To Serve and Protect…Some of You

Sgt. Whatshisname:  Hi, you’ve reached the citizen’s complaint line of the Police Service, how can I help you?


Me:  Yeah, I was just driving down Elm Street, and at about Oak Avenue, there’s this woman.  I’m pretty sure she’s drunk, and she’s got her thumb out like she’s trying to hitchhike, and she’s kind of weaving off the sidewalk into traffic…


Sgt. W:  Oh, Elm & Oak!  Well, you know, that’s a well known area for prostitution.


Me:  Um, OK (silently think, no, that’s about 6 blocks north, way to know your area, but whatever).  Well, it’s just that the sun is really bright, there’s ice on the street, and I’m afraid she’s going to step in front of a car…

Sgt. W:  Yeah, lotta drunk hookers.


Me:  So, if there’s a car in the area,  you might want to make sure she’s OK.


Sgt. W:  Yeah, I’ll see…


Me:  (in what I think is my most sarcastic voice)  It’d be a real shame if someone’s big SUV got dented by that hooker.


Sgt. W:  Hmm.  We’ll send a car out to the area.  Thanks so much for calling!




(Image is “Hooker Painting Her Toenails” by Omsel)

17 responses to “To Serve and Protect…Some of You

  1. good thing I gave up hooking a couple years back. Now I can drunk hitch hike safely in un-hooker infested areas.

  2. Sad but true, eh? As much as they’ve helped me out a few times, my disdain for cops runs deep.

  3. You could have gotten them out there much sooner with the phrase

    “She has a box of donuts. I am afraid she’ll drop them in the road, and then they’ll get squashed by the cars and ruined.”

    There would have been fire in their footprints.

  4. And then the dented SUV owner could sue the police dept. for not arresting the drunken weaving hooker. Or something.

  5. You mean I was 6 blocks SOUTH of where I was supposed to be?!?!? Well DAMN! No wonder I only had enough for Taco Bell last night!!! ;-p

  6. You are excellent. Because those goddamn hookers just run out in front of your shit, you know, and then you gotta get hooker bits off the grill, and who really wants to touch hooker bits?

  7. …and that kids is how I met your mother.

  8. You know that you just alerted a dodgy cop to where he could get his rocks off with just a flash of his badge.

    You owe her 50 bucks.

  9. Loni: Yup.

    O.G.: You made the right decision. But you knew that, didn’t you?

    mongoliangirl: 90% of the time, I have had positive experiences with them. This wasn’t one of them.

    Beej: If the whole thing had gone down in front of a Tim Horton’s, I never would have had to get involved.

    Stephanie: That I did.

    Captain: As long as no one sues me. Because they’d be wicked disappointed; I’ve got fuck all.

    Kim: Didn’t you think it was weird that there were no used condoms on the ground, and none of the other women were wearing bitch boots?

    Rassles: If I had a nickle for every time Owen came home with a mini-van that smelled of hooker….

    Billy: I’ll be sure to watch the Announcements section of the Sunday paper for their engagement picture. I’m pretty sure it’d stand out.

    Xbox: You’re so jaded, where hookers are concerned 😉

  10. “Great, thanks. Say, can I get your badge number for reference? I just feel better knowing who I spoke to. You know, just in case.” 😉

  11. Human life, SUV, Human life, SUV – nice..

  12. ugh. Are you kidding me? Sometimes you want to ask them, hey why’d you get into this job in the first place?

  13. I hate it when I have to dodge drunk hookers in my car.

  14. Em: They get all weird and defensive when you ask for their badge number. (Kind of like when they ask my name, and I blurt out “Anastasia Beaverhausen”.)

    Jessica: Because if that hoooker’s not there tommorrow, who’s gonna notice. But a dent in your Hummer? Oh, you’re gonna notice that.

    mkh: What anyone does after tea-time is their own business.

    faemom: Gonna bet they don’t remember.

    FreeMan: Apparently, it’s a more common problem than I realized. I’ve had my head in the sand for too long.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s