Seven years ago today, my uncle and cousin were killed in a car accident. My cousin was 7. She had cerebral palsy, and she, and her mom & dad were on the way to the city, for a physiotherapy appointment. They hit a patch of black ice. My uncle & cousin were thrown from the vehicle, and killed.


I’m sad for my uncle’s widow, I’m sad for her remaining son and daughter.


I can’t stop thinking about my grandma.


She’s probably been crying most of the day. Remembering the granddaughter, whom she’d given birthday presents to, the night before the accident. Remembering the son she was so close to, her favorite. Feeling like life dealt her a shit hand.


I went to the phone, started to call her.


But I didn’t.


She wouldn’t be expecting a call from me. We don’t talk all that often. And when we do, we strenuously avoid topics as unpleasant as this.


But mostly, I didn’t call because she’s 80. What if time is being merciful, and she’s managed to forget that today’s the day?

13 responses to “Today

  1. Sad. So very sad. I’m sorry for each of your losses and sorrier still for the heartbreak your family endured.

    Your Grandmother may or may not have remembered the day, but the fact that you felt it today and feel for her might be felt in her sleep tonight. The universe might send a little comfort her way.

    Call her, thoough. For your sake too. Not today maybe, not tomoorrow but call her and tell her you are thinking of her. She’ll have a good thing to embrace.

    I’m sorry too for whichever parent lost their sibling and I hope that your niece and her father transitioned together to a safe and welcoming place. Sad, sad anniversary.

    Bless you and hugs from afar.

  2. Sorry to hear.
    You never know she might need you 🙂

  3. You know, I’ve had some tough blows in the last couple of years, not as close to me as what your grandma has had, but rotten enough. I’ve never been brought lower by anyone mentioning that stuff. Just the opposite.

  4. Call her. Just to talk – if she wants to mention it, she will. I’m very sorry for your losses…

    Don’t remember how I found you, but I’ve been lurking for awhile.

  5. she won’t have forgotten

  6. That is such a tradgedy. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I’m sure your grandmother would appreciate the call more than you realize.

  7. Yup, call her, and do it now. Everyone is right.

  8. Well, boy and girls, I called. Today, the day after. Here’s how it went.

    (after some introductory weather conversation)

    Me: I meant to call yesterday…

    Grandma: Uh huh. I took down my Christmas stuff yesterday….

    And that was it. I dropped several more references, to give her an opening. She didn’t bite. So she either truly forgot (which my sister agrees is probably the most likely answer), or she wasn’t going to talk about it (also quite likely). (This is how my grandma rolls. She’s getting old, exponentially so in the last 2-3 years.) So while everyone was giving advice based on “normal” folks, that just ain’t us.

    Thank you all so much for your words and thoughts.

  9. Mm..

    I’m Sorry to hear that..

  10. You know, she’s probably flattered that you thought to call, even if she didn’t take your opening and talk about it. I find that my Dad doesn’t really want to talk about my Mom unless he brings it up. There were a few nights when we were in our hotel room in Poland where Dad and I sat up all night and he talked about how much he missed Mom. But he wasn’t going to do that until he was good and ready. Your Grandmother will probably not talk about it until she’s good and ready and not a second sooner either.

    I am sure that your call made her smile because you thought to call her to check in on her. Even if she won’t talk about it, you still comforted her.

    My condolences to your family. It was a tragic accident, and I am very sorry to read about it.

  11. i’m glad you called.

  12. bocahbancar: Thanks very much.

    Beej: I think you’re right. Thanks.

    bluestreak: Me too.

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