My sisters and I are extremely close. We are all on Facebook. We have a lot of friends in common. Every now and then, a friend we don’t have in common posts something. Something we think the other 2 sisters must see (i.e. “Check out the god-awful bridesmaid dress “X” had to wear!” or “There’s some new pictures of “H”, and she’s put on 40 ugly pounds!”) . For cases such as these, we’ve exchanged passwords, to facilitate our stalker tendencies.
One of the features of a Facebook profile is the “status”. Originally, it was designed as a poor-man’s GPS system for college students (eg. “Chad is at the library”. “Ashley is in French class.”). Of course, anyone with half a sense of imagination uses it to be far more esoteric (“Susan is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a fuzzy sweater.”). Since I have access to their profiles, I periodically threaten to change my sisters’ statuses. I haven’t done it. I don’t have the grapes to do it. But should they piss me off before April Fools’ Day:
Brenda is prettier than one of her sisters, but not as pretty as the other.
Mimi is going through some things. When you see her next, please call her “Steve”, and try not to stare.
Brenda doesn’t see the need to be fanatical about washing her hands after using the washroom.
Mimi wishes the damned (insert a string of horrible, politically incorrect racial slurs here) would just go home, already!!
Brenda does NOT have the clap! Please ignore the email that is circulating.
Mimi encourages you to find Jesus!!!!
Brenda needs the phone number of a good carpet cleaning company. One that can get blood out. And maybe a number for a lawyer….
Mimi thinks that if you don’t want tapes of yourself having sex sold on the internet, it’s up to you to buy thicker curtains.