I Don’t Know (or, How Many Sociopaths Are On Your “Friends” List?)


I read obituaries. I read them every single day. The ones that drive me nuts are the ones that don’t mention how the person died. (You can sometimes infer the cause of death from the charity the deceased’s family has designated. Sometimes you can’t.) I read the list of people surviving the dead person: were they still married? Do their kids have the same last name? Who predeceased them? I sift through all this data, making what I am sure are some incorrect assumptions. I’m looking for parallels with my own life. (Dead woman was divorced? If I just stay married, I’ll be OK.) Always, always looking for reasons why.


On Wednesday, a 77 year old man was stabbed to death in this city. It happened about 20 blocks from my house; I had driven past this spot 30 minutes before the incident. The local media reports that the man was helping his wife into a car, after their anniversary dinner. A youth walked up to the couple, and stabbed the man. No words were exchanged, nothing was stolen. The attacker and the man were strangers. The attacker fled on foot. The man bled to death in a strip mall parking lot.


I have a series of mental touchstones that I go through daily. If I don’t engage in behavior X, then consequence Y can’t happen. (If I walk fast and look tough, aggressive panhandlers won’t bother me.) They’re flimsy, these constructs. I know that. But I feel like in the face of an illogical world, they’re all I’ve got. This crime dissolves all of them. Totally random, completely unpredictable. No one’s fault. Could’ve happened to anyone.


Last night, they arrested the guy. He was on a Greyhound bus in Regina. The police received a tip, and now the accused is in their custody. I still don’t feel relieved. They said his name on the news tonight. They showed closeups of his Facebook profile. Maybe I could find some answers after all.


I looked him up. There was his profile, open to the public. I clicked on it. As his page loaded, my chest went tight, and I could feel every hair on my head. This was too close. I shouldn’t have done this. But I read anyway. His profile picture is of a young boy; maybe himself, as a child? He lists his political affiliation as “National Socialist”, and his religion as “Satanist/Atheist”. He’s posted some videos related to white supremacy, and drawn some graffiti that I’ve seen around (I’m assuming they’re gang symbols). He’d updated his status 5 hours after the stabbing. It’s cryptic and melodramatic. It only takes on an air of insanity once you know where he was 5 hours earlier.


But I just don’t feel a sense of “evil”. It’s the Facebook profile of a disaffected young man. If I had seen this profile a week ago, I would have thought this guy was just talking big, trying to shock some people, but essentially harmless. Granted, I’m no psychologist. But still, not a big threat. He has friends (50 of them when I logged in, 48 by the time I had looked at his profile. Apparently I wasn’t the only one watching the news). I’m sure reporters are feverishly trying to contact them, to get the quintessential sound bites (which will fall into two categories: “He was the nicest guy! I can’t believe this happened!”, or “He was always kind of weird. I thought something like this would happen.”).


I wonder what happened that day, to make him go over the edge, take his mental instability out on another person in such a final way. I am so sorry that an elderly man felt the brunt of the anger and insanity. And I have to accept that I’ll never really know why.



10 responses to “I Don’t Know (or, How Many Sociopaths Are On Your “Friends” List?)

  1. Analyzing the acts of a crazy person is a convoluted circle that does not work. You are looking for a rational reason or explanation for irrational behavior. Crazy people do not do crazy things for rational reasons. They do crazy things because crazy people are crazy.

    Usually when obits do not mention how someone died it is because the death was suicide or aids related.

  2. Sad 😐 Grim

    When I think of Canada such things don’t come to mind. I guess crazy knows no boundaries. 😕

  3. Max: I guess the problem for me is that I do have some experience with crazy. I’m wondering why some people keep the crazy internal, and some people let it loose on others. And meanwhile, trying to accept that I’m just not gonna know.

    Peter: Well, it IS Canada; he stabbed the man, he didn’t shoot him with a readily available handgun. (Just trying to keep your stereotypes alive. You’re welcome 😉 )

  4. “No words were exchanged, nothing was stolen. The attacker and the man were strangers.”

    Those are the most frightening kind, since as you said, it is much harder to prevent them. Luckily, those kind of killings are in the minority. The overwhelming majority of murders are committed by people we know and (I almost hate to say this) could usually have been avoided given a certain degree of cautiousness (i.e. not getting in the car with your creepy ex-husband who sends shivers down your spine, staying off drugs and thereby away from drug deals, not drinking to the point of intoxication in a public setting, etc.).

  5. Oh I have totally solved that one, since most murderers share your same last name, I am just not changing my name ever and that only leaves my father to watch out for — hmm, have to do something about him.

  6. Oh Max. As always, you are so wise!

  7. Thank you for straitening me out. It somehow slipped my mind that we were talking about the hockey stick murder capital of the world. 😉 My bad.

  8. When in, do as… I will not be stooping so low as to respond to your blatant Canadian baiting. ;)’

    (BTW, your comments are being stopped by the spam filter. Perhaps because of the high sodium content of said comments? Just thought you’d want to know.)

  9. Who? Me? Salty? Dang it, busted. 😐

  10. “Luckily, those kind of killings are in the minority. The overwhelming majority of murders are committed by people we know”

    Well, thank you. I certainly feel better.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s