Things I used to be able to do, that I assumed I could still do, that I can’t do, anymore:
1. Touch my toes
2. Hula Hoop
Biggest false rumors about me:
1. I hate fun. (I’m pretty sure my kids are spreading that one.)
2. I killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die. (It was Laughlin.)
Most meta things I saw today:
1. All the American Idol kids auditioning with songs by former Idol contestants.
2. The library book my son brought home – about libraries.
Awesomest presents I got for my birthday:
1. These pyjamas, which my sister insists need to be pronounced pyJAAHmas:
(Image from here)
2. Cash. I like cash.
Most annoying traits on Facebook:
1. Friend requesting me, then never, ever attempting to make any contact. I feel used and vaguely dirty.
2. People whose statuses always end in an exclamation point (“Schwartzie is making supper!” “Schwartzie is going to the library!” No one is excited about that shit. Not even Schwartzie, himself.)
Songs I should be legally prohibited from singing:
1. “Low Rider” by War
You know how the horns hit separate, distinct notes? Yeah, not the way I sing it.
2. “Laid” by James
Get to the 45 second mark. You’ll know why.