Karma, Parts I & II

 

Part I:

 

Karma is a big, fat, foul-tempered, bad breathed bitch.

 

“Can you rub my legs?”

 

I am in that delicious phase of sleep, when you’re drifting off, but conscious enough to enjoy it. He makes a fairly reasonable request. He’s been doing something strenuous at work (OK, OK, I wasn’t really listening. I rarely do.). But I have had a shit day. And I’m just feeling kind of mean.

 

“No! I would never ask you! How come you never think to do that for me? I can’t believe how selfish…”

 

He apologizes, then rolls over.

 

Fucker.

 

Now I feel bad. But I think I can overcome it. I try, try, try to get back to the sweet spot of sleep I was in. He’s twitching in his sleep, because he’s in so much pain. I am a rotten person. I watch the hours tick by. Both kids take turns waking up for water/reassurance/just because. When everyone finally settles (even Ol’ Twitchy beside me), I look at the clock.

 

6:00.

 

The alarm is set for 7:00.

 

Shoulda just given the leg rub.

 

 

Part II:

 

Karma is a bitch…with a kick-ass memory.

 

(I remember bits of this, but mostly, its family lore.)

1979:

My family has been invited to a church supper. It’s not our church. We don’t have a church. I know I’m supposed to be on my best behavior. As we’re getting ready, my mom happens to glance in the fridge. “How long has that bottle of wine been open? We need to either finish that or throw it out.” We go to the church, and supper goes well. My parents are making small talk with one of the church families. I’d like to make small talk too.

 

“Well, I guess we better get home and drink that wine!”

 

2008:

My son and I are in the cramped hallway outside his preschool. Almost a dozen parents are waiting with their own kids. He’s putting his indoor shoes on, but he’s having trouble. I lean over to help him. It’s early, and I’m a klutz. Somehow, I end up pushing him into a door jamb.

 

“Oh mom, you’re so drunk!

 

 

 

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7 responses to “Karma, Parts I & II

  1. New header and a slogan. 🙂 Karma can’t mess with that.

    Is it just me or do kids make it a point to say crazy crap when there’s an audience to entertain? Kids never say crazy crap when it’s just you and them.

    They may say semi crazy crap, but I swear they’re saving the good stuff for an audience.

  2. Okay, definitely a raccoon in a kid suit. It takes whiles to pull that off.

  3. You are learning grasshopper. Nice writing these past couple of posts (as usual). I bet you could do journalism too. Nah maybe not, you’re words are too interesting.

    M

  4. Peter: Absolutely. And after the “Embarass You In Public” phase, you get to go through the “Will Not Acknowledge You In Public” phase. There are days when I think I really should have stayed on the pill….

    Max: Oddly enough, we don’t actually have racoons here. Perhaps he was sent ahead, to infiltrate the area. Crap.

    Michael: Thanks! Now if only I could find a way to get paid…

  5. oh no, so that means that crap I took in my friend’s laptop bag which I blamed on a hobo is going to work together with Karma and get back at me???

  6. Aniche: Um, well, yes, my understanding of the concept would indicate that’s true. Plus, I love the word “hobo”. It doesn’t get used nearly enough anymore. Let’s work together to bring it back, K?

  7. Pingback: All Day Sucker | Praying to Darwin

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