How I Will Know I’m Finally a Grown-Up

1.  I stop snickering when introduced to men named Dick.  Or Peter.

2.  I start buying Kashi cereal, and bypass the Chocolate Lucky Charms.

3.  I can actually fold a fitted sheet, instead of stretching it out, attempting to fold it, then giving up, mashing it into a ball and shoving it into a closet.

4.  I can have more than 3 people over for dinner, and provide them all with matching flatware.

5.  I buy a certain bottle of liquor because it is a quality brand, not because I get a free pack of cards/shot glass/keychain with purchase.

6.  THIS stops being funny:

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17 responses to “How I Will Know I’m Finally a Grown-Up

  1. You think Dick is funny….. a hugely popular Dutch name is ‘Kok’….

  2. I am sorry, but if my name was Richard you couldn’t pay me to call myself Dick.

    Though I have a funny story. My sister and I used to work for my Very Polish Dad. Very Polish Dad, VPD, had no idea that Dick is short for Richard, b/c, well, he’s Very Polish. VPD had a vendor named Dick, and he never felt quite comfortable calling him Dick. But he didn’t know Dick’s last name, so he couldn’t just call him Mr. Whatever instead. And he’d been working with Dick for too long that he didn’t feel right asking him “So, what’s your last name?”

    VPD had to send Dick a fax, but didn’t feel right just writing “Attn: Dick” on it. At the time sister and I didn’t realize that he’d been agonizing over how to address the fax, when he scribbled something on the cover sheet, jammed the pages into the machine, and skulked out of the office to get back to his machine on the shop floor.

    Hours later sister was filing whatever VPD sent to Dick. She glanced at the cover and promptly fell over laughing. She barely got out “Beej, OMG, look! At! This!”

    Written on the cover sheet, in VPD’s handwriting was, “Attn: Mr. Dick.”

  3. How are the chocolate Lucky Charms? I have been tempted by them in the store but have so far resisted.

  4. michael.offworld

    I coached my boys to call their penis a “Johnson” since they were too young to talk. “Quit pulling your Johnson! It’s going to come off.”

    It paid off last year when I took the oldest to the optometrist. You know what his name was.

    “Dr. Johnson will see you now.”

    My boy looked at me and mouthed, “Johnson,” wondering if this guy was really named after a penis.

    Oh, I laughed.

    My wife thinks I’m a retard.

  5. Watched video. Have not grown up.

  6. They make CHOCOLATE Lucky Charms? You mean they get magically delicious-er?

    I doubt I EVER grow up if this is the criteria.

  7. But…but…I love Trailer Park Boys.

  8. xbox: Oh christ, I wouldn’t make it a day there.

    Beej: Awesome story! (And kind of a cool portrait of your dad.)

    Karen: Welcome! And I adore them. I used to dig Count Chocula, but then (here in Canada, anyways) they changed the formula, and the cereal bits taste funny. Vive le Lucky Charms!

    micheal: :snort: I love it. (FYI, most of us think our husbands are (at least mildly) retarded. It’s OK.)

    ittybitty: Welcome. Yeah, me neither.

    derfina: Oh yeah, they’re that good.

    rassles: Are you serious? Cause they’re kind of like a religion in this house.

  9. I can fold a fitted sheet 🙂

  10. Wait. A fitted sheet can be folded? Seriously?

  11. Ginny! I need lessons on fitted sheet folding! Make a video! YouTube it! 😉

    And I went to tech school with Rob/Ricky (from TPB) … never dreamed the quiet kid in the leather jacket at the back of the class would turn out to be the pot growin’, law breakin’ icon that he is! LOL

  12. You know…it’s true about the fitted sheet thing…I struggled wth those damned things for YEARS. The just after my 30th birthday, I was doing laundry…I pulled the fitted sheet out of the dryer and just folded the shit out of it!

    I didn’t know I knew how to do that…so, it looks like I’m starting to grow up.

    The video was very amusing, as are people named Dick! So, I’m hopeful!

  13. Of course I’m serious. I can’t get enough of Julian and his sexy black t-shirt.

    And sometimes, when I drive, I like to drink ice water out of a rocks glass. Just so I can hear the clinking cubes. And then I talk about shitwaves.

    I own every season. (at least the ones they’ve released in the states).

  14. nursemyra: There’s a joke in there about all the time you spend between the sheets…can’t quite get the joke out…too tired….

    cdv: I’m still not convinced it’s actually possible. I think it’s a myth.

    Kim: You did NOT go to school with Ricky!!! Sadly, my husband has been compared to Ricky. Multiple times. By multiple people.

    Nikki: Welcome. And congratulations on folding the shit out of that sheet. All I got at 30 were lines around my eyes, and no wisdom to go with them. Crap.

    Rass: You are now my favorite American. Best line ever: “Well, worst case Ontario…”
    (If you were a character from the show, which one would it be? I’d like to say I’d be Sarah, but in that situation, I think I’d go totally Lucy.)

  15. I am also all like: They make chooooocooolateeee Lucky Charrrrrmss????

    And John Dunnesworth (‘Lahey’) from the TPBs used to be my agent. He will be very pleased to hear they are being worshipped. (He always kind of assumed it, anyway.)

    And I just recently bought a piece of shit wine (one I had already tried and KNEW was a piece of shit) just because it had a free bracelet with it. A piece of shit bracelet. Shameful, innit? We should start a support group.

  16. I can identify with all of those being symbolic of me now being a grown up. Especially the sheet.

    In my mom’s yearbook from high school there was a guy named Dick Hare.

  17. Drea: You know Lahey? Too. Cool.

    bluestreak: Dick Hare. Snort. Once upon a time, I knew this girl. Her last name was Cox. Her brother’s name was Rusty. Seriously.

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