Tonight She Comes

The six year old is losing his teeth.


The first one popped out after he ate some fruit leather.  No preamble, no wiggling, he just came into the kitchen, bleeding, holding his wee tooth, and said, “Hey guys, check this out.”


He provided this sketch, for posterity:




He’d already heard of the tooth fairy, I’m assuming from his friends at school (in much the same way I’m assuming he’ll learn about sex).  So he had no questions, and expected a nice, smooth transaction.


And that is what he got.


The second tooth came out on Wednesday. 


He was brushing his teeth, the sink filled with blood, and there was another tooth.


He was mentally spending his impending windfall, when a crestfallen look came over his face.


“Aw, man!  My Show & Share day’s not till Friday!  I wish I could have taken this in!”


“Well,  maybe you could wait, and not put it under your pillow till Friday night”, I offered.


“Or…”  And he ran off.


Minutes later, he came back with this:


tooth fairy


My kid put the tooth fairy on a layaway plan.






(On a side note, I’m having a dilemma.  I saved the first tooth.  It’s sitting in an old baby food jar.  Seemed like the thing to do.  But now that I have two teeth, it just seems kind of weird and creepy.  What am I saving these for?  Is this really a keepsake he’s going to want to have in 40 years?  Do I make jewelery out of them?  Is there some kind of a black market, where I could be selling them?  I need help, here, people.)


26 responses to “Tonight She Comes

  1. Your kid writes the best notes of all of blogdom.

    You need to tag these together.

    I’m a 31 year who’s just had a brace removed for dealing with a lost baby tooth. I say keep them, you never know….

  2. This is so clearly your son. That is hilarious.

  3. [Teeth contain dna, hang on to it, he may want to grow a new limb sometime in the future when they can do that stuff.]

  4. when i moved last august, i found dozens of envelopes in my bathroom cabinet. each with a tooth or two. some notes – cute, but not extortion/layaway. i have no freakin’ idea what to do with them. thought about jewelry. decided it was too creepy. instead? i’m thinking of making a mosaic… like a coffee table top or something. maybe with some chicken bones….

  5. Yeah, creepy. But that’s what we do . . .

    You’re fucked when the day comes to negotiate an allowance . . .

  6. My wife saved the kids’ baby teeth and eventually incorporated them into an art work, sort of a family “core sample” mixed media work. So now them creep me out from a nicely framed piece on the wall.

    Toulouse Tachew

  7. Oh my gawd, when I saw his ingenious note, my jaw literally dropped.
    What a clever young man, and one I won’t want to barter with in the future.

  8. I don’t think it’s creepy to keep them. I’d put them somewhere safe and give them to him when he’s grown. He can decide to throw them out or not. That letter is precious. So what is a tooth worth these days? I’d like to know how much I’m in for when Liv starts losing hers.

  9. OMG! Now that is priceless. I think you may have your hands full with that one as he grows older.

  10. I still have the first tooth I ever lost. I refused to give it to the tooth fairy. My mom was all, “But the tooth fairy will leave you a present” and I was all “fuck you bitch, I love my tooth.”

    This conversation was paraphrased, of course.

  11. Rassles, you crack me up.

  12. my underwear drawer currently holds 7 envelopes each with a tooth and a note to the fairy.I don’t know why I feel I need to save them

  13. This is so seriously funny I hit the floor.
    What. A. Hilarious. Kid.

    Gets that from his mom.

  14. mongoliangirl

    Brilliant! I’m going to start charing 1/2 for my body parts immediately!
    Also? My mom has some of my baby teeth and little curls from my first hair cut. I love those little things, and it always makes me feel good to know they meant something to her then.

  15. Earrings, baby!

  16. Pay me 1/2 now.

    Awesome. Your kid has it sorted out.

  17. I have abosolutely no clue what I have done w/ my kids baby teeth. This just occurred to me. If I kept them, I have no friggin idea where.

    Your kid is laugh out loud funny. Way to negotiate. And, yeah, you are definitely fucked when you start negotiating allowances.

  18. Hilarious. So was the tooth fairy willing to bargain? Save the first. It’s kind of neat when they’re older to see them. Throw away the rest.

  19. Xbox: Yeah, probably should tag them together. Sounds like work, though.

    nursemyra: You should see his grocery lists!

    max: I totally thought of them as possible clone batter. But then I thought that was weird.

    daisyfae: Owen dug up the backyard this weekend, and found what he thinks may be pig bones. So now we’ve got those, and the teeth. Coffee table-top, here we come!

    tysdaddy: I live in fear, my friend.

    Mark Trail: Also creepy? There’s this woman who makes castles out of your kids’ teeth, then sells them to you.

    tales: TALEA! Good to hear from you! Yeah, I always say he’ll either be a lawyer, or need one.

    Gwen: Hmmm, put the onus on him…I like it.

    Sue: I have my hands full now!

    rassles: Funny how time changes a memory…

    Liza: I know, and yet, there’s this weird compulsion.

    Kitty: Thanks. I’m scared to see what else I’ve passed on.

    mongoliangirl: Charge full price for the kidneys. Apparently, those bastards hurt on the way out.

    carla: For him, or me? I guess we could all have a pair, by the time he’s got his adult teeth.

    Free Man: Well, Kmart brought back layaway, too. These are troubled times we live in.

    vinomom: Oh, they’ll turn up. Like my kid’s umbilical cord did.

    faemom: I know that I really only need to save one. But I just can’t bring myself to part with subsequent teeth. Maybe I need to move, because when I do that, everything goes.

  20. Oh my god, your side note is just cracking me the hell up. That is quite a dilemma, because it is, indeed, rather creepy to have jars full of your kids teeth. On the other hand, I can see how they are difficult to part with.

  21. I say swing him right into therapy right away. Have the tooth fairy leave HIM a note saying “How do i know you’ll give it up? I’m not paying you jack until I get me some teeth.” or maybe “I’ll show you the money when you show me the tooth.” Meanwhile this post just made me send yoiur blog to yet ANOTHER friend…

    Meanwhile – you leave the teeth in your jewelry box I think, or a small box in your undies drawer. Then at some future point when he is snooping through your things he’ll find them, be suitably grossed out, take them, show them to his friends, and lose them one by one – on playgrounds, at friends houses – much like a dental Hansel & Gretal. That’s how come we don’t have good fossil records of dinosaurs. Damn kids kept moving the bones…

  22. Deb: I was going to say “I don’t want him to be the weird kid…”, but I think that horse is already out of the barn.

    Blue: Better jars, than, say, throw pillows? Maracas?

  23. HAHA! I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I just found it through your post to Email From Crazy People.

    Keep it up, you’ve kept me amused all afternoon!

  24. Pingback: l. « mixed with gold

  25. I love that note! Now I want to see his grocery lists, too!

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