Big Love

 

I had a dream last night.

 

I came home from the grocery store, and there were all these women in my house. At least a half dozen. I didn’t know them, but they knew me. “Ginny, can we help with those groceries?” “Where do you keep the cleaning supplies?” “Ginny, where can I hang this wash?”

 

They were nice enough; all of them were around my age, but were dressed like someone my mother’s age. I felt like I was slogging through chocolate pudding, but finally made it upstairs, where I found my husband, waiting for me in the bedroom. He casually told me these were his new wives, my sister-wives. As we hadn’t discussed this, nor were we Mormon, this came as a shock. I didn’t like this. But I just didn’t feel like fighting about it either.

 

The women looked like they’d come from people who were too closely related to reproduce. It was kind of like the way barn cats start to look a little pinched, more feral, when they’ve reproduced with their brothers and sisters too often. Human, but not quite, these women. I got a call from my doctor’s office. My pregnancy test had come back positive. I tried not to vomit. It was physically impossible for me to be pregnant. Plus, I did NOT want another child with this filthy neo-polygamist.

 

I told one of my sister-wives that the baby was hers. Luckily, she was exactly as smart as she looked; she believed me. She was happy, and started to glow. But then one of the other sister-wives caught on. She insisted the baby was hers. Fights broke out. Not violent ones – these were “pregnant” women, after all.

 

I was tired of all the noise. I hustled my kids back into the car. I called the police from my cellphone, and told them a dirty, dirty polygamist had set up shop at this address. I smiled when I heard the sirens.

 

(Image from here.)

Advertisements

27 responses to “Big Love

  1. Wow! I would not ever bring this up with a quack dream interpreter (in case you hang out with one of those types). There’s fodder here to last for months . . .

    What exactly did you eat before going to bed . . .

    Again, wow!

  2. You have some very colorful dreams, sister.

  3. Tysdaddy: Oh, no. I WELCOME the quacks. I’d love to know what the hell that’s all about. (BTW, I had one slightly underripe nectarine before bed.)

    Chick: Sometimes, I hate that I can remember them so vividly. Because I spend a good portion of the next morning trying to convince myself it was just a dream. Although, it would have been nice to get some help around the house…

  4. I’d love to be a polygamist. Even just a bigamist. As long as I’m the one that had plural spouses and I wasn’t one of them.

  5. “It was kind of like the way barn cats start to look a little pinched, more feral, when they’ve reproduced with their brothers and sisters too often.”

    Very cool image.

  6. Maria: While aspects of it intrigue me, I am too. Fucking. Tired.

    Michael: Aw, thanks! I kind of liked it too. And yet, I still think I could do better. Sadly, I’m allergic to self-editing.

  7. See now I would love that kind of help around the house. Sister wife, go clean the windows, sister wife the baby’s got a poopy diaper, sister wifego service the mister, I gotta check my blog.

  8. FormerlyFun: Yeah, I’m not sure why I got my shit in a knot in the dream. It could have been great, if I’d just given it a chance. Dream Me should loosen the hell up.

  9. You have cool dreams and I am jealous. 😐 It is very rarely that I ever have an unpleasant dream much less a bad dream. Unfortunately it is even rarer that I have dreams that I can remember, or at least not with any clarity. And on the rare occasion I do remember a dream completely, they tend to be rather quilt like, lots of bits and pieces thrown together to make one dream. Much like a Freddy Kruger (without all the scary crap) type dream where I might be in my childhood home, walk through a door and then I’m at work, then another door leads to my high school. What’s up with that? 😕

  10. And when I get to the high school, I seem to have lost my clothes. I used to have that dream all the time. Wanna go halvsies on a fancy, Freudian dream interpreter?

  11. Hmmm… 😕 *sifts through lint in pocket* 😉

  12. Man, I’m always dreaming strange dreams like this. I get a weird uptight reaction and later wonder why was I so upset. Yet upset I am. I usually take the intense emotion as a cue to look at the dream symbolically for something that IS disturbing beneath the superficial stuff.

    If this were MY dream (and it’s not!) I would think I were feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities as a wife/mom. I would also interpret the dream (if it were mine…and it’s not) to be a sign that I was feeling out of control of my own life, as if decisions were being made for me because I was too tired to assert myself.

    That’s just what it would mean if I dreamt it! But in your case, you have to figure out for yourself what the events mean symbolically. It may not even be connected to wife/mom stuff — just because that’s the raw material of the dream, doesn’t mean that’s what it’s about. But the emotions you feel in the dream are probably real in some area of your life.

    Unless dreams are just random and Freud and all his cronies are full of shit.

  13. Peter: With the price of fuel, I have no doubt there’s nothing but lint in your pockets, my trucker friend.

    Writinggb: Check and check. I would say your assesment is bang on. And while Freud has his points, I’m more of a Jungian when it comes to dreams. I like his style.

  14. Wow Ginny – that is weird!!! Hope it doesn’t have some deep dark meaning ……. anyway I am sure that you will kick it’s arse if it comes back to bite you ….
    http://www.winingandironing.wordpress.com

  15. Nice. Brigham?

    It must be sweet knowing your offspring are desirable. Maybe a black market baby scheme is in your future.

    Like that, I’m always dreaming in intense plotlines. Once there was this very complicated dream with Denzel Washington, a circular mall, mass slaughter, and jet packs. The whole thing was very confusing.

  16. Wendz: Thanks for the vote of confidence!

    Rassles: I would pay to see that Denzel movie. I really would. Full price, too.

  17. I am suspicious of this dream. It seems very organized for a dream with a complete structure and ending and everything.

  18. I don’t have the really good ones often. Usually, they’re just pieces, a patchwork, like Peter alluded to above. I am a bit of a lucid dreamer, and every now and then, I can guide it. Plus, it is important to remember, I was RAISED by television. The half hour sitcom is the most natural format in the world to me.

  19. Machine gun etiquette.

    That’s just me, doing shameless self-promotion. Gah.

  20. “This place is dead anyways.” Oh Denzel, you charmer.

    (Shameless self-promotion. Like there’s another kind…)

  21. Ginny, treat yourself to a massage, then. Sounds like you could use one! (And maybe that’ll be food for more interesting dreams…) For that matter, maybe I should treat myself to a massage, too. I feel like I’m in the same boat…

  22. Um, I did that not long ago. It didn’t end well. I’ll post about it soon.

  23. ugh….a house full of sister-wives who look freakishly alike in that slightly alien-transparent skin-googly-eyed sense (or maybe that’s just my view of it)…..every girl’s top-5 nightmare, at least!

  24. Glad you can relate, Romi 🙂

  25. What did you eat before bed? LOL!

  26. OK that was funny, but at the same time a little spooky. There’s a veteran of Afghanistan who’s travelling around the U.S. just meeting and talking with folks.

    I offered him the use of my place in the Sierra Nevadas. I met him yesterday evening to give him the keys to the place and he’s got a “Polygamy Porter” t-shirt on.

    Cracked me up.

  27. And I’m pretty sure it was the same company that had the slogan: “Bring Home a 6 Pack…For the Wives.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s