The Heart Wants, What It Wants

Owen and I have been together for a long time.


Long enough to have pissed each other off, on occasion.


(On several occasions.)



Hard to believe, but there are things about me that bother Owen.



The way I will spend our last dollar on a book, and act incredulous when he gets mad about it.

The fact that I hate celery, and refuse to let him put it into any of his (awesome) cooking. 

My nearly ESP-like way of knowing the exact moment he’s invested in a TV show, then changing the channel.


Make no mistake, though, he irritates the fuck out of me, occasionally.



He’d always wait, a minimum of 3 years, to tell me he’d hated a hairstyle.  (As in, “Remember the ‘Rachel’-do you tried to rock in ’94?  Did.  Not.   Work.”)


Then, it took him another 10 years to slowly leak the details of what he thought might make a decent hairdo.


“I like you in long hair.”

“I don’t really enjoy bangs on you.  They make your face look all squished.”

“I like to see your ears.  I don’t trust people when I can’t see their ears.”  (That one makes me want to look at our health plan, see how much psychiatric coverage we have.)


So, I’ve put it all together.  Using his guidelines, this is what I’m pretty sure Owen wants to see on me:



OK, baby, I’ll do it for you…


17 responses to “The Heart Wants, What It Wants

  1. 😯 NNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooOOO!!!

  2. NNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooOOO!!!

  3. Sadly I looked at that pic and wished I could have his upper body but with better defined abs and less, um, body hair.

  4. Don’t forget the piece of straw, and the “Why, yes, I am BADASS!” look . . .

    We dudes are fickle like that. And, to be honest, we often judge hairstyles by how they look on OTHER women . . . ask him, he’ll tell ya. We see a hottie sporting some smashing doo and think, “I wonder what so-and-so would look like in that . . . ”

    Our mind never leaves the gutter, trust me.


  5. resist the siren call of the mullet… it only leads to pain and suffering.

  6. that there done be a right fine mullet.

  7. Business in the front. Party in the back

  8. Is there something wrong w/ that hairstyle? I’ve been rocking that for a few years now….

  9. Hey! I didn’t know you knew my neighbor!

  10. Speaking of heartsf and wanting things, did you get my email?

  11. See? This is EXACTLY the reason why I need to go pee BEFORE reading your posts. I swear, you do it to me all the time!!

  12. Shit. Um.

    Damn baby, you’re lookin’ hot!

  13. Honest to god here…

    I skimmed this in my reader yesterday briefly saw the pic and got the general gist.

    Now I’ve read the whole thing and his criteria for follicle perfection and I’m giddy.

    This morning, the wife came back from getting her hair done or fringe waxed or parting shaved or eyebrows dyed or something, and she stood in front of me all ‘so what d’ya think?’

    My answer of course was “Lovely”, followed by “but put it behind your ears, people look odd with hair over their ears.”

    Ladies, show us your ears.

  14. Peter & Nurse Myra: Oh come on, I’d be HOT!

    cardiogirl: See, I can’t picture it WITHOUT the hair, so I didn’t even think of that.

    tysdaddy: I believe you. I don’t want to, but I do.

    daisyfae: I don’t know if it’s a siren call so much as a “Soooo-ee!”-type pig call.

    Stephanie: Boy howdy.

    Beej: Not even a very successful business, up front. More of a fly-by-night check cashing joint.

    vinomom: The trick is to rock IT, without letting IT rock you.

    mongoliangirl: Hey, you live next to my brother-cousin? Small world.

    Rassles: And did you get my email, re: your email?

    Kathleen: Thanks, lady!

    mtnlover: I know. I mean, thanks, that’s sweet.

    Xbox: Freaks. All of you.

  15. That’s hilarious, 3 years? That is so man like. Either tell me right away or have no opinion.

  16. I’m guessing you either can’t or won’t do the beard part but I am sure you will look even better than he in the hair part. Not that you should part it.

    Hairy Trueman

  17. Hilarious. Long hair and ears, yup, mullet is the only answer.

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