germophobe.


Every time the scientists revise the “5-second Rule”?  Adding more and more seconds to the time I have to eat food that’s fallen on the floor?  I nearly weep with gratitude.




“Oh come ON!” I exhorted myself.  “There’s already paste on it.  It’s not like you found it in a dumpster, it’s your husband’s toothbrush!”


I stared at it for a few more seconds.


Then I rinsed the paste away, and put the brush back.




Sometimes, you don’t know where your boundaries are until you get there.


29 responses to “It’s Not You, It’s Me

  1. I would do almost anything for my wife and she does several things for me. I have used her toothbrush when I forgot mine but there was heavy rinsing involved. Only as a courtesy to her, as I was not really offput. She has been known to say, “kiss me baby, nothing makes me sick!” Or, alternately, “I don’t hate it.”

    Andy Tolerates

  2. hmmm…i’ve used his toothbrush. but, i’m not gonna lie…it was hard. even though i have….well, you know…er…I…

    using his toothbrush is different!!


  3. Yeah, there are a lot of things of my husbands I will put in my mouth. His toothbrush is not one of them.

  4. We have one cup for my toothbrush, and one for the three other ones. I can’t even share the cup.

  5. There is something about sharing toothbrushes that feels so…dirty. I feel the same way. One of the most horrifying things happened when I was growing up. My brother and I were in different schools (he in junior high and me in high school) so we got up and got ready at different times. One morning we were both getting ready at the sink together and we both went to grab our toothbrush…and we both went for the same one. I was like, “Dude, what are you doing? The green one’s mine.” He thought it was his. I realized that we had been sharing a toothbrush for like a month. I’ve never gotten over this.

  6. My best friend has no tooth brush boundaries. She will use mine but hell if I would ever use anyone else’s. Same difference I know. But I can pretend I don’t know she ever used mine.

  7. That comment is my new blog addy btw.

  8. LOL Evan went through I-love-toothbrushes-and-I-must-have-your’s-so-I-can-hide-it phase. Some pregnant sleep deprived mornings, I only cared to go as far as the nearest toothbrush.

  9. This post is hilarious. I’m all about eating food off the ground and dealing with my husbands mysterious bodily whatevers. But yeah, the toothbrush is taking things too far. It would be a lie to say that I have not taken things too far on occassion; more like he’s taken things too far like whenever we go on a trip anywhere and he forgets to bring his toothbrush. Oh well, my chunk of food between my teeth is his chunk of food. One must share to make a marriage work.

  10. You did the right thing.

    Pissing myself at Mwa.

  11. I’m about as far as you can get from a germophobe, but i would do the exact same thing

  12. ROFL! I only use Rose’s toothbrush when I’ve left mine in the suitcase after returning from a trip late at night. Still, it doesn’t bother me a whit. I figure we play tonsil hockey, there’s nothing in her mouth that isn’t in mine. I’ve never told her I do it, though. I wonder if she’d be bothered? It never occurred to me!

  13. I’m the same way about toothbrushes — and food on the floor and bodily whatevers, for that matter. What I wonder is why so many of you ladies have a firm toothbrush boundary, but will not think twice about using your husband’s razor.

  14. Once I spent the night at a friend’s apartment, and when I wanted to brush my teeth the next day, he was all, “Just use mine.”

    I was horrified. He wasn’t that kind of friend. Never has been, never will be.

    Then he made fun of me for being a wuss, and finally, I was all, “Fine, I’ll use your toothbrush!”

    And I did. And he freaked out. He didn’t think I’d do it.

  15. I’ll use his toothbrush. But drink from the same glass? Only if I’m barely awake and parched. Then I demand he give me some of the water out of the glass on his bedside table. Fuck. I don’t have any boundaries do I?

  16. I’ve never understood the whole toothbrush thing. I mean if you’re kissing someone you’re exchanging the same whatever anyway, right. But my partner would kill me if I used her toothbrush.

  17. Princess also mistakes my tb for her own. More often than she should.

    Hers is red, mine is purple.

    So i’ll be in bed, all snuggled up for the night, and she calls me to come into the en suite, to re-brush my teeth, so as the toothpaste won’t be wasted.


  18. bwahahaha! I know. Old food can not be shared and I have been known to brush my teeth with my finger before sharing a brush.

  19. Shoot, I’ll use husband’s toothbrush without batting at eye. Doesn’t bother me in the least. But I can’t stand driving his car.

  20. Oh dude, that’s one I don’t have! I totally shared a toothbrush with Josh on our vacation. It was a bonding moment. By which I mean a shrug and “Meh, it’s not like we not up in each others grills anyways.”

  21. I WILL NOT use Todd’s toothbrush. I make sure mine is pink and his is blue to remind him that he shouldn’t use mine.

    He’s all like “But we make out all the time, what’s the problem?”

    Um… when we make out and don’t scrape gunk off your teeth, love. Now, just use the blue one.

  22. I would not use Bill’s toothbrush and I would hope that that boundary is one he won’t cross either. I already know that my deodorant is fair game when he runs out. That skeeved me out at first, but now… eh. His daughters have even borrowed it an emergency.

    But I draw the line at toothbrush.


  23. If I somehow didn’t have a toothbrush, I’d use his. Otherwise? I’d have washed it off, too. It’s not so much that I’d be grossed out by it. It’s just that I hadn’t asked first, you know?

  24. I figure since I kiss his dirty mouth it wouldn’t be too bad lol

  25. Not so weird… I’ve been with the man for 23 years and when I figured out that I accidently used his toothbrush a couple of months ago, I almost gagged.

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