hûr’sōōt’

 

For your voyeuristic pleasure, a portion of a phone call between my sister, Sherri, and I:

 

Sherri: So, you know that guy you brought down here for the football game a couple of weeks ago?

 

Ginny: Yeah, “D”. Why? What did he wreck? Leave behind? Soil?

 

S: No, no, nothing bad. You remember how he shaved his head before the game?

 

G: Yeah?

 

S: Um, well, he used a towel to try to clean it up.

 

G: Oh my god, did he just leave a wadded up towel full of hair in your bathroom?

 

S: Oh, no. No, he folded the towel up quite neatly, and put it on the bathroom counter.

 

G: Uh huh….

 

S: Well, we were out of clean towels. And I saw this towel sitting in the guest bathroom. And it looked clean. So I grabbed it. But I didn’t shake it out. So I get out of the shower, dripping wet, and start using this towel….

 

G: Oh holy shit.

 

S: Um, yeah, I was COVERED in this strange guy’s hair. Black hair. Stuck to every part of my wet, naked body.

 

G: (Choking, squealing sounds, resembling laughter)

 

S: (Voice gets very small) I puked so hard.

 

 

My stomach still hurts. Luckily, she can laugh about it now, too. For a pregnant chick whose gag reflex is on a hair trigger, she still has a kick-ass sense of humor.

Advertisements

25 responses to “hûr’sōōt’

  1. oh man, there is nothing i hate worse than unattached hair.

  2. I sure hope my pregnant sister has some funny puke stories like this.

  3. What was that dude thinking??? Your poor sis. 😕 DUDE!!!

  4. OMG, sometimes Todd would use the towel on MY rung when he does his beard. Then he’ll hang it up, like a properly house-broken husband should. And then I get out of the shower, grab the towel and voila! I am Chewbacca!

  5. Jeez! Girl! I’m hardly able to type I’m laughing so hard! Your poor sister!!!

  6. I’m dying here. That is absolutely hysterical and reminds me of American Wedding. Now there’s something that will trigger a gag reflex.

    I will now text my wonderful man and thank him for knowing to put the towel and washcloth he uses when he shaves in the hamper. I think I’ll keep him.

  7. Thank you, I feel somewhat justified in my reaction now – that it’s not just because I’m pregnant. I keep finding chunks here and there every so often around the washroom even though I have swept it. I don’t remember him having that much hair when he walked in. He really should have considered gathering it and donating it to Locks of Love.

    And by the way, thanks for the above visual. I am now laughing out loud at work and the lady at the front desk is looking at me funny.

  8. Bluestreak: At least it wasn’t curly?

    Mtnlover: Welcome! Pregnancy is chock full of embarassing, degrading, and hil-frickin-arious stories. Enjoy!

    Peter: The worst part is, he wasn’t exactly an invited houseguest, but my sister was uber-gracious, trying to make him feel at home. And that’s what she got in return.

    Tysdaddy: Yeah, that about sums it up.

    Beej: Chewbaca is actually what she compared herself to first. And the sound effects from puking kind of completed the comparison.

    arynsmom & Sue: Your laughter, as always, is appreciated.

    Sherri: Oh, you’re justified all right. You’re pregnant. You can run around in cheese underwear, singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy”, and nobody can question it. Embrace it. And let’s be honest here: hasn’t the lady at the front desk of every job you’ve ever had looked at you funny? I love you.

  9. I was laughing all the way to your comment about it not being curly…

    vomit.

  10. oh my lord – folding the towel is such an anal thing to do….. wait a minute… are you sure it was just back hair….?

  11. Oh that’s so NASTY!!! Ewwww!!!!!!!!
    That shower would be back on before I had a chance to fully freak out.

    At least she knows who the hair belongs to. Imagine it was a strangers hair? She would have had to bathe in bleach, which probably would have sucked.

    Hey, I look for the silver lining everywhere.

  12. gag reflex is on a hair trigger

    I would commend you for this astute bit of punditry, but I have to go throw up laughing now!

  13. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Ginny!

  14. I’m just curious why he needed to shave his head before the game. Maybe not.

    “May I use your bathroom”

    “Of course you can.”

    “No, really, I need to shave my head.”

  15. Xbox: There’s something about being able to inspire nausea across the ocean. Mr. Disney was right – it really IS a small world after all.

    Nursemyra: Sherri says that is was shiny, well-cared for, and about 3 inches long. That’s all we know for certain…

    Talea: When I think silver lining, I think TALEA!
    (And the funny thing is, she really would have bathed in bleach. She is a majah germaphobe.)

    loveyh: Thanks. Didn’t know if anyone would pick that up.

    Maria: You’re welcome.

    Allen: Excellent question! Our menfolk like to shave their heads and paint said heads in the teams colors (kelly green and white). The truly odd thing about this instance, the guys shaved the heads, started drinking, and didn’t have enough time to paint.

  16. Then we won’t discuss “green pressed hams” which I both remember and deny at the same time.

    What? “Well yeah, we’ll streak, paint our butts green, and press them up against the college cafeteria windows.”

    Thank heaven, my past foolishness has been transferred.

  17. Dude, I totally did this to MYSELF. I was living with this guy who turned out to be a complete and utter nutcase. Like seriously, completely unable to hold down a job and thusly pay rent kind of nutcase (which is unfortunate but not my job five months later). Anyhee, I cut his hair for him one day, and used a towel to catch the bits. And promptly forgot all about it. And used the towel. The next morning. Yes, I can be that retarded. It…was…awful. Even worse, my bathroom is about yay big *hold hands a foot and a half apart* so it was all claustrophobic and sticky 😦

  18. Allen: You crazy kid, you.

    Em: That’s the beauty of the internet. Now you know there’s a woman in southern Alberta who knows exactly what you went through. I can hook you guys up, if you wanna form a support group or something.

  19. I think there may be an Olympic demonstration sport in here, somewhere. Shocking acts of impoliteness inspiring stomach seizures. Something.

  20. I’m trying so hard not to laugh because I don’t want to explain to my roommate behind me why I’m laughing hysterically, so I’m making weird huffing noises, which is making me laugh harder and this isn’t going to end anywhere good and it’s all your fault!

  21. Todd: Welcome! What a great weekly column that would make: “Shocking Acts of Impoliteness.” I like it.

    Captain: Tee hee. You’re welcome.

  22. The thing about hair is that it never seems like a lot until you’re standing there all naked and covered in someone elses’.

    “I puked so hard.”

    That is what’s keeping me from sleeping at work today…giggles over coiffered baffing. It’s much more satisfying than, say, Moons Over My Hammy or threes over kings.

    Love this.

  23. Rassles: You just GET me. I cannot. Can. Not. say Moons Over My Hammy without giggling. Never could.

  24. Oh, my GOD! That’s just about the funniest thing I’ve heard all week. Gag me with a spoon, indeed.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s