Sometimes, There Are No Winners


This August, Archie is finally making a choice.


In issue #600, he finally makes his pick.  He will propose, to either Betty or Veronica.


It has been said that the entire world can be divided into Bettys and Veronicas.  Nice folks and backstabbers.  Givers and takers.  Those to whom life happens, and those who make life happen.


Will Betty have her patience, kind-heartedness and good, old-fashioned gumption rewarded?




Or will Veronica’s malice, savvy and conceit win her the prize?



(And what of poor Jughead?  Left alone with the homo-erotic longings for a ginger Lothario who wastes all his time on girls?  Will he continue to sublimate his feelings, trying to fill the hole inside him with food, but never quite succeeding?  Closing his eyes on a world too cruel to look at?)



In the end, the question remains:  what was the big swingin’ deal?


Archie was continually broke, had a piece of crap car, couldn’t keep a job, pratfell and bungled his way through every situation, was monumentally indecisive, and, for the love of god, had red hair.


Betty?  Veronica?  (Jughead?)


You could all both do better.





(Images :

Group from here,

Betty from here,

Veronica from here

Jughead from here and

Archie from here.)

22 responses to “Sometimes, There Are No Winners

  1. None of the above, but this:

    “Left alone with the homo-erotic longings for a ginger Lothario who wastes all his time on girls?”

    Is fucking brilliant.

  2. hmmm….that’s about what i think of Harry Potter..especially the “bungled his way through every situation” bit

    oh and an interesting perspective on Jughead…

    nice post, i say! 🙂

  3. I heard that gingers are a dying breed…..

  4. jughead is going to be on Dr. Phil in a couple years… that or “Intervention”… you just outed him…. that was cold…

  5. Love the take on poor ol Juggie.

    You forgot to include Midge. Archie’s got a soft spot for her too.

    But then, he has a soft spot for anything in a skirt. Except scotsmen.

  6. “They still make these comics? I thought comics had gone all superhero or gothic . . . ”

    Out of the Loop In Indiana

  7. mongoliangirl

    Couln’t Judhead just end up with one of the guys from ‘Queer Eye For the Straight Guy’ while also becoming a famous chef? Couldn’t he? Poor Jughead.
    And you? Brilliant madame!

  8. I don’t know where you get your ideas from…that was great. I can’t believe they are still making these comics. Issue #600….wow!

    Wasn’t there some dark haired smooth talking jerky guy in there too? I’m with ya on the red hair. Can’t do it.

  9. You know, I kind of have a thing for gingers. Maybe I could blame it on Archie.

  10. I kind of like red hair on guys…or more like a reddish hue. I’m thinking about Damian Lewis ( ) He’s super hot. Archie is…not super hot. So I don’t really get why the girls are fighting over him or whatever.

  11. “Face it J.D., red heads are God’s mistakes.”

  12. Oh, I’m with Gypsy, I fucking love the gingers. Love. Them. I don’t know what it is, but red haired men? Immediate turn on, for some reason.

  13. Betty! Betty! Betty!
    i love Archie and friends but some times i think he makes stupid choice.

  14. Damian Lewis makes me all creamy. Yeah, I went there.

  15. cdv: Thank you, kind sir.

    Nothings Aplenty: Literature loves a bungler.

    nursemyra: You’re the second person I’ve heard say that. I’m looking into it.

    daisyfae: I just made him face the facts. He’ll thank me, later.

    Joe: Yeah, but Moose would beat the shit out of Archie for looking at Midge. He’s bumbling, not brain-dead.

    tysdaddy: Yeah, I was as surprised as you. Thought they went the way of…..everything else about my childhood.

    mongoliangirl: When I first sat down to write this post, I fully intended to add an asterisk at the end of the red-head part, and state that my prejudices against red heads did not extend to Hellbilly. But then I forgot. Sorry.

    vinomom: I’m OK until the pants come off.

    Gypsy: Seriously?

    Gwen: Yup. Tic tac toe board in the side of your head = not sexy.

    Nikki: BWA HA HA!

    Rassles: Well, if you and Gypsy would just procreate with some Gingers, they wouldn’t be a dying breed. Get on that.

    19thmayflower: Betty can do better!

    Gypsy: Oh, I guess you are serious. I’ll go google this dude.

  16. Have you been watching “Chasing Amy”? Hmmm? As for his decision, I think Betty and Veronica should leave him and set up house together. But the husband has weight in with Veronica, but “it would last only three years, but it would be a fun three years.”

  17. I always thought Betty, because Veronica also had Reggie on the side! Dude, how twisted! But at least it would make sense for Archie to be with Betty and Reggie to be with Veronica, because then nobody would be left out. And then that bitch Cherry showed up…

    I must have bought hundreds of those little grocery store impulse Archie books. I’m still tempted! And now, with this development? I must find it….

  18. Proof of my ginger love: I wrote this in 2007.

    Today I could add Fatty D to my list, but I’m not sure hers is natural.

  19. Um, Gypsy? I also inappropriately crush on Rupert Grint.

  20. I think I’m a bit of Betty and bit of Veronica.

  21. ah… we dont have this comic in Indonesia 😦

  22. I guess they couldn’t hold out until Aug.

    He picked the WRONG girl!

    I give them 2 yrs. Less than that if he finds out about the affair with Reggie! Or is that Jughead’s secret luvchild she’s carrying? 😉

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