She’s blonde. She’s skinny. She’s so perpetually happy that if I worked for ABC, I’d be making her pee in a cup on a weekly basis. She is as close to perfect as I’ve been led to believe a person can come.
Looking at her makes me feel like crap. I don’t watch her show, “Live With Regis & Kelly”. I turn the channel, and think uncheery thoughts.
Tonight, I’m innocently watching TV. AND THERE SHE IS. Interrupt my “Must See Thursday” lineup with feelings of inadequacy? Oh no you didn’t.
That’s it, lady. Gloves are off. If I see you in the street, I will not slow down.