Let’s Make a Deal!


For once and for all, let’s work this out.


Pedestrians of This City:


I will do my best to get my driving brethern and sistern to finally, once and for all, understand that this sign:

does NOT mean “Forward Moon-Walking Encouraged!”, or “Decapitated Walkers Only!”.  That even if there isn’t a cop around, the decent thing to do is stop.  And that the five seconds we spend stopping for you is more than compensated for by the warm air blowing at us from the vents.


In return,


I need you to repeat after me:


“I will not wear white after Labor Day.”


Because when you dress all in white,

in the middle of a BLIZZARD


I cannot see your idiot ass until I am running over it.



Do we have a deal?


20 responses to “Let’s Make a Deal!

  1. Damn! I thought not wearing white after labour day only applied to shoes

  2. I raise my left hand and point my pinky into the air as I swear, I shall never wear white as I cross in front of you in a blizzard.

  3. If the crosswalk is covered in snow, does it still exist? If a pedestrian is not perceptible by the senses of a rational, non-inebriated vehicle operator, do they exist?

    Questions, questions . . .

    P. S. I’m reading Owen Meany now. Thanks to you . . .

  4. do your part for evolution. bypass the brakes and don’t look back. hopefully you can eradicate them before they breed.

  5. i agree with daisy…you should try to stop them before they breed. i’ve seen “idiocracy”…and it was a terribly frightening flick!!

  6. Why anyone is walking outside in a blizzard at all is a whole other subject matter.

  7. right, but when you hit them, it’s totally your bad.

  8. Oh cool who’d you hit Ginny?

  9. Ha!!!! Wearing white in a blizzard, huh? If they do that, I agree – all bets are off and their safety is their own risk.

  10. Hell, people hardly even walk down here. Pedestrian? What’s that?

  11. Ha, pedestrians rule Toronto. My favourite line: “Where the hell ass did you get your license, Whitby???”


    Ok, just trust me that it’s funny 😉

    However, we’re also far more likely to get run over by people who can’t read the THRICE LABELLED “STOP BEHIND THE DOORS OF THIS STREETCAR WHEN IT STOPS- IT’S THE LAW!!!” and just zoom on past all willy nilly.

  12. I’m telling you, this is what we get for making those “Do not use while bathing” tags on hair dryers a requirement. If we’d just let their ancestors fry themselves in the comfort of the their own homes, we wouldn’t have to worry about stupid pedestrians.

    Yes, I have given this some thought.

  13. I believe that pedestrians should be illegal. As well as drivers. Fuck it, I propose that transportation is illegal as a whole, and that the only person allowed to move from one place to another is me, and with whatever mode I choose.

  14. Nursemyra: For most of the world, yes. But here, I’m starting to think it’s a matter of survival.

    echoofthedesert: Thank you. You’ve done the decent thing, and that’s all I can ask.

    tysdaddy: You’ve gone all existential and stuff. Wow. (And enjoy the book. It makes me happy, I hope it does the same for you.)

    daisyfae: Yeah, but I’m too pretty to go back to jail. Plus, you can’t even smoke in there, anymore.

    Nikki: I haven’t seen it, I’ll have to, now.

    vinomom: True. No one calls a “Snow Day” anymore.

    Stephanie: And I don’t think I’d get away with just saying “My bad!” as I drove away, either.

    Max: No one….yet.

    Southern (in)Sanity: Now if you can just convince the justice system of that…

    mkh: Have I ever mentioned how much I truly hate Barry Manilow? Like, that one of my earliest memories is of hating Barry Manilow?

    Gypsy: I live downtown-ish. Where parking is expensive and stupid. Hence, walkers.

    Em: Whitby. He he he. (OK, I just wanted to pretend like I got it. Sorry.)

    Sue: You are a visionary.

    Rassles: If I could beam anyone up, it’d be you.

  15. “Decapitated Walkers Only!”

  16. Run ’em down. It’s natural selection.

  17. Ginny you are just not trying hard enough. Do not be an underachiever dammit.

  18. Carrie: Thank you , thank you (bows deeply).

    cdv: So really, it’s science?

    Max: If I go to court, you’re coming with me.

  19. This is in response to tysdaddy’s post.

    Yes. If the crosswalk is covered in snow it still exsists and you have to stop. In fact, my husband took his driving test in a blizzard and was marked down because he didn’t stop for it. Even though there were no signs for it. His instructor said that “he drove by it every day and should have known by the mailbox” or something equally silly.

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