These are things I have learned in the past 24 hours. I am sharing them with you. For free. Generous, I know. Must be the whole “Spirit of Christmas”, blah, blah, blah…
1. Just because a baby will eat 30 dollar sized pancakes, doesn’t mean she should.
2. When using a TV program as a bribe (to, let’s say, get a kid to eat his supper), check the TV listings to make sure the program is actually coming on. Because once a kid has choked down broccoli and salmon, “Whoops, I guess Mommy was wrong…” just doesn’t cut it.
3. If you kick while you jump, you jump higher. Ninjas always land on their feet. The Joker on Batman is bad, even though he’s smiling. The song should actually go “We wish you a merry gravy.” Four truths shared with me by a group of 4 year olds, while laying on our stomachs playing cars at preschool.
4. This one is a two-parter:
a) Every now and again, it’s a good idea to go through all those old sayings you grew up with in your family. See which ones don’t really make sense, make you sound dated, aren’t really politically correct anymore.
b) Children do not listen to the things you want them to. They are listening to the things you hope they don’t hear. And learning how to use them in context.
Kid at Preschool, to my son: You wanna play trains?
Son: Is the Pope Catholic?
5. When taking your child to preschool, shower first. Brush your teeth. Dress nicely. Take your husband up on the offer of a travel-mug full of coffee. Drop the child off, and don’t hesitate to leave immediately. Because on the morning you don’t do this, you will get to school to find out the assigned helper parent has flaked. The teacher will tell the snow suited children that they can’t go to the “Big School” for Gym Day, because she has no helper. She will add, “Unless one of your moms or dads can stay…”. Eleven sad little pairs of eyes will swing in your direction. You’ll hear someone say, “I can probably stay”. You’ll snicker. What a sap. Then you realize that was your voice….