You Had a Bad Day

When the boy was born, he had a full head of hair.


“It’s a shame he’ll lose it.  All babies lose their first hair,” the old ladies who cooed at him would say.


But he didn’t.


It grew quickly.  He got a lot of haircuts.  And he hated them all.


Hated is kind of an understatement.  We couldn’t cut it at home – neither Owen nor I could handle the screaming and kicking.  We’d take him to a salon (a different one, every time), and one us would hold his body, one of us would hold his head, and the horrified hairdresser would try to cut his hair.


I seriously started to wonder if maybe cutting his hair caused him pain, like Samson.

I knew it couldn’t be true.  But I wondered.


One day, on my way home from work, I noticed how shaggy the kid was getting.  The hair in his eyes just screamed, “You’re neglectful!  You suck as a mom!  And the proof is there for everyone to see!”.  So I decided, spur of the moment, to get the kid a haircut.


We pull into a strip mall, go into one of those chain hair-cutting places.  The only hairdresser left for the day puts my son in a chair for his cut. 


He put on the show of his little lifetime.  Red face.  The bribe Smarties skittering across the salon floor.  Snot bubbling out of his nose and onto his cheeks.  I think he even kicked her in the ovary at one point.  But like every other hairdresser before her, she figured that she could be the one who changed him.


She wasn’t.


When it was over, all 3 of us were limp dishrags, exhausted.


I tipped $20 on a $10 haircut.  The hairdresser never even raised an eyebrow at that.  She knew she earned it.


The next day, I was reading the newspaper.


There was an article about a robbery.  Hey, I thought, that’s the neighborhood we were in for the haircut yesterday!  I kept reading.


We finished at the salon at 4:50 pm.  At 4:55, a man entered the store, brandished a machete, and got away with all the money in the till.


Whenever I think I’m having a bad day, I think about that hairdresser.


(Thank god I paid by credit card.  At least she got to keep my money.)


10 responses to “You Had a Bad Day

  1. wow, crazy story. Who uses a machete anymore…this isn’t Columbia.

  2. That is some crazy shit. Your kid’s haircut was probably the height of her day.

  3. There’s a certain irony about holding up a hairdresser’s with a machete, isn’t there.

  4. A machete? For real? I would think it would take a lot of energy to try and keep people in line with a machete, though I’m sure when people like this want something, it’s best just to give it to them and make them go away as quick as possible.

  5. LOL at Gullybogan’s comment. There is a bit of irony in that isn’t there?

    That is one crazy story. Looks like you got out of there in the nick of time!

  6. OMG! That’s scary! The last time I heard of a machete waving was downtown at the Brass Rail where some bouncer got himself into more than he could handle. I know your wee one may be too young to understand how minimal a haircut is by comparison, but I’m sure glad you didn’t decide to stick around to get your hair done or anything!

    Also, dear economy: See? Paying for things with a credit card is a GOOD thing! What’s that? Only if I pay the bill afterwards? Huh. Well…I’ll think about it.

  7. Dang, talk about timing!

  8. I would have freaked if a machete appeared mid-haircut.

    “If you go near my fringe with that thing, I’ll f****** have you!”

  9. Oh man, I was all set to make a machete joke and then I read through the comments. I couldn’t come up with anything as witty…
    or cutting….(huh? huh? funny? No? Sorry)

    Seriously though, all “funny” aside, kind of scary too. There but for the grace of god and all. You have to wonder if he was waiting for you to leave. And that sends shivers.

    (Or, you know, if he was too scared to come in b/c the boy looked like he could have handed it right back at him.)

    Ok, I’m in a universe where the irony is warring with the fact that that was da*n dangerous. Glad you weren’t caught in the crosshairs. (Opps, did it again didn’t I? Not punny…)

  10. O.G.: There was no mention in the articles, but hey, maybe the dude was Colombian.

    Chris: I think if she’d been in a car accident on the way home, THAT would have been the highlight of her day.

    gullybogan: (Smirk)

    formerlyfun: I wouldn’t want to see if he had the goods to swing that thing – I would have handed over the cash in a hot second.

    Vinomom: Sure did.

    Em: This actually happened pre-recession. But I like your logic.

    Gypsy: For ONCE, my timing was on.

    Xbox: If he was scared of haircuts BEFORE…

    deb: I thought that too: he had to have been waiting for her to be alone, so he must have watched us leave. I’m grateful that he did.

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