I Wonder Why They Never Asked Me Back

In my early 20’s, I worked at an oilfield company.  It was a family-owned business, 2 brothers and one of their wives.  Throughout the year, most of the owners’ 12 (twelve) brothers managed to work for them, at some point.  So when it came time for the company Christmas party, it felt like I was an outsider at a family dinner.  But the booze flowed pretty freely, so I got over it.

 

After dinner at one of the town’s 2 (two) restaurants, we all came back to the owners’ house for drinks.  The main event of the evening was a gift exchange.  The way it worked was that everyone drew a number.  Lowest number picked and unwrapped a gift first.  Anyone with a higher number could then steal someone’s opened gift, or pick a new one.  (I’ve heard this referred to as a Chinese Auction, also as a Dutch Auction.  But I’ve also been assured by people from both of those ethnic groups that they do not wile away the time at gatherings by stealing gifts from each other.  So who knows where the names came from.)

 

I had the second highest number.  No WAY was I going home with a set of fugly potholders.  I was gonna get me something good.

 

The first to unwrap was a little boy.  The littlest, cutest nephew in the whole damn family.  Spoke with a lisp, and everything.  If a Care Bear and a basket of kittens reproduced, they couldn’t have made anything cuter than this wee bugger.

 

He opened his gift, and found 3 shot glasses.  The colors of half the rainbow.  He immediately turned to his Mommy, and said “I’m gonna give these to you.  Because you’re so pretty!”

 

Couple turns later, Owen opens his gift.  The other 3 shot glasses. 

 

And finally, it’s my turn.  Someone says, jokingly, “Well, Ginny, you could have yourself a nice set of shot glasses, if you steal the other 3 from the kid!”  And everyone laughed.  Because who would do such a thing?

I still feel a little proud every time I use them.  Children need to learn disappointment early on.  It’s better that way.

 

(Hey, don’t blame me.  Blame the cheap bastard who split the set up, in the first place.)

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21 responses to “I Wonder Why They Never Asked Me Back

  1. Heheheh – I’m a strong supporter of that philosophy.

    Besides everyone knows you can only give kids mixed drinks. And shot glasses are for liquor straight up, as a rule!

  2. We always called this a Dirty Santa gift exchange. Perfect time for regifting.

  3. Kids are coddled these days –you go, girl!

    Out here in Massachusetts, we call it a Yankee Swap. In California, we called it a White Elephant exchange. I wonder what they call it in the U.S. South?

  4. Oh, boo hoo. 😉 Don’t play if you don’t want your gift ganked!

  5. yeah, we call it a white elephant and i hate it! *somebody’s* always gotta end up being the bee-yotch.

  6. Vinomom: You are so right. I could mix a rye coke press at 7. And I was a welcome addition to any party, never a burden.

    derfina: Dirty Santa? I LOVE it! (although it kind of souunds like you’re gonna say dirty sanchez…)

    writinggb: Good to see it’s universal.

    the replicant: Word up.

    gina: It’s just that the bee-yotch is usually over 6…

  7. Oh, he’ll get his own set some day. And will probably always wonder why they make him think of crying a lot during the holidays.

  8. It’s Dirty Santa here in Franklin, Tenn. Every time I’ve played, I’ve been stuck with a chi-chi-chi-chia. Usually a bear.

  9. I remember the first time we did this in our family, my dad didn’t get it at all. He wouldn’t forfeit his gift and got really pissed off. heh…..We never did it again.

  10. michael.offworld

    I don’t know how, but your manic blogging is getting me into the Christmas spirit. I’m going to get my sister-in-law’s new boyfriend liquored up on Christmas eve and see what he’s REALLY like.

  11. mongoliangirl: Kind of like the way my son is inexplicably attracted to the sound of slot machines (What happens in Vegas does NOT always stay in Vegas.)

    hereinfranklin: I keep threatening to buy Chias for all my in-laws. I always wuss out. Maybe next year.

    Joan: Welcome! I would have liked to watch your family’s attempt at this. Crotchety old people make me laugh so hard.

    michael: Funny, it’s having the same effect on me. Good luck with the potential bro-in-law, let me know how it goes.

  12. I would have tackled the kid to the ground and gave him a wedgie.

    Cause that would have been more funner.

  13. HA! Awwwesome. I bet he cried.

  14. magneto: Did I mention that the 12 brothers (who are the uncles of said moppet) are all rather large gentlemen? I would have been a Ginny-pancake if I started shit with that kid.

    gnome: His lip quavered. I made sure of that.

  15. That.

    Is.

    Awesome.

    The best I ever did was win my mom’s Christmas gift at a work party by guessing the name of a movie from a single line.

    “*cracklecrackle*WHAT! We’ve got -”
    “COOL HAND LUKE!!! IT’S COOL HAND LUKE!!!”

    Everyone was impressed. I didn’t tell them that I’d never seen the movie. I just listened to G’n’R too much and read the liner notes a bit too carefully – they had played that line somewhere on Use Your Illusion II. 😉 Thanks Axl!

  16. The song was “Civil War”. And that’s where I learned the line, too. Who knew Axl was good for something besides punch lines?

  17. I seriously like your style! I would have nabbed them, too. Then I probably would have told the kid all about how the North Koreans have missles aimed toward the North Pole and we don’t know if Santa will make it out or not… just to give him something else to think about and make losing the shot glasses easier on him. I’m just thoughtful that way.

  18. Thanks, hedon, and welcome! I adore your site! (And after you let him in on the Koreans, would you have offered him a shot, out of your new glasses, to help him get over that, too? Too far?)

  19. Hey thanks, Ginny. As I am adoring yours! Awww… big group hug.

    Not only would I have offered the poor kid a drink, I would even have let him pick which color glass he wanted it in. That’s just how I roll with the generosity and thoughtfulness and all.

  20. I love that you ended up stealing them. I would have tried to and my hubby would have given me the eye.

  21. bluestreak: I’ve long since stopped paying attention to the eye. It’s better, this way.

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