Cruel Summer


Just over 2 weeks ago, there was still snow in my backyard. Today, the temperature hit 27 degrees Celsius (that’s about 81 degrees Fahrenheit, you adorable little Americans). We get whiplash just watching the seasons change here (Spring? Oh, we did away with that back in ’04. Didn’t really seem to need it.  And no one missed it…) As I was trying not to sweat excessively, I put together a wee “to-do” list, to help cope with this feet-first jump into Summer.


1. Install the window air conditioner; try to ignore glares from “green” neighbors. I’m sure your inflated sense of self-righteousness will be a comfort to you as you repeatedly flip your pillow over at night, vainly trying to find the cool spot. Mwwwaaahaaahaa!


2. Buy a 5 gallon drum of 10,000 SPF sunscreen. Judging by the pinkness of my children’s skin after exactly 5 minutes exposure to the sun, we have all the UV tolerance of someone’s secret Austrian basement family.


3. Nod in agreement when the neighbors talk of spring cleaning/garage sale plans; make mental note to just shove shit further into closets (Sub-item 3(b): Look into buying bigger house. We’re running out of closets.)


4. Look at bedding plants at the home improvement stores; leave them on the shelves because I just can’t handle that kind of responsibility. (Thank Christ the kids don’t require watering, weeding or mowing. Little buggers never would have made it through their first summer.)


5. Train for 5K. That fucking Dickie Dee guy thinks he can rip down my street without stopping this year, he’s got another think coming.


(Pic from here.)

6 responses to “Cruel Summer

  1. “Thank Christ the kids don’t require watering, weeding or mowing. Little buggers never would have made it through their first summer.”

    That totally cracks me up I am putting it up as a quote o’ the week in my forum.

  2. Aw, thanks Max! I’m glad my slack-ass parenting can make other people happy.

  3. LOL!!! Ah, the bedding plants — yes, I’m in the same boat. I mean honestly who has time for grooming their yard? I’m lucky if I have time to groom myself! 🙂

  4. Thanks for the commiseration, writinggb. Everyone else is so excited to get planting, they’re practically vibrating. They look at me like I suddenly started speaking Russian when I say I just don’t care about flowerbeds, landscaping, etc.

  5. Landscape like we do in Arizona: Rock Garden 😉

  6. I am a strong proponent of hillside vines and stone patio surfaces.

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