“If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?”

You know what I love about reading People In The Sun?


A lot of stuff, actually.  The pit bull.  The baby.  The Valentine to his wife. 

Also?  The fact that he lives in Baltimore.  And every time I think about that, I start singing “I Love You Baltimore”, from Hairspray.  Not well, but enthusiastically.


Anywho, he had this interview up last week, and put out the call to see if anyone else wanted to be interviewed.  I immediately got all Horshack:



“Ooh!  Ooh!  Pick me!”


So here we go.


1) ” Is it weird to open up to strangers online?”

Wow, this made me all paranoid.  Do you think I’m too open?  I don’t say anything on the blog that I wouldn’t tell you the first time we met, at a party or at the playground.  Some people would smile politely, then walk away and avoid me from there on in.  And some people pull up a chair, and hang out, and its fun.  So, no.


2)  “If you had a time machine, would you go for the guy on the left?  (Hint:  Strong the dark side is with him now.)”

I feel like the slow kid, but after waaaay too much time spent scanning the internet, I have no idea who that is.  But I’m going to say no.  He looks cocky, like he’d sleep with your best friend and be all, like, “What?”  when you called him on it.


3)  “How often does your head explode?  Too often?”

Nearly daily.  And then I get my shit back together (or at least into some semblance of together) and carry on.  So far, so good.


4)  “What were you meant to do?”

Wow, loaded gun.  Because I think maybe I’m supposed to say ‘raise kids!’.  But I don’t know that.  I’m doing it, and I do it well some days and I’m a phenomenal failure at it other days.  (If I’m meant to do anything,  I think it’s maybe something with words.  Maybe)


5)  “Do you have a car sticker?  Why or why not?”


No.  Not one.  I judge people by the stickers in their windows.  “Well, no shit he cut me off, he listens to a crappy radio station!”    Plus, the whole fish sticker thing got out of hand. 

I’m always convinced that the purchase of a better car is right around the corner, so I’ve never adorned a car, never improved one.  I still have the remote starter my husband bought me 13 years and 3 cars ago.  I never had it installed.  Because that better car was sure to fall into my lap as soon as I installed it. 


(Thanks for the interview, PeopleInTheSun.  And for the love of god/allah/buddah/spongebob, tell me who that dude in the picture is!)


13 responses to ““If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?”

  1. Hey, thanks for doing it. And thanks for the nice words. It wasn’t too bad, right? Coming up with questions scared me a little, I admit.

    Should I tell you? Or should other people guess or give you the answer? I don’t mind telling you. It wasn’t meant to be a mystery. That picture was on Huffington Post last week. Let me know.

    A few years ago a friend gave me a “Toss my salad, I’m a vegetarian” car sticker, but I haven’t put it up yet. Even though I’m vegetarian! I think cars scare me too much to decorate them, you know? And of course I also judge people by their stickers, which means road rage on 83. And who wants that? I’m the one shouting, “I’ll show you ‘She’s not a fetus, she’s a baby girl.'”

  2. Horshack! I love him…and this interview. Sweet and a little scary.

  3. I loved your answer to ”Is it weird to open up to strangers online?”… I almost sprayed coffee all over my monitor.

  4. Okay, okay. McCain. Kevin Costner? And the one in the middle is fucking killing me.

  5. I have to say I am so in agreement with his answer to the online thing. I’d love to sit on a corner with him and listen to his car sticker commentary as people drove by. I think it would be fascinating.

  6. Ummm…. PITS might be better off with a “Vegetarians taste better!” sticker or something. “Toss my salad” or “Salad tossing” is a crude sexual reference that’s actually worse than “Vegetarians taste better!” which is just mildly suggestive. 🙂 Then again, if you WANT to be know by the neighborhood kids as a “salad tosser,” and I could see where one might, go right ahead.

  7. OOOHHHHH oh oh, Missus Darwin, Missus Darwin, OhhhOhhOhh

    Can I be interviewed? Can I? Can I? Please Please?

    I know, without looking online that it was Juan Epstein, Vinnie Barbarino, Arnold Horseshack and wait for it…wait for it…Freddie BOOM BOOM Washington.

    Does that make me eligible?

    also – Loved: …I wouldn’t tell you the first time we met, at a party or at the playground. Some people would smile politely, then walk away and avoid me from there on in….

  8. People In the Sun: The sticker that really burns my toast is “Baby On Board”. If you expect ME to drive like a nun because your precious little snot factory is in the car, then you better drive perfectly, too.

    mongoliangirl: Wow, if ever I was going to market a perfume based on me, that’s exactly the slogan I’d use: Sweet, and a Little Scary.

    Dean: The worst I ever had to clean out of the monitor was sneezed root beer. Not. Cool.

    Rassles: The one in the middle reminds me of Danny Masterson, from That 70’s Show, for some reason. The hair’s all wrong, but there’s something there.

    NATUI: I’d love to sit on the corner and see how often the Stick Figure Family car sticker = woman talking on cell phone. Because I bet it’s pretty often. I don’t know why; it just is.

    Thalassa: You vegetarians and your wacky lingo. (And hey, maybe PITS really IS a very kinky boy. The kind you don’t bring home to mother.)

    deb: In effect, I’m a walking litmus test. (I’m emailing you about the question thing.)

  9. Okay! I can’t take it anymore!

    from right to left: McCain, Huckabee, Cheney.

  10. That’s fucking Cheney? Seriously? Damn. Put a picture of Kevin Costner next to that and it’s eerie.

    Poor Costner.

    And how hip is Huckabee?

  11. Shut UP! Thank christ I didn’t say I’d do McCain. And Huckabee, how did I miss that? Cheney didn’t look even a little bit evil. Nature vs. nurture, man.

  12. Thanks for the multi-fish sticker image. I do love a good fish sticker variation.

  13. I love the dinosaur eating the fish. If I ever found it, I think I’d break my car sticker moratorium.

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