Ponderings from Seat 6F

I was on a plane today. I do not fly often. Or well. But as I was in the air, trying not to concentrate on my inevitable death in a fiery ball of twisted fuselage, I had a couple of thoughts.

 

  1. There were 2 soldiers on my flight coming home. This did not compensate for the many (probably a hundred) soldiers I had seen at the airport, flying out 4 days ago. The universe still has possession of at least 98 fresh faced, ridiculously brave young people. Bring them back. Safely. Please.

  2. Bull whips, cattle prods, fireworks, and mace:  Things that are not allowed in carry on baggage, the lack of which I find comforting.  Drain cleaners, oven cleaners, dry ice, and charcoal briquettes:  Things that are not allowed in carry on baggage, which make me say, “WTF was anyone DOING with this stuff in carry-on, anyway?”.

  3. Remember when you could smoke on a plane? I don’t. By the time I took my first flight, smoking had already been completely banned for 3 years. I tried just for a minute to get a mental image of smoking. In my seat. And I liked what I saw. Because for those of us who are nervous fliers, and former smokers, there could be no better time to start again.

  4. I applaud all the scientific work that went into air travel. The discovery of it. The development of big, shiny planes which (generally) do not crash or just randomly fall out of the sky. But do they expect me to believe they can’t come up with a way to mask all the scary sounds? The weird cracks, whooshes, pings, creaks and groans? If they could come up with a way to do that for me, I would gladly pay a small extra fee added to the price of my ticket. Not like some bogus “airport improvement tax”. (What’s “improved” about long washroom line ups and $4 packs of gum?)

  5. I don’t wish the planet any specific ill-will. But I am not a tree hugging, Birkenstock wearing, organic granola eating kind of gal. This was reinforced as I stared down at the changing landscape. The beauty of Vancouver, nestled in the mountains, overlooking the sparkling ocean. Then, a vast expanse of pristine, snow covered mountains. And then…the prairies. The amazing, patchwork grid, spread out for hundreds of uninterrupted miles in all directions. There is order. There is human-kind’s imprint. Less than 200 years ago, this land would have been swaying grasses, and lazing buffalo. And my forefathers and mothers came to this land. And made it their bitch. We showed the land who was boss, by making it adhere to these neat, tidy squares. Oh sure, this may come back to bite us in the ass down the road. Whatever. We won.

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2 responses to “Ponderings from Seat 6F

  1. Fricking insanely funny. Especially pondering 5.

    I always think of a fiery, explosive death too, while on a plane, with no time even to have my life flash before my eyes. Just three days ago, I was on a plane whose pilot flew it like he was driving a taxi on the busy streets of Calcutta. And there was turbulence over the skies of Bangalore, which made the plane sway like Marlon Brando in a thunderstorm. My urine refused to come out for another eight hours.

  2. And that was a one hour flight for me. I would lose my freaking mind on a transcontinental flight. They’d have to have an ambulance waiting for me on the tarmac…to take me to the nearest mental ward.
    Glad you found me, Arjun. Welcome.

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