Kelly Ripa, You Perky Bitch

She’s blonde.  She’s skinny.  She’s so perpetually happy that if I worked for ABC, I’d be making her pee in a cup on a weekly basis.  She is as close to perfect as I’ve been led to believe a person can come.

Looking at her makes me feel like crap.  I don’t watch her show, “Live With Regis & Kelly”.   I turn the channel, and think uncheery thoughts.

Tonight, I’m innocently watching TV.  AND THERE SHE IS.  Interrupt my “Must See Thursday” lineup with feelings of inadequacy?  Oh no you didn’t.

That’s it, lady.  Gloves are off.  If I see you in the street, I will not slow down.

 

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13 responses to “Kelly Ripa, You Perky Bitch

  1. LMFAO!! I remember her on All My Children. She wasn’t so happy, or skinny then. Still had that hot husband though…

  2. Haley Vaughn! (While other kids were doing whatever it is real children do, I was deeply immersed in all things Pine Valley, Port Charles, Bay City, etc. etc.) “She wasn’t so happy or skinny then.” Nice bit of perspective, Maria.

    I still hate her, though.

  3. Do you suppose she’d leave a near perfect dent on your cars grill and hood? 😕

  4. Oh she is not perfect listen to that nasal voice. Yipes.

  5. i like her she’s cute and sexy. And funny.

  6. Let us not forget how she pops up willy-nilly in advertisments with a little stain stick and gets rid of people’s stains while providing her own accompanying music…

  7. I forgot about those commercials! I almost kind of liked her in those. More manic than perky: now THAT I can relate to.

  8. Stuck upside down on this big blue and green ball I have no idea who you are talking about but still sympathize. We have one particular television “personality” here that could benefit from a Chevy symbol embedded in her forehead.

  9. Perky bitches know no international boundaries, AJ.

  10. Team Kathy Lee, Ginny?

  11. I wouldn’t have thought so, Stiletto, but I think you’re right! At least with Kathy Lee, you could always tell there was snark, right there under the surface, just waiting to get out.

  12. In fact, if your foot just got a little heavier on the gas, I would totally support that.

  13. I’m totally using that comment in court Steve. I go down, you’re going with me.

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