Pssst. Wanna Buy a Magnet?

Some people can sing.

 

Some people can dance.

 

Others write great novels.

 

My special talent?

 

Finding awesome refrigerator magnets.

 

Found this little baby in a gift shop in Canmore:

 

Got this when The Museum Company went out of business:

 

Gave Owen this one, in his Christmas stocking:

 

But as of today, I’m going to have to start nurturing another talent.  Because the magnets gotta go.

 

See, when you’re single, you can put whatever the hell you want on your fridge.  Naked pictures of the guy who passed out at your last party?  Okie-dokie!  And then when you have kids, you have to take away the nasty visuals, but you can still get away with a ribald saying or two on a fridge magnet.

 

But eventually, for better or worse, your kids learn how to read.

 

While I was making supper tonight, the kids were playing together.  Without fighting.  So I wasn’t paying much attention.  Until the boy picked his little sister up off the ground.

 

“Put her down!  She weighs 3/4 of what you do, you’re gonna drop her!”

“Ok, ok.”

He trudges toward the couch, gently sets his sister upon it.

Then, in his best Isaac Hayes, he croons:

“Gonna lay you down by the fire.”

 

Gee, I wonder where he could have gotten that?

 

At least he didn’t use the first part.

 

So, if you see a collection of random fridge magnets on eBay, you’ll know what’s up.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to run to the dollar store for some non-stimulating magnets.  Something beige and shapeless.  With no words.

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20 responses to “Pssst. Wanna Buy a Magnet?

  1. Hahahaha 🙂 Come on, Chef is the new thing in early childhood pedagogy. He’s like Montessori, except he teaches children about how chocolate can be made into a variety of shapes with varying degrees of saltiness.

  2. Jesus Ginny. You make me want to come over to your house and hang out til something funny happens. You guys are a riot.

  3. it sucks when those little shits learn to read!!!

    no more, “honey, put a M-O-V-I-E on for the K-I-D-S and take me to B-E-D and make me S-C-R-E-A-M!”

    not that i ever said that…but, hypothetically, if someone did…it would suck when the K-I-D-S learned to R-E-A-D.

  4. That is too funny, I don’t know what I would have done! I seriously can’t even listen to Barry White or Marvin Gaye or any of that romantic crap. I feel so violated! What is this, some random person singing very descriptive songs about banging? To me? Does Josh know about this? And now you’re going to put on a chef hat and touch my food? Get away!

    I’d keep the Salty magnet though. Seems like a fun way to get your kids to eat their greens. Or yellows. Or oranges. Or whatever.

  5. I want the Sofa King magnet so bad. Do you remember the SNL skit? It was so good.

  6. That’s great…I was going to reccomend you check out the Pimpin’ Presidents collection but I guess that would not work now.

  7. I can’t tell you the inappropriate things my child has been exposed to by learning to read. I hated when I couldn’t spell things in front of the kid anymore.

    I don’t think I can read your blog anymore. Your readers use words like pedagogy. Clearly I’m out of my league here.

  8. Non stimulating, beige, shapeless with no words…?

    {Drops trousers}

  9. I’ve got one of the “Don’t Tread On Me” rattlesnake. And that’s the extent of my magnetic excellence.

    Now here’s my question: how did your son know HOW to sing Isaac Hayes? He overheard Owen serenading you, didn’t he?

    I fucking knew it.

  10. Ginny! Ginny! Pick me! Send them to me. I promise I will make my fridge wear them with pride. I will shine them up and dust them off and arrange them all pretty and everything. I’ll even make it an open adoption and send you pictures once a year or something.
    Oh, and I promise to never have anything around that can read them except my hubz.

  11. I was thinking EXACTLY what XBox4NappyRash was thinking. Sick, wrong, but it’s where I went. I have a collection of magnets from previous jobs if you want to swap. You need those tupperware ones that Grandma has.

  12. chad: You know what my favorite thing about Chef is? That even when there’s only one kid, he still addresses that kid as “Children”. Makes me laugh every damn time.

    bluestreak: Oh my god, please, come on over! (But call first. Because I am a SLOB!)

    Steph: I should be bottling it 🙂

    Nikki: Nothing is safe. Nothing.

    em: I think Josh would be cool with it. At least, that’s the vibe I get. And the Salty one actually teaches a very important lesson that I’m not knocking; that’s how we get the kids to eat corn.

    chowner: Um, I don’t think I’ve been able to get through a conversation in the last 10 years without saying “Do you remember the SNL skit where…” I have a problem.

    O.G.: Oh, I’ll still check it out. We may need to pick up a magnetic board, put it in the back of our closet, keep the collection alive.

    vinomom: Kind of changes the way you do business, doesn’t it? (And we also use words like “poop”, “hoo ha” and “baff”, when Rassles is around. So it all evens out.)

    Xbox: How can I make fun of you when you take the piss out of yourself before I’ve even shown up?

    mkh: We’re in the same headspace; the fruits were my first thought. But then I thought of all the possibilities with carrots. And bananas.

    Rassles: They’re just gonna pick it up on the street. Best they learn it at home. Right?

    mongoliangirl: Open adoption, hey? You’re not coming back on me for support when they get to be teenagers, or anything?

    Sherri: Of course you were. Because if there’s one thing I’ve always said to you, since we were little girls, it’s that you have the sense of humor of an Irishman living in the Netherlands. Remember? How I used to say that?

    And I’d rather get left the vast polyester slack collection than the fridge magnets. I’m just being honest.

  13. I’ve got quite a good collection myself. Maybe I’ll have to post them to compare!

  14. Free Man: Maybe we can trade, school-lunch style?

  15. Girl, you are missing the boat. Keep those magnets. Run out and get yourself a mini-fridge to put in the bedroom, stock it with champagne, beer, wine, pop, tequila or whatever you want, then stick your naughty magnets to it.

    And then get a coffee pot to set on top of it and you might not have to leave the bedroom on lazy weekend mornings. Well, except to open the door and throw a box of cereal at the kids so they don’t start chewing on the sofa or anything.

  16. Sue: You’re clearly years ahead of me in this game. So much wisdom. (And we’ve taught the kids to make the coffee. So we’re trying…)

  17. Holy Mother of all things Funny! I am so glad I found you.

    (I may have a small crush on you, now. Hope that’s OK)

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