Somehwere, Steve Martin’s Testicles Tingled

Last night was the biggest party night of the year.

 

But not for us.

 

We’ve been sick.   So has the rest of the world.  We had no plans.

 

We didn’t want to go out in the cold for fireworks.  We couldn’t (in good conscience) leave the kids with a sitter.

 

So the family went to the movies.

 

We saw “Bolt” in 3-D.  Aside from 3 trips to the bathroom, and a choke/vomit incident, it was a surprisingly pleasant outing.

 

The kids and I loitered in the lobby after the movie, waiting for Jeeves (Owen likes it when I treat him like “the help”) to bring the car around.

 

My eyes were suddenly assaulted by a giant, pink, flashing “2”.

 

SERIOUSLY?!?  There’s a need for “Pink Panther 2”?  Who the hell green-lighted this?  Why haven’t I heard about such a travesty?  Is Steve Martin in some sort of fiduciary trouble?  There’s umpteen-thousand talented screen-writers, waiting for a break, and this crap is getting put out?  Why are they going to fuck up my birthday with this steaming pile of turd?  Who sits around saying, “Man, that Beyonce can sure ACT!  I can’t wait for the sequel!”? 

 

And while I’m thinking all this, my son, apparently, was processing his thoughts and emotions much, much faster than I.

 

He walked up to the bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutout.

 

And calmly punched Steve Martin in the nuts.

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17 responses to “Somehwere, Steve Martin’s Testicles Tingled

  1. Oh my gosh. Too funny. I’m laughing so hard.
    We did our movie outing today and though J. (3) was running up to the life-size posters of Watchmen and going “Are you Batman?” we had no nut-punching incidents.

  2. I commend your son. Children grow up far to fast as it is, and stop doing stuff like that when they are way too young.

    Have a great new year!

  3. I know! What happened to Steve Martin, he was so brilliant and cutting edge. It’s as though he loves the character and homage to Peter Sellers so much, he needs another crack at it. It’s almost like he’s saying its our fault we didn’t love the first movie, and the next one will prove it.

  4. Great. I just had to think of Steve Martin’s testicles. Tingling.

    (Gotta admit, he was pretty good in Shop Girl, even if he was an ass.)

  5. You need to redeem Steve Martin to your son though, just so he knows how kick ass the man used to be.

    PS: Best. Header. Ever.

  6. Ginny that’s a good boy you’re raising.

  7. “Aside from 3 trips to the bathroom, and a choke/vomit incident, it was a surprisingly pleasant outing.”

    Only from the mouth of a truly laid back mom . . .

  8. I have to admit the header drew me in.

    I never saw the first one. But I do laugh when I see the previews of him saying Hamburger. I can’t help it. I like making fun of people with accents.

  9. Maria & derfina: Thanks 🙂

    Beth: Was he disappointed when the Watchman didn’t answer?

    Joan: As long as he can keep it to cardboard cutouts, we’re good. Because I’m pretty sure his music teacher, let’s say, would not think it was hillarious to get a left hook to the crotch.

    Michael: I want to believe that he thought he could redeem himself, that he thought he could truly bring something special to the movie. But really? I think he saw a shiny new yacht that he wanted to buy with cash.

    GYL: I love the guy. That’s why this franchise makes no sense to me.

    Rassles: Maybe we’ll watch “The Jerk” together. But I’m not quite ready to explain Special Purposes.

    formerlyfun: I do what I can, I do what I can.

    Mongoliangirl: Are you screaming or laughing? Either way, glad I could elicit a reaction.

    tysdaddy: 1st kid: “Oh my go! I brought his blue binky instead of his green one! We’re going home, this trip to the zoo is ruined!”. 2nd kid: “Well, she only puked a little. Just watch the rest of the movie. Anyone else craving twizzlers?”

    Vinomom: I think the right to make fun of accents is in the constitution. Maybe not here in Canada, but I’m pretty sure you guys have that right.

  10. The original Pink Panther – the Peter Sellers one – deserved a sequel. The original remake should never have been made and a sequel? God no. Hollywood is so far beyond screwed that I don’t even know where to start to make it better.

  11. oh man is he ever like his momma.

  12. Free Man: Let’s all just shake our collective head.

    bluestreak: I’m sure I don’t know what you mean…. 😉

  13. No. Steve Martin is a brilliant, brilliant man. He chooses his films wisely and lately, he’s just been settling down more and more with less and less work. And why shouldn’t he? When he signed the contract for PP1, he was agreeing to any sequel that production desired.

    Don’t blame Steve. He’s my inspiration and my love! I agree with you heartily – There is NO need for a sequel, but come on. Let’s point fingers in another direction, shall we? 😛

  14. Dear Steve Martin:

    Stop making comments under the pseudonym Mindy.

    It demeans us both.

    Sincerely,

    Ginny

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