Google Makes No Promises

 

 

I am grateful.

 

Grateful for every hit this blog gets. Grateful that anyone would read what I spew out twice (maybe three times, if I don’t sleep) weekly. Like every disreputable dive, I’ve got some regulars. Every now and again, some poor sucker’s Google search lands them here. They open the door a crack, letting in a shaft of sunlight. The googlers (yes Max I know that’s not a word…yet) either recoil in horror, realizing this place is not for them, or they feel like they’re finally home and settle in. My favorite terms that brought the people in, lately:

 

very close veins

See, I’m not the only one who heard it like that! Ah, validation: you’re almost 30 years late, but it’s good to see you.

 

celebrity vomiting

Ten bucks says this is a reality show on Fox by next fall.

 

ripa going down on husband

You kinky buggers! If you think the flawless Pippa is going to let that shit leak to the interwebs, you don’t know Pippa.

 

tupperware problem

What kind of problem, exactly? Can’t get the seal to “burp” anymore? Or was someone looking for help with their rabid Tupperware addiction? “Can you just spot me the Classic Bowl Set, and the Amazing Marinade Carry-All till next week? Swear to god, I’m good for it, man. Come on, I need this shit…”

 

my friend the sociopath

Admitting it is the first step.  Hiding the knives is the second.

 

And finally, my fave:

 

guys love big meat

I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for here; carry on, my wayward sons!

 

(Image borrowed from here.)

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14 responses to “Google Makes No Promises

  1. Googlers is totally a word. It is the plural of Googler: One who googles.

  2. 1. My spellcheck disagrees with you. Vehemently.
    2. Oh, so you’re only a snob about adverbs, then?

  3. I am for bending language. I am against wielding it blindfolded.

  4. The one google search term that shows up almost daily on my blog is “spaghetti poem”. I posted a poem I wrote titled “Spaghetti” once, and it never fails that someone finds it. I often wonder what they think . . .

  5. I’m totally sociopathic. I embrace it. 😛

  6. Most of mine seem to be about fat people and the Maury Povich show.

    Conincidence? I think not.

  7. Chick: “Fat people, Maury and a pack of Ring-Dings. These are a few of my favorite things…” I JUST came up with that! Got dang I love “The Sound of Music”! And packaged snack foods.

    Maria: If you’re ever on trial, I hereby promise to delete that comment. You’re welcome.

  8. I get zero hits from google that don’t include some version of the word seamen.

    and I don’t mean sailor…

  9. Awww! That reminded me of one of my favorite Simpson’s quotes of all time:

    Smithers: I think women and seamen don’t mix.
    Burns: We know what you think.

    Because closeted gay people are FUNNY!!!

  10. now I’m regretting I only found you via Ask and Ye Shall Receive…..

  11. Welcome, nursemyra! I’m dealing with a raging head cold, and the first time I read your comment, I somehow ommitted the word “only”. It was an entirely different comment….

  12. ha yes it would have been 🙂

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