Why You Are NOT as Awesome as Bruce Dickinson

 

1.  You didn’t sing lead vocals on your band, Iron Maiden’s, best song ever, “Run to the Hills”.

I am not a major metal-head, nor am I a guitar rock aficionado. But something about this song just grills my cheese. Mr. Dickinson shows his full range on this song, from guilty white-man rap in the first section, to the truly impressive sustaining of notes in the chorus. (When I saw that this song was on “Rock Band”, I nearly wet myself. I knew I could rock it. And, in my opinion, I turned that mother OUT when I sang. The assembled family members who witnessed it, however, disagreed. I believe I was asked to promise not to sing this. Ever again. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. You wouldn’t-know-talent-if-it-bit-you-on-the-ass sons of bitches.)

 

2.  You didn’t produce the seminal stoner anthem, Blue Oyster Cult’s, “Don’t Fear the Reaper”.

 Again, I am not a stoner, nor was I a stoner in the 70’s, when the song was released. But I like that song. And there really aren’t enough songs featuring the cowbell. Cowbells are scientifically proven to make people happy. (Not really). The SNL skit that documents the production of the song has given so much mirth, to so many. NBC has uncoolly prohibited the embedding of the video of said skit, but you can find it here. The sight of Will Ferrell’s flying gut? Pure comedic heroin.

 

3.  You didn’t save a bunch of stranded British tourists.

 

When metal started to go south (thanks for nothin, Nirvana!) in the early 90’s, Bruce left Iron Maiden. He trained to be a commercial pilot, and got a job with a British airline. When a British travel-package company went out of business last weekend, they left stranded tourists all over Europe, with no way home. Bruce, along with other pilots, flew to their rescue. (These days, when he wants to play a gig with Iron Maiden, he has to take unpaid leave from his job with the airline. All in the name of rock’n’roll.)

 

4.  You’ll always care too much about your teeth.

 

Sorry, it was getting too sappy up in here. But seriously, good on you, Bruce Dickinson, for being an anti-douche, in a world rife with douchieness.

 

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25 responses to “Why You Are NOT as Awesome as Bruce Dickinson

  1. Wow, I had forgotten just how much Iron Maiden was an inspiration for the look of Spinal Tap. I may have to break down and buy Rock Band for my kid, just so I can scream out some lyrics!

  2. LMAO! WOOOOOOOOO Iron Maiden!

  3. I KNOW you rocked it Ginny. You crack me up, girl.

  4. I can’t get my head around the idea of him as a bloody pilot…

    “Welcome on board ladies and gentlemen, your pilot this evening will be the lead singer of Iron Maiden”…

  5. Murder for freedom
    a stab in the back
    Women and children and cowards ATTAAAAAACK…

    So, a couple years ago I was in a band and we totally covered this song for a battle of the bands just just to prove how hardcore we were, since our normal songs were more like a cross between Queen and Dolly Parton. At the end of every practice we’d try to play this song in under three minutes. It was goddamn impossible.

  6. By the way, thank you for doing this. I can’t believe I had yet to add Iron Maiden to my Pandora station.

  7. Wow, you´re right, it´s hard to compete with that level of awesomeness. LMAO at the last one.

  8. Alan: They are Spinal Tap, aren’t they? Except for the unexplained cold sores.

    Maria: I sincerely hope you made the universal “rock on” horn sign with your hand when you said that.

    Kitty: You think that’s funny, you should hear the actual performance.

    Xbox: Especially when you consider how many rock stars have died in plane crashes.

    Rassles: Of COURSE you were in a band that played this. You just can’t stop impressing me, can you?

    Bluestreak: I found that picture, and couldn’t stop laughing. Yes, British teeth are an old and overused target. But when you have photographic evidence like that, you gotta go with it.

  9. Ginny, you rule more and more with every post. Hi-larious.

    Want another onion layer? I’m the daughter of a roadie. Like hardcore “Don’t really recall seeing much of dad when I was four because I think he was on tour with Guns n’ Roses that year.” (With The Cult as their opening act which makes Matt Sorum’s later switch from The Cult to GnR after Steven Adler turned into a needle-skewered reject THAT MUCH MORE AWESOME) Before I even knew what it implied, I was told on a daily basis “If you ever come home with a backstage pass, there’s going to be a dead road crew.”

    I highly recommend “Metal: A Headbangers Journey” which is an awesome sight even for those who aren’t living the lifestyle. (Because let’s face it, most of us need jobs, and that usually requires sensible shoes and an inoffensive haircut.) There is an awesome comparison between metal and classical with Mr. Dickinson as a commentator.

    Spinal Tap fun fact of the week: I had a tank top made that says “These go to 11” right across the front. Awesome.

  10. Em’s right, Metal: A Headbangers Journey was an awesome documentary. Watch it. Love it. Possibly love it up depending on how things go. I kind of burned out on Maiden after leaving the same fifteen or so songs on my MP3 player for at least a year, but for some reason I never get tired of Run to the Hills. I can’t sing worth a damn, ask Em, but I do a pretty wicked sonic impression of the drum rolls in the chorus.

    \m/> <\m/

  11. Gotta agree with the Reaper comment. And, coincidentally, heard about this site on the dear old CBC today:

    http://www.morecowbell.dj/

  12. Em: You should go to Bluestreak’s blog (in my blogroll). She put a section of her life into bullet points. I would REALLY appreciate it if you could do something like that. Yo life be crazay.

    Josh: Ok, ok, I’ll go find it. And I’m sure I’ll love it. Or be too intimidated by the hype to admit I don’t. Whatever.

    Tara: That site is the best idea I’ve seen in a very long time. Rock. On.

  13. Ha! I actually went and read that post, cause I like to find new blogs through my current blog-buddies comments (you still get the ‘filtering’ that you don’t get by hitting the random button, but with the smidgen of personality that you can’t sample just be hitting up someones blogroll)

    It’s on the way!

  14. I must say, I’m a little crushed. That one picture may have been mixed up with my Grade 5 yearbook photo.

  15. It has occurred to me that if your last name is Smith, one or more of your ancestors was a blacksmith back in the day.

    If your last name is Carpenter, one of more of your ancestors was a carpenter back in the day.

    So… what does it say about your ancestors if you last name is Dickinson??? 😕

    Just one of those things that plagues my mind from time to time. Sorry, I like to share. 😛

  16. Sherri: We all had an awkward time. I’m sure you’ll be out of yours any day now. (Tee hee hee)

    Peter: Snort. This reminds me of a politically incorrect, but great, joke about Native American names that ends with the punch line, “Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”

  17. Ginny, that’s “three pigs…” Well at least in the south. Hmmm, I was going to do some pork barbecue for dinner, but I just squelched my appetite.

  18. Three pigs?!?! You southerners are a kinky bunch, aren’t you?

  19. I just moved you up three, no, ten notches on the coolness scale. Long live Maiden!

  20. Why thank you, Billy! But you know, any coolness points I got for Maiden-loving are cancelled out by driving a mini-van and wearing sensible shoes. Such is my lot in life.

  21. Kickass! But horribly freaky teeth man. Like they’re going to jump through the computer screen and chomp onto the ball at the end of my nose. I am so not comfortable with that.

  22. The ball on the end of your nose. That’s pretty damn specific. Have you had this nightmare before?

  23. Bruce didn’t produce BOC, differen’t guy, same name.

  24. Pingback: All Day Sucker | Praying to Darwin

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