1. The world would be a better place if we all told one person per week that they look like a movie star*. Even if it’s a stretch, and the only thing the person has in common with said movie star is possession of two eyeballs and a mouth. A friend told me I reminded her of Faye Dunaway, circa Bonnie & Clyde.
She was being far too nice. But damn, that was cool. And I was just a little nicer to everyone I saw that morning.
2. The awesomeness of your neighbors should be factored into the value of your home. My neighbors regularly invite my children over to play, make me lattes on Sunday mornings, hand out full sized chocolate bars at Halloween, and tactfully ignore the mess in my backyard. I figure that should be worth at least fifty grand on top of the price of my house.
3. Farting SHOULD be criminal. This guy in West Virginia farted on a cop. Totally on purpose. And they charged him with battery. I was elated. The other people who get mail here (i.e. the husband and kids – yes, even the 2 year old girl) celebrate farts proudly and publicly, without even a modicum of shame. Finally, I could threaten them with criminal charges. Alas, the charges were dropped. But I think some important precedent has been set. And when the world is done throwing up from the financial tailspin it’s in, I want resources devoted to this problem, people.
4. One 52 cent stamp attached to one card that was sent for NO REASON is worth a million damn dollars. Mail that’s not a bill? From a friend who’s stuck by you for twenty-one years? Pretty much priceless.
5. There is no dining experience that cannot be enhanced by either bacon or butter. Or some mystical combination of the two.
Go ahead. Try to come up with something. Whatever it is, I will gladly slather it in bacon &/or butter. And I’ll tell you, honestly, whether it rocked. Because I know it will.
* Please note that Jabba the Hutt, does not count. While it could be true, it’s just mean.