Irksome

Did everyone else have a halcyon period, where they could drink and drink (and maybe smoke some things) and drink some more, and not go to sleep, and carry on?

Pretty sure it’s over, since today’s Tuesday, and I STILL feel like a freaking Sunday morning.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s why I’m……easily bothered.

 

For your persual, a list of today’s offenders:

 

1.  Articles in magazines titled, “How To Find $1000 in Your Budget!”. 

And it turns out that I’m already doing all ten things on the list of ways to save money.  As is everyone else who’s not a Rockefeller.  But I don’t feel one damn bit richer.

 

2.  Dresses with pockets.

(Image from here.)

Because when I get all dressed up, I like to have the option of looking slouchy.

 

3.  Kids’ jokes that aren’t even fucking funny.

From the latest issue of “Chirp” magazine:

Does the children’s publishing industry need to be schooled in what makes a successful knock knock joke?  Because that ain’t it.

 

4.  Reusable shopping bags.

Don’t misunderstand me:  they’re a lovely idea, they keep those horrible plastic bags out of landfills.  I own some.  

But do I ever, EVER remember to put the damn things in the car on my way to the store?  No, I do not.

And then I get to feel even guiltier than I used to about walking through the parking lot with a cart full of plastic bagged groceries, fluttering in the breeze.

 

 

I reserve the right to add to this list at any time.

 

I think it’s going to be one of those weeks.

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31 responses to “Irksome

  1. The Guy Who Will Now Save Your Week

    I’ve been saving this good news for you, waiting for a week when you could really use it. The Internet (capitalized), has finally fulfilled its ultimate purpose and brought us this blog
    http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/
    If you thought this had happened already with the video “Obama’s Elf”, then you were wrong. We were all taken by that one.

    Now while I’m here, what about this Troy character that you introduced us to back in April’s “Yes…Look”. Fascinating! Please give us more. Has he been charming/insightful/heroic lately? A person would never know from reading your blog. Please correct this before your readers move on to blogs with a little more ‘Troy’.

  2. Well, this guy who’s saving your week whipped out the Fuck You, Penguin, huh? Big fucking guns, I’m not going to lie. That’s a hefty website that’s good for a laugh.

    Oh, speaking of which? Feel better.

  3. 😉 I got you on all of those. I have some of the same Irks.

    1. I find myself reading those articles going DUH!, we aren’t retarded, give us something we don’t know. So yes I too follow those things and don’t seem to be able to locate that extra $1000.

    2. I agree kinda, i guess it depends on the dress. in most cases though yes, Why dress up to look more relaxed lol.
    Hi I am here in my evening gown and heels but I chose to wear a fanny pack because it make sense not to bring a purse. LOL Or whats next the gown with a hood or beer coozie? OMG could you imagine haha

    3. WTF? But i guess this goes back to my view of these days ANYONE can do ANYTHING, I guess you don’t need any talent lol

    4. I would forget them everytime! I hope they dont make them a rule here. I would be screwed.
    Ewww Plus I dont know how many times those idiots pack my bags without caring then I get home and everything is smashed, broken, leaking or melted. So now I have to worry about washing these bags before I go shopping again, if not they will get gross right? No thanks 😛

    Oh my list grows daily, hope your week goes well. 🙂

  4. I know I sure am wiped the fuck out from my over indulgence this weekend. What’s up with this getting older shit?

    And I have no idea what that first commenter was talking about. Maybe it will make more sense if I click the link.

    I hate reusable shopping bags. I mean I like the idea, but who has the time?

  5. Hah–I wrote an entire blog about being the only person in my town who doesn’t own reusable grocery bags. Green schmeen! Most of the people who use ’em around here drive off in giant honking SUVs.

  6. Ugh, you know who pisses me off? Oprah. (Sorry, other 90% of the population, I’m sorry.) Oprah with her money saving tips. Oprah with her big ass house and money saving tips. What she calls the latte factor. “Oh, just cut out your daily latte and see how much you’ll save!” Fuck you Oprah, you think I can afford to buy a latte everyday? I buy one once a week – now that I can afford it! Two years ago I wouldn’t have been able to spring the $4.50 for whatever magazine that helpful tidbit was in. Stupid Oprah and her lattes.

    And yeah, the dresses with the pockets. Why? Really, why? I mean, I have an orange dress type ruffly thing with pockets…I guess. But it cost $12 and I don’t wear it outside….I think it has bacon grease on it. I don’t even eat bacon.

  7. I buy a new reusable shopping bag every time. You can probably hear a loud “Doh” coming from my car every time I go shopping.

    And Oprah puts her face on the cover of every issue of the magazine she named after herself. That’s insane. I understand that you’re empowered, and I understand that your name is a brand, but every issue? What the hell is wrong with you, Woman?

  8. “halcyon period”? is that what happens when you hit menopause? i’m too hungover from friday to know what the fuck that’s about…. [ow….]

  9. You have to keep those bags in the car, so when you leave them in the car, you feel more stupid and guilty than you did before. It works magic. My complaint: I have huge reusable bag from costco that I can get a weeks groceries in, and when they give me my 5 cent discount per bag I bring in, I want to say, “Look, buddy, it’s not how many you bring, it’s how many you don’t use. Give me my damn buck.” (It’s late; I’m tired; I have sore throat; I’m now a bitch.)
    And those dresses? WTF? If I wanted to schlep more stuff than what I need in my purse, I would have worn jeans. (Is that the bitch again? So sorry.)

  10. TGWWNSYW: Dude. Good save. Fuck You Penguin is, indeed, a capital “D” diversion. Deeply good stuff.

    As to this “Troy” character I introduced, then hastily abandoned: He does so many charming/heroic/insightful things, on a daily basis that if I tried to chronicle them all, I would be accused of being a “Troy-blogger”, akin to the much maligned “mommy-bloggers”. Let’s just put it this way: I’m pretty sure the Dos Equis guy

    ]

    is based on him.

    If there were a blog with a little more Troy, people would never read my crap again, I’ll tell you that much.

    Rassles: Thanks. I’m just feeling old. FEELING, not being.

    Loni: Gown with a beer coozie? OK, now I kind of want that. Weddings, graduations, bar mitzvahs would all go much faster with that little innovation.

    Vinomom: And if I can’t have plastic shopping bags, will I finally have to break down and buy real garbage bags? Is this all a conspiracy by the Glad Man?

    hereinfranklin: Big SUVs? All the better to look down on you, my dear.

    Em: Yeah, screw Oprah. And Gail, just for good measure. (BTW, I think I MIGHT know how you got bacon grease on the orange shirt/dress. ::cough cough twice before breakfast::)

    People in the Sun: If I’ve got more than 2 bags’ worth, I just figure I’ll atone some other way, don’t bother buying more. Because I have a crap load already.

    daisyfae: From Friday? Harsh, lady. Advil up.

    faemom: You’re not a bitch: Mercury’s in retrograde. The whole world sucks, right now. We just have to wait it out.

  11. hey ginny, get yourself something like this

    http://www.thisnext.com/item/CBC98920/MyBag-Fold-Up-Grocery-Bag

    they fit in your handbag so you’ve always got one with you. Can’t tell you how fucking smug I feel in the grocery line when I pull it out (the bag, that is) and fill it up.

    you can hear the envious “oohs and ahs” from three aisles away

    😉

  12. I want the beer coozie gown!

    If you thought the butterfly joke was bad, don’t even try to save the jokes from Laffy Taffy.

  13. oh god, emerald, the latte factor! i’m the same way – and i usually only drink one when my boss is buying… otherwise it’s the $0.90 coffee from the student union.

    i have the reusable bags as well – and i’ve given up on using them (mostly because i now shop at costco, and they give me boxes that i eventually recycle). but i do use those bags for all sorts of things – carrying my lunch to work, schlepping some recycling to the recycling center, and filling them with plastic bags.

    i use the “i have a dog” excuse when i get plastic bags at the grocer’s – because really, what else am i supposed to put the poop in? plus, some grocery stores have switched over to biodegradable bags, so i don’t feel *as* guilty.

  14. I lurvs the reusable grocery bags and I used to even put them right back in my trunk so I had them with me. Now? Then they started to become multipurpose like wow, this makes a great beach bag, hmmmm what should I use to bring all my crap to work, here honey, take one of these and clean out your desk at school…Now I have like seven of them filled with random crap that needs to be put away. I hate those bags.

    Oh, and you know what I’m hating today? I am thirty five and I’ve had kids and I have big boobums anyhow, so now I have to wear a bra for anything outside my front door and every sundress this season seems to be impossible to wear with a bra, even a good strapless one. I want my 20yrold boobs back, thank you I’ll be waiting for them over here.

  15. I feel you on the bags. We’ve started just keeping some in the trunks of our cars.

    But then? You have to remember to put them back in! So then we throw them down the stairs so they land on the floor in front of the garage door and we trip on them.

    You know, just doing my part.

  16. They recently banned plastic shopping bags in South Australia, which I’m pretty sure is a scam. Because now you pay for the reusable bags or you carry your shopping in your pockets. And who remembers to bring them every time. Bastards.

    • cdv1971, you really need to get a couple of the bags I mentioned in my comment above. Dr O’C can just pop them in her handbag or you can hang them off a keyring. they are seriously good.

      I got mine at Howards’s Storage, they were really cheap and 10% of the price goes to charity.

      Hey, do you think us aussies are more focused on recycling than a lot of other first world countries?

  17. mongoliangirl

    I don’t buy reusable shopping bags because I use the plastic ones liners for our little trash cans. Is that wrong?

  18. I too am irksome, though the phrase I used to describe it to my husband was big hairy bitch. And I’m not aiming it at inanimate objects, oh no, I’m saving it for the kids, the little people I love most in the world. No hating Oprah or reusable bags for me, no, I go straight to aiming my irrational rages at the little ones. Sigh.

  19. Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Schmellmop.

    Schmellmop who?

    Eww. I don’t wanna smell your poo.

    Your welcome. You may thank MTV for that one.

  20. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaack! That would be you’re welcome. Geez! I guess that’s what I get for coming over here after visiting Cake Wrecks. I must have has some incorrect grammar/spelling frosting still stuck to the corner of my mouth. Hmm.

  21. Dude, I love the Dos Equis guy….it’s slightly inappropriate…only slightly… 😉

  22. Couldn’t agree more.

    I keep telling myself to buy the reusable bags but I never do. Instead I have a squillion plastic ones under my kitchen sink.

  23. The reusable bags make me feel like a terrible person. They’re like everywhere and I think, “I’d have to buy about 50 of them”. They’re small. And I usually have about 50 bags of groceries when I go to the store. Also, have you noticed that plastic bags are so thin they fall apart so easily? It’s like grocery stores are FORCING us to consider reusable bags. Personally, I think if grocery stores want me to use them then THEY should provide them to me, free of charge.

    I think you should definitely having a running “irksome” list just like you do an “Evil” list.

  24. That knock knock joke has to be the worst ever.

  25. Oh those halcyon days … they seem like such a fuzzy memory now that I’m old.

    Hilarious post Ginny 😀

    I’m winning in the reusable bags game ’cause I have them in my car, but forget to bring them in the store. 1 time in 10 I’ll run from the checkout to get them, the other 9 times I cry inside, knowing that I’m making a big mistake and now the world is going to fucking END because of MY lazy forgetful ass. So this counts as winning.

  26. Reusable shopping bags were introduced to torment the hell out of the environmentally challenged. Like you, I used forget to put them in my car, now they live in my car and I forget to take them out and only remember them at the register.

    I hate them. People say hate is too strong a word, but really, I think it is lacking in this case .

  27. Hey, there! Glad to see you’re having a chipper day….

    You know with the bag thing, I always forgot until I started doing this routine: When I bring groceries inside the house in the reusable bags, then after emptying them I put them right under my purse. Next time I go out to the car, I bring them inside it and put them on the seat of the front passenger side. Of course, I still sometimes screw up — usually because I only bring in, say two bags, and I needed four. Ah, well….

  28. GOSH… i do too already did all the things but the ka-ching thing’s doesnt work for me!!!

    and the kid’s jokes, yes, they’re not funny!

  29. zeusiswatching

    I keep my reusable bags in the car, I always forget to bring them into the store. I mean always. I have to plead with the very nice people at the store to not bag the stuff because I will do it at the car. I freely admit to being absent minded.

    Well, I used to have to beg and explain but they know me well by now. In fact, once one of the guys out to collect the shopping carts in the lot actually stopped and helped me bag my own groceries from the cart into my reusable bags in the back of the car. That fellow is a gentleman in my book.

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