Who doesn’t love free stuff?  For some people, it’s a duffel bag with the company logo emblazoned on it.  Maybe not the coolest item, but damn handy when you’re packing for a road trip that you don’t think your Vuitton can stand up to.

Some people are lucky enough to get actual good shit from their place of work – thank yous in the form of jewelery, gift cards, hell, even electric toothbrushes.

And the really lucky people get swag by association – like tagging along on a spouse’s work trip, for a free vacation.



But I’m a plumber’s wife.  And while it may sound glamorous, the reality?  Not so much.


Owen came home the other day.


“Hey, I got a free shirt from the wholesalers.  But the neck is too tight.  You want it?”



Silly boy.  I think you know that I do!


Go ahead, feast your eyes on the name of the company you’ve never heard of, the inscrutable piece of heating? cooling?  plumbing?  equipment depicted, or the inherent, all-encompassing orangeness of it.


(Try not to vomit, from the sheer jealousy.)




But if you’ve read this site for any amount of time, you know I’m a swell chick.  An all-around nice gal.  A giver.


So, if you can think of any use for this shirt in your own life, or you just truly desire it ever so much, let me know.


I will mail it to you.


(Provided you send a picture of it’s end use.)  (No dirties.)

20 responses to “Swag

  1. Too bad, the Hooker and I could have painted you a lovely sunset on that orange shirt.

  2. Aw, you precious little sickos! Love you two!

  3. Hey, this looks like a nifty tooth fairy gift. So much more thoughtful than mere cash.

  4. Send it to nursemyra. She does the t-shirt Friday thing, ya know. And she’d make that shit look good!

    I’m just sayin’ . . .


  5. This? I would ask you to mail it, but Hellbilly is a former plumber and we’ve got so many plumbing things that I’m sometimes slightly afraid. Plus, I think this fine piece of fashion deserves better than my sweaty armpits and horse poop.

  6. Had this been a yellow t-shirt, I might have been interested. Yellow garments repel mosquitoes and other biting insects. The orange color might have been good as an undergarment for that time back in the 1970s when I almost got sucked into a cult, but I guess I have to pass on this one. Nice offer though, and amusing post. 🙂

  7. i’m one of those people who unabashedly go “trick or treating” at events where people hand out swag… whether it’s a work conference, or a chamber of commerce event, i just tell them ‘hey! can i have one?’ and thank them while wandering off… i don’t want a sales pitch, just the nifty bottle opener or wheelie pizza cutter…

    shirts? rare indeed… you should treasure it. perhaps put it in a framed shadow box and feature it prominently in your living room?

  8. On the upside, you’ll never got shot whilst hunting.

  9. Gotta love free! Even if it is orange and inscrutable.

  10. I used to work for a gigantic insurance company, one that used a Peanuts character as its mascot. They held blood drives in the office several times per year and gave away the BEST prizes to the blood donors. I got one of those snazzy collapsable lawn chairs, a juicer, a stadium blanket, all kindsa stuff.

    Then one time I got a duffel with the company’s logo on it. The logo was on a thick rubber patch sewn to the outside of the bag. Underneath the thick rubber patch was a Mountain Dew logo that was embroidered into the bag.

    Swag is good. But pre-loved swag? The best!

  11. Free stuff. I love it. I worked at a doctor’s office one summer. The drug reps provided lunch every day that summer except for three days. It was awesome. Wait. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with our healthcare. Dang.

  12. Well, just the other day I was thinking about going hunting for marsupials. But I was flummoxed because I was completely lacking in the appropriate safety gear.

    And firepower.

    So, if you could send me a kangaroo rifle as well…

  13. So, what I’m getting out of this is that no one wants the fucking thing? Fine.

  14. I’ll take it, Ginny! I can wear it on the next episode of Skankleodeon.

  15. Hey–I’m a University of Tennessee fan–I love anything orange. I have waaaaaaaaaaay more orange stuff than normal people, ie. those who aren’t Univeristy of Tennessee fans, have.

  16. I JUST found a pattern for turning a well-loved T-shirt into a bag…sew up the bottom, cut the neckband and sleeves …it’s from Martha Stewart, so you know it will be a Good Thing.
    So, if you’ll send me the T-shirt, I’ll make you a one-of-a-kind bag. And you can embarrass your family by carrying it around.

  17. Sorry Nana; about 2 hours before I got your comment, the shirt started its journey to Keywork. But the next ugly t-shirt I get, I’m looking you up!

  18. I cut them into strips and make rugs out of them. They’re not bad, really!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s