Inappropriateness Abounds

Part One:

 

A phone call between my sister S, and myself:

S:  I had the weirdest dream last night.

Me:  Oooh!  You know I love a good dream!  Carry on.

S:  I dreamed I got kidnapped by Ryan Reynolds.

 

Me:  Awwww YEAAAAH!!  Good for you.

S:  It wasn’t just me, though.  Him and a couple of other people kidnapped, like, seven other people and me.  And then they put us to work in a fake bait & tackle store.

Me:  S, this is YOUR dream, and that’s what you chose to have him do?

S:  I know, I know, but it gets better.  So, Ryan realizes the cops are going to raid this bait & tackle store, and I suddenly get all Stockholm Syndrome-y, and I say, “I know! Let’s have an orgy!”

Me:  And an orgy was going to help cover a kidnapping, how?  But I like where this is going.  So then what?

S:  I woke up.

Me:  You suck.

S:  I know.

 

 

 

Part Two:

 

I am lazing about in bed.  The husband has arisen with the children, and has acquiesced to their demands for pancakes.  I wander down, eventually, and try to open my eyes.

 

From the kitchen:  “Hey Gin, you want pancakes?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Oh.  Well, you need to have at least two.”

“OK, whatever.”

 

I can hear number one son ask his father, “Dad, what ARE those pancakes supposed to be?”

There is a slight pause.

“Um….double scoop ice cream cones.”

 

And I know, immediately, without a visual, what is coming my way:

 

 

 

(Note:  I have no rights to the Ryan Reynolds photo.  I borrowed it from another blog.  That also did not have the rights to it.  But the pancocks?  That picture is all mine.)

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26 responses to “Inappropriateness Abounds

  1. God I LOVE Ryan Reynolds. So hot.

    So you and your kids ate penis for breakfast eh? Not saying I’VE never done it but the kids are a little young.

  2. Oh no, no, no vinomom – the kids got nice, normal, silver-dollar pancakes. Those were a Mommy Exclusive.

  3. Your husband is one funny dude . . .

  4. So you spent your morning getting double teamed by your breakfast? Nice.

  5. Those are the funniest pancakes! If only there was a way to combine them with Ryan Reynolds…

  6. mongoliangirl

    Oh Jesus Harold Christ on a rubber crutch that was fucking HI-larious. HI-larious, I tell you. I’m not even right since the sight of it.

  7. So, once you’d nibbled the darker one…

    …did you go back?

  8. Tysdaddy: Much like the children, I think he knows, intrinsically, that his survival is contingent on a sense of humor.

    Formerlyfun: Yup. And I was sticky when it was over. Bow chicka wow wow.

    Mwa: Glad you like them. If you’re ever in the neighborhood on a Sunday morning, I can hook you up with your very own.

    Mongoliangirl: You just can’t UNsee them, can you?

    Xbox: He was pretty proud that he’d created the UN of Penile Pancakes. Then, he hummed “Ebony & Ivory”.

  9. The dream is hilarious. Totally sucks that your sis woke up.
    Did you slug your husband? I would have. Or said something about comparing the size because he would have deserved that.

  10. Fricken hell, I am dying laughing!

    Though I wonder why your sister would dream about a fake bait and tackle store. What the hell?

  11. I bet your sister wants to punch her subconscious in the face right now. I know I would!

    And BWAH! at the pancakes.

  12. Your hubby is a cheeky bugger – love it!

  13. Your husband makes breakfast? Lucky girl. I love your husband! Platonically, of course 🙂 Penis pancakes are just about the most awesome thing I’ve heard in a long time. Thanks for taking the time to take a picture before devouring them.

  14. brilliant! i used to make the kids ‘butt cakes’… thankfully, it never occurred to me to go all penile on them…

  15. At first I just saw it as a lovely, innocent picture of two penis pancakes. But then I started thinking- why is the lighter colored one always granted the superior position? It is so typical- the “white” (Bisquick) penis pancake is obviously keeping the “urban” (Aunt Jemimah) penis pancake down. This despite their surprising appearance of equality, otherwise. I pledge to remain vigilant on this topic, no matter where on the internet it leads me.

    Al Syrupton

  16. I’ve been walking around saying ‘penis pancakes’ to myself over and over since reading this post. My coworkers think I’m even stranger than they usually do.

  17. I’m salivating now. For pancocks.

  18. faemom: Of course, I made a crack about objects on the plate appearing larger than they actually are. I HAD to.

    Beej: I tried to see some signifigance in it. But there is none. Maybe she should stop buying cheap weed? (Just kidding, S.) (I know you buy good weed.)

    velocibedgergirl: I think she’s going to try a lot harder to get into the whole lucid dreaming thing.

    GYL: Aye, that he is.

    Gwen Jackson: I am lucky; when he is around, he cooks. Mostly, because he’s beter at it.

    daisyfae: Butt cakes? Nice. Mine would love that. Especially if we incorporated chocolate.

    Mark Trail: No matter what, the great equalizer is the fact that the dark one will always be bigger. And isn’t that the most important thing? Isn’t it?

    A Free Man: And thus, a trend is born.

    Gypsy: If I thought for a second that they’d hold up, I would totally Fed-Ex you a batch.

  19. pancocks. ***still snickering***

  20. PAHAHAHAHAHAHA PANCOCKS

  21. Now those are some pancakes I could eat.

  22. Okay, I just read the comments and am now pissing myself over Ebony and Ivory and I’m humming it to myself actually thinking of multicultural edible penises.

  23. Haaaa! I don’t even like pancakes and I’d eat those. Or make them for Josh and watch him get all uncomfortable. Rad times.

  24. I love Ryan Reynolds… n lol pancocks

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