2009 Might Suck, and It’s All My Fault

(Drunk babies are funny.)

 

I phoned a friend this morning, to wish her a Happy New Year.  I asked what she was doing.

“Uh, cleaning?”  she said, in a tone usually reserved for dull-eyed, mouth-breathing children.

“Oh, are you guys having a party?”

No.  You can’t go into the New Year with a dirty house.  It’s bad luck, bad karma, bad juju, just….bad.”

Apparently, there’s a whole mess of superstitions concerning New Year’s.  And unfortunately, I’m fucking up on all accounts.

 

 

You’re not supposed to go into the New Year with any debts.  Bwah ha ha….I’m gonna need a minute to collect myself…

 

The first person to enter your home is supposed to be a man, dark, tall, good-looking.  Well hell, yeah, I wish, but the first person likely to cross my threshold is the pizza guy.  Who fulfills only one of those requirements.  Maybe.

 

Nothing is supposed to leave the home on New Year’s Day, to avoid letting luck out.  I’m telling you right now, I’ve got 2 sick kids, I’m sick, we’re going through a box and a half of Kleenex every hour.  I’m not letting the snot pile up.  Letting snot lay around your house cannot be lucky.

 

At the stroke of midnight, you’re supposed to open the doors and windows, to let the old year out completely.  It’s gonna be -25 (minus 12 for you farenheiters) tonight.  Fuck.   That.

 

So when I complain that 2009 is craptastic, remind me of this post, and how I brought it all on myself, won’t you?

 

(Seriously, though, Happy New Year to all of you.  Have a lovely time tonight.  Take a cab home, or pass out where you fall.  And for god’s sakes kiss someone.)

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14 responses to “2009 Might Suck, and It’s All My Fault

  1. Happy New Year to be!

    (and I love the new header!)

  2. In some traditions you have to smash all your crockery.

    That’s a tradition put about by crockery makers, i think.

  3. The only thing on that list I accomplished was clean house. And why? OCD travel packing. As for kissing someone . . . well, I sure hope the person behind me in the airport security line is hot.

  4. Woo hoo! Gonna have to make sure my hubby enters the door before my son when they get home this morning! At least I’ll have that one covered!

  5. Here’s hoping that all your bad decisions don’t end up in a bad 2009 for you. I’m in a similar pickle. In the part of the country where I grew up your supposed to have black-eyed peas and collards. For my last three expat New Years I managed to dredge some up. But this year? Just couldn’t be bothered. I’ll only have myself to blame I guess.

  6. Nothin’ wrong with greeting the New Year with a hangover and a dirty kitchen sink.

    But I’m going to adopt the term “bad juju” in 2009.

  7. Wow! My 2009 just went straight down the toilet. Uh…well…if I believed in all of that!
    Happy New Year Miss Ginny!

  8. derfina: Same to you, and thanks. I wish you a fart-water free year.

    gullybogan: Welcome! And it does sound rather self-serving, doesn’t it. Kind of like the whole “brush twice a day” propaganda the Colgate people are peddling.

    mtnlover: By now, you’re airborne. I wish you a wonderful year. Peaceful, healing, adventurous.

    arynsmom: Lucky you! Owen is currently bald. Not sure what that would do to the superstition.

    FreeMan: We’ll regroup in 364 days, see how our transgressions affected us. Deal?

    cardiogirl: It’s all yours. Happy New Year!

    Mongo: Happy New Year to you too, lady.

  9. Hmm, we had all doors and windows closed as to not let the cold air OUT. We had a 39 degree day – that is effing hot for all you fare….damn it, I can’t spell the word and I can’t be arsed looking it up. That is hot for all you people who don’t measure degrees in celsius. God. Did I even spell THAT right? Good thing I am not an English teacher……..shit.

  10. Happy New Year my friend…

    (I can’t possibly keep up with all that shit and besides everyone is still blaming me for causing bad weather two years ago just by moving back to Canada so I’m pretty much screwed no matter how I play it…)

  11. Man, I am fucked for 2009. Lame.

    (Haha, so are you. So you know. We wallow together, via the internet.)

  12. In response to arynsmom, I am a man, and my hair is dark. I hope that’s enough . . .

  13. Ouch — sorry you guys are sick. I JUST feel like maybe I’ll live after a wretched cold that went on for over two weeks. Lovely hacking cough. Blah blah. Funny but I started feeling better on New Year’s Eve after drinking a couple of glasses of wine…

  14. GYL: 39 degrees. Poor baby. I’m gonna go scrape the ice off my windshield.

    sulya: I’d call it magical thinking, but you’re right.

    Rassles: “We Wallow Together”. Am I the only one who smells a good band name here?

    tysdaddy: Hey, she said you qualify. You’re a lucky guy.

    writinggb: Thanks. The 2 year old is taking it the hardest. Wonder if I can slip her some wine… (I’M KIDDING).

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