Dear George Newbern,

To me, you’ll always be the near-perfect Bryan MacKenzie, fiancee from “Father of the Bride” – Steve Martin version. 

You were charming, cute, enlightened (you were going to let Annie keep her maiden name – so very progressive for 1991), an all around nice guy.  Oh sure, there was that moment of dumb-fuckery, when you bought her a toaster as an anniversary gift, and the wedding almost got cancelled, but then it didn’t.  At the end of the day, you were a delightful guy, a road-map, if you will, for those of us who thought we might one day go on to marry men.


Didn’t see much of you after that.


But then, this week, I can’t get you out of my living room.


It’s been 17 years, and you don’t really look all that different.

On Monday, you were on “Criminal Minds”, playing a pedophile who teams up with his neighbor (and turns him into his lover) to kidnap young girls.


Tonight, you were on “CSI: NY”, playing a court officer, who murders his son’s wrestling coach.


What the hell?


Why are you  so determined to take my pleasant, adolescent memories of you and replace them with ickiness?  Why, George Newbern?  What did I do to you?


Reply at your earliest convenience,




10 responses to “Dear George Newbern,

  1. Hmer … and he was the bad “husband” on Ghost Whisperer, and the bad prez on Jericho, and the bad hubby on Medium, and I’m pretty sure he faked being blind on Vegas … but I loved him as Julia’s son Payne on Designing Women a billion years ago … no, I’m not really a tv watchaholic, George has just been prolific, and memorable (to me)!

  2. don’t be holding your breath for a reply Ginny. maybe it’s time to switch allegiance…..

  3. Maybe he’s going for some street cred. You know, working his acting chops with some meaty roles.

    Or he’s being, uh, typecast.

  4. He was also in Adventures in Babysitting with Elizabeth Shue, back in the late 80s. He was so hot!

  5. my love for mister newbern knew no bounds back in ’87 when he starred in the disney tv movie ‘double switch’ with elizabeth shue. every time he pops up on television these days, i’m transported back to childhood crushes and jelly shoes.

  6. i was watching criminal minds….and couldn’t place that guy for the LIFE OF ME! awesome!

  7. Damn. I hate when actors do that.

  8. The new toaster is brilliant. The bread that goes in it is a different matter.

    Bad bread… bad bread.

    Fortunately, I know my ladyfriend’s favorite bread. “You mean I have to drive 50 miles, one way, to pick up some bread?”

    “Yes, Allen you do.”

    I need a bread truck.

  9. Lisa: I bow down to you, madam.

    nurse: Oh ye of little faith.

    cardiogirl: But all in one week? Damn, that’s urgent!

    Candice: I completely forgot about that! So it turns out I loved him way earlier than I thought.

    zeldasfitz: Jelly shoes!! I sunburned my feet in a pair, couldn’t get rid of the weird tan lines for, like, 2 years!

    Niki: It’s a gift. 😉

    faemom: A little consideration would be nice, right?

    Allen: Women, man. Women.

  10. Dear ginny

    I’m just trying to put food on the table, you know? I have 3 kids and 2 houses….I work because that’s what I do! I am in something not so creepy on monday called “dadnapped” on the disney channel….hope to hear from you…geo

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