Procrastination Hath Screwed Me, Yet Again

People can prattle on, endlessly, about the suckiness of Mondays.


I don’t love Mondays, either.  But the real asshole day of the week, to my mind, is Sunday. 


Sunday was always the day of reckoning.  The day I realized that 10 page essays would not suddenly appear under my pillow, courtesy of the Essay Fairy.  That there was no way in hell I’d be able to finish the science project about levers at 10 pm on the night before they were due.


Today?  Was no exception.


I knew I had book club coming up.  And then I realized it was on Thursday.  4 days away.  I didn’t even have the book, much less a start on it.  But I wasn’t worried.  These things generally work out.


I drove across town to the Big Chain Bookstore.  The more rational people (i.e. the rest of the city) had stayed home rather than brave the crap weather, so I pretty much had the joint to myself.  The 15 person lineup at the Starbucks kiosk wasn’t there, so I ambled over, grabbed a coffee.  I browsed, uber-leisurely.  Spent time in the sections I never go into.  (You say Economics, I say Snoozefest, but hey, I had some time to kill.)

I checked my notes, looked for the name of the author.  Kate Mosse.  (Shit, that heroin-riddled skinny bitch published a book, and I can’t even get an angry letter to the editor printed?  Oh, wait a minute, Kate Mosse, not Moss.  Whew, hit to the self-esteem, narrowly averted.)

I get to the “M” section.  Find the book.


And then I turn it sideways.

(For the sake of reference, that’s last month’s pick, beside it.)


Oh holy fuck. 


This book is damn near 700 pages.


I have 4 days.  Which seems like a lot of time.  Except I have, like, a LIFE to get through.


So now, the question is this:


Do I ignore my kids, leave the dishes unwashed, the sidewalk unshoveled, and my personal hygiene unattended to, and read the living shit out of this thing?


Or do I go back, and buy this book?

16 responses to “Procrastination Hath Screwed Me, Yet Again

  1. get the second book – the 700 page one looks crappy anyway.

  2. shame it wasn’t by the other Kate… would have been rail thin and you could have knocked it out in the time it takes to leave an average deuce…

  3. mongoliangirl

    ha ha ha daisyfae is wrong and very very funny.
    So is the concept of getting that 2nd book. It reminds me of getting Cliff Notes for (something???) in college and being so nervous when I was asked a question that the prof. asked me later if I was ‘medicated’.
    Uh, yeah, I actually was ‘medicated’ all the time back then, but apparently not so much so that I couldn’t feel nervousness over trying to pull a fast one.

  4. Fuck it, read book number two. Labyrinth looks boring anyway.

  5. OR: Watch the movie, and then record the looks on their faces when you talk about the “magic dance” and David Bowie’s ample package.

  6. Richard Whackman

    That’s one of the reasons I’m not a member of a book club – I don’t want to have to be in that position of having to get through 700 pages in, what was it?, 4 days. I also don’t like to have to read things – it makes me feel like I’m back in school again, and I hated those research papers too. I hope you like the people in your club.

  7. I vote for the second book too.

    What kind of people are in this club that they all have time to read a 700-page book anyway?

  8. I don’t think I’ve ever heard or anyone who didn’t get stressed out about a book club. You’re done with school, you should also be done with book reports. LOL.

  9. Funny, but I am in a book club, too, and, well, we had an 800 page book this time (not our usual length by any means): Wilkie Collins _Woman in White_. I swear I didn’t suggest it, even though I am a Victorian Lit prof and all that. But it is a great classic novel, a real page-turner with a crazy, bad-ass villain.

    I didn’t re-read it, though, for last night’s discussion and decided not to feel the slightest bit bad about that. Ah, well. I was glad for a smaller group at dinner! 🙂 Besides, we have a sort of unwritten rule in our group: come if you want whether you’ve read the book or not.

    Next time our book is exactly 86 pages long!

  10. nursemyra: I’m about 150 pages in, and I’m pleasantly surprised, not horrible at all.

    daisyfae: BWAH HAH HAH!!!

    mongoliangirl: You take the drugs to dull the sensations, then the sensations break through? No fair!!

    Rassles: And then I’d stand up, bow deeply, with a flourish, and bid them all “Good evening.” Aaaaand, then I’d never go back.

    Richard: Oh no, I had THIRTY days. I just left it till the last minute.

    Southern (in)Sanity: Busy people, actually. But most of us usually manage to finish a book. I’m the one who gets to be the slacker this month.

    Beej: Well, it doesn’t have to be double spaced, so it’s TOTALLY different than elementary school.

    Writinggb: We have the same agreement: Just show up.

  11. writinggb: now you’re talking – woman in white is a great book

  12. All you referring to Wilkie Collins should check out the latest by Dan Simmons titled “Drood”. It’s written from the perspective of Collins, all about Charles Dickens. I’m about 100 pages in and loving every minute of it . . .

    And you, missy, better get cracking on that doorstop . . .

  13. I’m with Rassles and here is a little somethin somethin to get the party started:

    You remind me of the babe
    What babe
    The babe with the power
    What power
    The power of voodoo
    Who do?
    You do
    Do what
    Remind me of the babe

    Don’t forget your dark and weird puppets.

  14. Sherri, seriously, did you have to Google that, or was that just floating around your brain? Apparently, that movie was slightly more influential for you than it was for me. Were you high when we watched it, and I was 10 and you were 7?

  15. Don’t leave us in suspense…4 days are almost up, so have you finished it? Is it looking good? Or are you going to fake it big time?

    My last book club we had to send a member to the basement because she hadn’t read the last chapter yet, and she was all “That’s fine, go ahead & talk about it”, and we had to break it to her that the last chapter changes *everything*! So off to the basement she went while we discussed. (Okay, it was a nice basement and she got to watch TV with the man of the house, so it wasn’t so bad.)

  16. Tara: I finished on Wednesday afternoon. Because it’s who I am, and it’s what I do. And I sat at book club tonight, clutching my book, and smugly, yet silently, judging everyone who didn’t finish (um, actually I drank wine and talked about sex. But whatever.) You banished people? Nice basement or not, that’s hardcore!

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