The Reluctant Samaritan – Redux

I try to love this time of year.  I really do.

 

Every year I start out with good intentions, high hopes.  This will be the Christmas season when I am bursting at the freaking seams with spirit, practically shoving goodwill towards men.  (Take that anyway you want.)

 

But I am usually brought down by one thing:  the greed of small children.

 

Last year, I tried to take steps to mitigate it.  It didn’t work so well.

 

A couple of months ago, I tried another tactic, with the adoption of our “foster child”, Bob.

 

This week, I tried to combine the two.

 

“You know, with Christmas coming up, we should try to send a little extra something to Babulal.”

“OK.  Maybe we could send him a Christmas card.”  My 5 year old son is learning to read and write, and this sounds like something he can do.

“Sure.  Why don’t you write him a special message?”

 

He goes to work.  He is armed with markers, paper, and a tenuous grasp on phonics.

 

With a triumphant flourish, he gives me the finished product.

 

urlucky_0011

 

Can’t quite make it out?  Here, let’s try it with spaces.

 

“U r lucky that we are giving mo money.”

 

Which part of this note do you think disturbs me more?

1.  The fact that the kid does not have a cell phone yet, but he’s already speaking in text (U R?  WTF?).

2.  The fact that he’s using ebonics, and that they’re slightly dated (mo’ money?  Next thing you know, he’ll be weighing in on what really went down with Biggie and Tupac).

3.  The fact that he’s taken something that should have been touching and heartwarming and made it vaguely threatening.

4.  The fact that the whole shooting match is written on NASCAR note paper.  We’re not those people.

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25 responses to “The Reluctant Samaritan – Redux

  1. Hi. I just wandered over from Holidailies and–disturbing as they may be to a father-to-be–your stories about your kids made me and my wife laugh a lot. Good luck to you this holiday season!

  2. I gotta go for the obvious joke. I’m sorry. I can’t…I can’t hold it in. It’s…soo…

    MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS!

    OOOOHHHHHHH DAAAMMMN

  3. Oh God this is damn funny. I just showed Blane and Ariel and they’re cracked up too.

  4. My gums are bleeding now because I was chewing a dental stick while reading this.

    Absolutely classic.

    You are doomed.

  5. I’m going to take you off of my blogroll for a few days so my hubz isn’t tempted to read this one. He doesn’t know the child “Bob” we sponsor is just made up from funny stuff on your blog. I use “Bob” on him in much the same way you use “Bob” on your kids. Get him to make the bed, put dishes away, etc…
    In the meantime, I am lovin’ that 5 year old of yours! Funny guy, eh? I know, I know, as long as he belongs to someone else.

  6. I. LOVE. your child.

  7. Ben = smart. Afternoon K = advanced class or what? Why did no one tell me? Look at that writing!!!

  8. John: Welcome! I still can’t believe I signed up for Holidailies, but now that Day 1 is in the can, I’m a little calmer.

    Rassles: If you don’t mind, I put the Oh Damn into Flavor Flav’s voice. And added a “booyyeee!”

    Kitty: Aw shucks. Thanks!

    Xbox: Ouch! Funny shouldn’t hurt. And yes, I am quite doomed. I’m already trying to make friends with lawyers. Just in case.

    mongoliangirl: You do what you gotta do, sistah. And yes, the kid makes me laugh, too. He also makes me pull out my hair. In great big ugly clumps.

    Maria: It’s no, “ARE. YOU. BLEEDING?”, but yeah, he’s alright.

    Tara: Makes the fight to get into morning K seem a little silly, now. doesn’t it? I’m kidding, of course. I have no idea where this came from. I think he’s secretly known how to write for years, he just didn’t tell us, wanted us to think he was a little slow.

  9. michael.offworld

    I think he gets it in a five year old kind of way. Maybe don’t send the card though.

  10. your kid is freaking hilarious, ginny.

  11. I had to come back and read it again.

    All it’s missing is a ‘nah nah na na nah’ at the end.

  12. I don’t often show things to my hubs, because you know how non-blogging people are when you’re like, “You just have to read this…” but we had a good laugh over it.

  13. michael: I think you’re right. And no, it’s not getting sent. I figure world wide exposure on the internet is enough.

    bluestreak: Thanks. I’ve said it before, but I think my kids came out KNOWING they better be amusing. It’s a survival thing.

    xbox: I know. He’ll be the jerk who makes you laugh.

    formerlyfun: Non-blogging people. We need a word for them, like “muggles”. Glad I could make y’all laugh.

  14. Ginny, there’s no way y’all say “y’all” up there.
    Do you really?

    I didn’t notice it at first because we talk like that here. LOL.

  15. I’m in the same place trying to like the Christmas season. Just not going well this year, but that note – particularly the NASCAR paper – helps!

  16. I gots no problem with y’all. Lovely word, y’all . . .

    And that kid’s just telling it like it is. There’s some wisdom is them there words, I tell ya . . .

  17. Jebus.

    I have relatives from the South, so I catch myself getting all twangy on occasion, but that last comment? Ugh! It’s like I couldn’t stop . . .

  18. Kitty: I grew up in Southern Alberta. Southern Alberta is under the impression that it is a lost part of Texas. So yes, I did grow up with it a bit. Plus, I just like it.

    Free Man: Glad to be of service.

    Tysdaddy: Catchy, isn’t it?

  19. *gaffaw*

    That kid is gunna be a banker. Or a politician.

  20. Magneto: Depressing, isn’t it? Actually, when you deny the kid a second cookie, you realize he has a pretty fair shot at becoming a lawyer, too.

  21. I have no idea how I missed this one. HYSTERICAL.

    Oh yeah, this is a perfect beginning to a litigator’s biography.

    At least he’s being honest. Bob IS lucky you’re sending him mo’ money.

  22. Your kid is GREAT. I can’t wait to read his blog. He will undoubtedly be on my Blogroll.

    Your blog is like McDonald’s…

    I’m lovin’ it!!!

    Corny, right? I know!!! LOL

  23. “Southern Alberta is under the impression that it is a lost part of Texas.”

    That’s amazing. I never knew that. When I think of Alberta, I do think of horses for some reason.

  24. mtnlover: I snuck in when you weren’t looking. I’m tricky like that.

    jay3arr: Thanks, Jay!

    Kitty: Maybe we need to start a cultural exchange program?

  25. Yeah Ginny, Come on down here.

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